The New Old World
by Coyachayqui
Summary: The story starts with an alternative take on the ending. Will Merlin use the last, unexpected chance to save Arthur? Will there be a price to pay? And finally, will the future finally bring upon changes that he has worked for all those years?
1. The Circle of Hope

The sun was shining bright, seemingly just above him, with flurries of warm wind dancing around his body. Yet, he was sure that it was the darkest hour of his life, the time when last rays of hope were fading fast. Of course, it was not new for the last dragonlord to find himself on Kilgharrah's back, which made him one of the few men of his time who could see the world from such heights. On every occasion but this one, he would truly appreciate that privilege, feeling both childlike excitement and serenity. One could almost say that it was his way of unwinding after some heavy burden was lifted off his shoulders, or at least after he found hope that it soon might be.

This time was different though, and not only because it would be his last. Actually, he didn't even think about it anymore, almost forgetting that it was most likely the last meeting with one of his oldest allies, The Great Dragon. He barely remembered where he was, with heights feeling like depths of sadness and fear. It almost seemed like the burden he carried today would crash his heart and soul, force him to stop breathing, or at the very least make him fall off Kilgharrah's back. A sense of failed duty was a part of it, albeit small, as he was nearly convinced that the purpose of his life, his destiny couldn't be fulfilled anymore, all because of his foolish mistakes. What was truly heart-wrenching though, what was tearing him apart from inside, was the vision of losing his best friend. It didn't matter that their friendship couldn't ever develop conventionally, as not only they were the king and his servant, but their relationship had to be built upon a lie. He knew that in their hearts, they recognized each other, despite all the banter and the restrictions of their roles.

The thought about how much better everything could be between them now that he revealed his magic, if only Arthur wasn't fatally wounded, was agonizing. He tried to focus on something else but all he found was anger at himself. He was so full of himself, defying everyone's advice. Being sure that he could save everyone, he helped to get them all killed.

As his mind started spiraling into negative thoughts, his tired body couldn't take it anymore. Though the flight was short, he dozed off, still tightly clutching his friend's limp body and Kilgharrah's back. His dreams were filled with gloomy visions of the future. In one of them, The Great Dragon confirmed that Arthur is gone for real and doomed him to wander around the world for centuries until the king's future rise. In another, Gwen became the Queen, which wasn't bad in itself, but her reign didn't live up to the prophecies of the great kingdom where good magic is allowed, thus making so many sacrifices worthless. And there were a few others, often contradicting each other, as dreams work in their own time and logic. Some would say that great sorcerers are the masters of this realm. But as it turned out, even they can sometimes get caught up in their fear and despair.

* * *

They soon reached their destination. As promised, Kilgharrah took them to the lake of Avalon. The somewhat rough landing woke him from his slumber. For all he knew, it was already too late, he failed to save the king in time and more importantly, he failed to save Arthur. Still, he did have a tiny spark of hope inside, a quiet, suppressed longing for a miracle.

As soon as his feet touched the ground and he dragged Arthur's body off Kilgharrah's back, those faint feelings strengthened a little, with a sudden sense of calm coming over him. Weirdly, something was different about the place. He would always feel magic around when he was there but at that moment, it was more than that. He sensed a stronger force, as if the very essence of magic was greeting him. Lifting his gaze off the ground, he looked around to find the dragon and have their last conversation. His eyes grew wide as he realized that there were many more than three of them there. He opened his mouth, wanting explanations, and closed them back, bewildered at the unexpected welcome. He heard a female voice, sounding dulcet yet firm:

„Dearest Merlin, it is not to be taken lightly when this circle gathers, nor when you are welcomed in it. It has been two decades since we last met in this form and though you seem to wonder why we came to you, you may soon discover that it was you who was seeking us."

He looked at the speaker. Despite her young, clean voice, she seemed like an old lady. Her dark skin was covered with wrinkles, yet her tangled hair were brown instead of grey. He also observed that her long dress was made of little leaves and fruits, and there were little animals and birds hidden in it. "Oh," it finally hit him, "she is a forest keeper!" According to what Gaius had told him, those were incredibly powerful beings whose magic mainly used the power of earth. They had allies in all plants and animals, whom they could communicate with, and their knowledge was as old as The Old Religion. They rarely mingled in human affairs or reveal themselves, with their skin looking like a combination of human skin and tree bark and their hair partially made of branches. If he, or rather Arthur, was in any other state, he would likely feel so honored to meet her that he would cry the tears of joy.

"You seem to fear that the long foretold story you are a part of has come to an end, at least for now. Should that happen, the sacred bond will be broken and the promise of the great kingdom you worked for may not unfold the way it is supposed to, though it is not the only thing that troubles you, is it? You are not just destined to be the Great King's servant and the warlock at his service, you are meant to be his dearest friend, and you chose with all your heart to embrace it."

Hearing someone say aloud how much he lost almost made him weep, but he managed to swallow it.

"You see, anyone in this circle would like to see the prophecy fulfilled. It is good for magic and ultimately for the world, though some, like me, have little to gain from it. Regardless, we are not here strictly because of your destiny or because of the prophecy. As a circle, full of different magical beings, we only have power to respond to one type of call, a pure intention of the heart, which gives fire to great magical power."

He looked around and realized that she was right, the circle was huge and diverse, with a forest keeper, element guardians, druids, warlocks, witches, a dragon and several other creatures.

"As we do not respond to words, spells or any other magical protocols, we are often, if not usually, summoned by those who had no idea about us, like you. What we do, to some extent, is every person's magic, for it comes from the times when every creature realized their magic and knew how to use it. In this form though, it is the most powerful healing ritual that is. If you decide to go through with it and accept the challenge it poses, you may still be able to fulfill your destiny, and save your friend."

Now, he was ready to cry the tears of happiness. He just started opening his mouth to agree to anything, when she interrupted:

"Before you decide, you must know that this may be one of the hardest challenges on your path so far, for it does not include fighting enemies on the outside, but journeying inside, through your darkest parts and deepest fears. Many great sorcerers who sought this kind of help feared this price more than death."

He didn't really understand and it did sound a bit scary, but nothing could frighten him enough to back away from the miracle that was given to him.

"It is quite hard to explain precisely how it will look like, as this kind of magic is both older and greater than language. It can only be felt, not spoken of. The important thing is that in the first part, as a circle, we will use different means to call upon the healing energy, joining our diverse powers. You will need to lead us, in a way. We know how to channel this unimaginable force, which could otherwise be destructive. But its strength can only be built on the pure intention, something that comes from you. When we finish, the king will be healed and your inner journey will begin."

He let out a sigh of relief. At least, this time, he may not have a chance to ruin everything.

"You need to know that the duration of the journey may vary and there is no chance to go back. On the outside, it mostly looks like some kind of sickness of the body. You should also understand that it is not a price set by us, for our gain of any sort. By joining our powers, we summon the healing energy from the source of all magic and life itself. It is a ceremony of pure intentions and deep emotions, and in its spirit, after the healing is done, the one who asked for it should travel to this source of all magic and life within himself to offer his gratitude. So, what will it be, dearest Merlin? Is this story ending or just beginning?"

"I will do it." he said quickly. "Thank you," he added, realizing that there might not be another chance and he truly was deeply grateful, whatever would come next.

If only he looked around, he might have seen several smiles or looks full of respect. It took a special kind of courage and selflessness to agree so quickly, with no questions asked.

"Very well, we shall start then. There is not much time left to save the king."

* * *

He took the last glance at Arthur, before leaving him in the middle of the circle and standing next to the forest keeper, like she instructed. She said:

"Before we begin, there are three of us who would like to say something to support Merlin's intention."

First, an old druid woman spoke up. He'd never met her before:

"One of my own, druids, is sadly to blame for King Arthur's wound. I know it was not the first time he plotted against the king, and others did too. It is not without reason but it does not justify it and nothing good, for any of us, could come out of it. We, elders, understand the timeline of things and we know that when the time comes, you, Emrys, and The Young King will bring upon the new fair kingdom. And it will come soon. One of ours, even if he was also foretold, mingled with the sacred order of things. To alter his wrongdoing, on behalf of all druids, I will give my all to help heal the king."

Merlin thanked her by smiling and bowing his head. Surprisingly, she was followed by Anhora, the keeper of the unicorns:

"I do not know King Arthur, or you, Merlin, very well. But our paths did cross once, many years back, when you were both younger and more foolish. Since then, I secretly kept track of both of you. Even then though, I could see that you were special, with hearts so strong and noble that they could overcome any darkness. I witnessed two people who both had much to lose, the future king and the future greatest sorcerer, who were fighting because each wanted to sacrifice their life for the other, despite not even knowing each other that well. I am certain that if someone can bring change to this land, it is the king who was willing to sacrifice his life for his servant, repeatedly, and the powerful servant who quietly took humiliation every day, both to embrace his destiny and to keep his friend safe. I will give all my powers to support the healing."

A few tears escaped Merlin's eyes. Finally, Kilgharrah spoke:

"Young Warlock, as you know, it is my last chance to help you. It has been a while since I took part in one of these ancient circles and I would not do it for anyone else, knowing that this will be the last bit of powerful magic I will have the strength to use. It is not because you are the last dragonlord, or because our paths were destined to cross. In my long life, I met many warlocks, and I know that destiny is not enough to make you the greatest. There are qualities in you that make you so powerful, and I often failed to appreciate them. Perhaps they are the ones that got you here, the ones you at this moment despise yourself for. If it was not for them though, both you and Arthur might have been dead long ago, and I certainly would. I am grateful that the last great ally on my path was one of the best people I knew. It is for this reason, to save my friend's best friend more than to protect the future kingdom, that I sacrifice the remainders of my power. Good luck, Young Warlock."

After that last speech, Merlin couldn't stop tears from flowing heavily. He approached The Great Dragon, thanked him and blessed him before his final journey.

* * *

Soon, the forest keeper squeezed his hand, signaling that it was time to start. Strangely, he wasn't nervous at all, trusting that the energy will guide him and somehow knowing that sooner or later, they would manage to summon the healing force that could save Arthur. Why was he so calm, even though he knew it was his only shot? Maybe it was the circle, where he felt safe and supported. He could sense that what they were dealing with was good magic, based on the forces of four elements and most powerful emotions. It could also be the immense gratitude he felt. All those people showed up simply to help them, despite Uther and Arthur's views on magic that might have hurt them in the past. And he was deeply touched by Kilgharrah's sacrifice, it amazed him that the dragon also values their friendship so highly.

He took a deep breath and started chanting. He didn't use spells or even words, going with the flow of the melody that appeared in his mind. He felt his feet stamping in a heavy rhythm. As everyone in the circle was joining in, some following his tune, others starting their own, he sensed the energy rising rapidly. Some magical forces were already dancing in the middle, just above Arthur, but for now, there were only a few of them, not united yet. Gradually, the steady rhythm made everyone move out of their minds, forget their thoughts, and reach deep into their hearts. Soon, they would feel as if there was nothing but their hearts and bodies, their feelings and energies, swallowed by the force of Mother Earth.

At that moment, there was one heart that mattered the most, fiercely supported by others. And as the sky got cloudier, it was starting to release deep sadness and grief. Those feelings weren't put into words, but they consisted of all those little moments of friendship, all the laughter, all those petty fights that may not ever happen again. It was also full of adventures that could be lost forever, of secrets that could finally be shared but it might be too late, of being scared of losing the person that always tried to have your back, of not wanting to empty the space once occupied by caring for a friend. At the same time, the heart was grieving for what Arthur might not get to have, of the great kingdom he would not get to enjoy, of days with his wife, of raising his children. As all those emotions flooded through the soul and body, the voice got louder and tearier.

It was both the reminder of how it felt to lose a friend in the past and something else entirely. This time, the heart was also aware that there was a different kind of possible emptiness awaiting. For this friendship was special. Was it the prophecy that made them into two sides of the same coin? Or was the pull of those energies, even before time, so strong and so needed in the world that it could easily be predicted?

As the heart remembered that pull and realized that however absurd it seemed at the beginning, it felt just right, the cry became more powerful. The body was consumed by it, with silver light coming out of it and mending different energies in the middle of the circle. They were still not one, but they were getting stronger, pulling different helpers into their quest. Now, the circle was surrounded by animals coming out of the forest. Some could say they just came to look, but those more sensitive felt that they were there to join.

With this sudden movement of energy, something also moved in the hearts, starting with the one that mattered most. The sadness was overcome by joy, the grief by hope. There still might be time for laughter and tears, adventures and sharing secrets, caring more openly. Bright future for Arthur may still be ahead. Simultaneously, the heart found happiness and gratitude for all the moments together that passed but could live in memory, of battles won, all secret quests, rare moments of honesty, saving each other's lives, jokes, endless fighting.

With this, the melody changed to a more joyful one, and the rhythm became lighter. It seemed as if everyone present, every person, creature, even each surrounding plant, was giving thanks in their way, using their unique happy song. The energy changed from profoundly earthy to one that travels upwards, all the way to the sky. They could all feel the moment when it touched the sun. And then, the healing started. First, a few drops of gold fell from the sky, completing the union of energies in the middle of the circle. The newly created mass traveled down, forming a veil around Arthur's body. As they continued singing, the pure force of magic, which was essentially the same as the sheer force of life, worked its miracle. It pulled out the piece of the blade, tended to the wound, blew more life energy into the body. When its work was done, it spread all over the place.

Even after its pieces were no longer traceable, they kept singing for a while, now expressing their gratitude and awe for what they witnessed. Somehow, for everyone gathered, everything around looked more beautiful than a few hours earlier. But no heart was more rejoiced than the one that was leading, thanking with all its power for this unexpected blessing.

Finally, everyone fell silent, slowly coming out of the trance. They started looking around, smiling slightly at each other, looking for a place to sit down for a minute. Merlin only caught a glimpse of that before he felt an immense wave of tiredness. He barely managed to look at Arthur and concentrate hard enough to sense that his friend was truly okay. Then, his legs went numb and he felt two sets of hands helping him to lie down. And so, his journey began.


	2. Time to Think

Arthur woke up with a sharp breath. _Do people still breathe after they are dead, just in a different place? Strange but I guess no one could have told me, ghosts usually focus on more important stuff,_ he thought to himself. It almost made him laugh that apart from feeling no pain, he couldn't find one difference between life and death. The lake, the ground, his body, his mind. Everything felt exactly the same. He looked at his wound, which was almost healed. _Wait, almost? Do things still need time to heal in the afterlife?_

He spent some time looking at the lake and pondering about how strange death was. It wasn't until he turned around and saw Merlin lying on the ground a few meters from him when it hit him, _Oh, I'm not dead._ Before allowing himself to feel happy about being alive, he panicked, fearing what Merlin did to save him. Running to him, he mumbled:

"Please tell me you didn't-"

Before he could get to the warlock or finish, he saw someone else coming out of the woods. He instinctively reached for his sword, only to find out that it was on the pile of his clothes, next to Merlin. Just then he recognized the person as Anhora, who he knew was no threat.

"Good evening, Arthur Pendragon. I am glad to meet you again, and to see you recovered. As for Merlin, he did not trade his life, though judging by the look on his face when you came here, he would, without thinking twice."

A look of relief washed over Arthur's face. He greeted Anhora and asked, "Do you know what happened to him? Will he be okay?"

And so Anhora told him the whole story, untangling everything as clearly as possible. Wide-eyed, Arthur wondered, "But how? I felt that I was dying, I was actually sure that I'm dead when I woke up."

"As I told you, we only hear the calling about once every two decades, so I did not participate in many such circles. But from what I noticed, we always receive the calling in the last possible moment. When it is received and if the action is taken right away, the person cannot die until the one who sought us in his heart decides not to go through with it, or if he does, until the ritual is finished - patiently explained the sorcerer. As usual, when speaking, he stood straight, clutching his cane, without as much as a blink of an eye."

In contrast with his calm voice, Arthur sounded very emotional, even when asking about the most basic things:

"How long until he wakes up? I'm sorry for all the questions, I hope you have a few more minutes to spare."

"You need to understand. He will probably be asleep until the morning. As he was the one who called us, he was also the leader of the circle, which takes unimaginable effort. To tell the truth, even we were surprised, the energy Is strong every time, but most of us have never seen it that powerful. In most cases I have heard of, it only heals enough for the person to stay alive, not to recover fully, like in your case," answered Anhora. His interlocutor wasn't aware that after each such circle, one person volunteered to make sure that the one who called it and the one who was healed were taken care of.

Arthur's mind wandered off for a brief moment, as he started thinking about how little he still knew about Merlin in light of the news about his magic. But he quickly composed himself. After all, he still had a lot of questions.

"How will he be after he wakes up?"

"It is different for everyone. He will show some symptoms of physical illness, they can vary, but even if they look serious, do not worry, they will pass on their own. The other part is harder, but it is impossible to tell how he will go through it. There may be nightmares, visions, voices, strong feelings. Usually, it all passes in between two and six weeks," clarified the keeper of the unicorns.

"Will he… suffer a lot? I guess you've just answered that. A better question, can anything help him?" stuttered Arthur, desperately hoping for a positive answer.

"The inner journey is a personal one, but on the outside, he will need close friends to be there for him. Especially at the beginning the things that come to him, his deepest fears and most painful issues, may be vicious. They will not be there all the time, but often enough to make him feel trapped. By the looks of today, you may have your hands full at the kingdom, so make sure that someone he trusts is around," advised Anhora.

He felt that it was his duty to respond as exhaustively as possible. But he was a wise man who, as a powerful sorcerer, helped many people and creatures, observing them in the process. And he saw and felt enough to know that he didn't need to say the last part, for Merlin would surely have enough support.

"That may be true, but I also have some overdue duties as a friend. And they happen to be to someone without whom there would be no kingdom and no king," he replied with determination and a faint undertone of guilt.

Anhora smiled slightly. _Quite a pair of friends, those two. Of course, destiny would bind them together,_ he thought and said:

"One more thing. He will suffer during this quest, but you should not feel bad, something tells me that his suffering would be far greater if he did not do it. Also, you probably still have your doubts about magic but what he did today is the purest, most innocent magic there Is. He has to pay the price, but it is not to break him or take something away, it will ultimately benefit him too."

"Thank you. For saying that and for your patience. And for forgiving what I once did to the unicorn. I may be uncertain about magic or about how to deal with it as a king, but not his magic, or yours," assured Arthur, and bowed his head. He didn't think the last part over, after all, he didn't know that much about Anhora, let alone his sorcery. It just came out, and it felt right.

"Thank you, Arthur. Rest well today. You can both sleep, the creatures of the forest will guard you. Shall you need any help on your way back, the help will appear." With that, Anhora disappeared into the woods.

* * *

Arthur was left with a bazillion of thoughts and feelings whirling inside. Again, Merlin saved his life, he would be able to come back to Camelot, see Gwen, enjoy life without Morgana breathing on his neck. Yes, he thought "again," though he couldn't be sure how many times exactly it happened before. Anyhow, this time felt different, he'd never been so certain of death before. Merlin must have been hopeless too, with their goodbyes, with everything that happened before. And yet, in his heart, he found a way to reverse the irreversible, one that almost no one ever sees. And now he was going to suffer for several weeks.

The king couldn't even begin to process it. He felt both happy and sad, grateful, relieved, worried. And most of all, he felt stupid. Maybe he couldn't know or perhaps he didn't want to. Either way, he did many wrongs by his friend, someone who, of course, he regarded as a great friend long before recent revelations, but whom he didn't appreciate nearly enough, at least not out loud. Was it why he couldn't be trusted earlier? After all, he repeatedly showed his lack of trust in what Merlin said, even though it almost always turned out to be right.

And some things he could've known, or knew, because he did notice how many times Merlin was the only one by his side. It was all the more meaningful now, not because Merlin had magic, but because of how much he sacrificed, how many times he swallowed his pride, how often he risked with his head.

He looked at the sleeping warlock. Even though it was getting dark, he could see that Merlin had been crying a lot today. And frankly, he felt the urge to sob too, though he'd never admit it to anyone but himself. He almost (and by "almost," he meant way closer than usual) died today, he couldn't be sure if his people or even his loved ones were okay, someone would spend the next few weeks going through hell because of him. And there was one other thing that weighed heavily on his shoulders. But this one was just a little seed that he wasn't ready to acknowledge, even only to himself.

* * *

He collected himself, put his cloak over Merlin and went to the forest to bring wood. It was a strange feeling to be almost alone. Sure, Merlin was there, but his babbling was missing, and neither Gwen nor the knights were around. It was rare, he was used to being surrounded by people. Despite all the mixed feelings that boiled inside, he thought about how incredibly lucky he was. (Of course, he didn't realize, or just forgot, that luck had nothing to do with it.) Even if apart from his wife, he didn't have any close family left, he felt much better among his friends and Gwen than in his real family before. He did love his father, and there was a time when he loved Morgana, but they had never accepted him the way people he had now did. As he was coming back with the wood, he felt immense gratitude for being given a chance to return to them all.


	3. The First Blow

Merlin felt like he was walking through the darkness for days. He wasn't sure where he was and why he was there, all he knew was that it was hot and there wasn't much air. He was tired and yet he wasn't stopping. He tried to remember the reason why he couldn't stop, it seemed impossible, but he had no clue why. Maybe he was running away from something? Or someone? Why was he all alone if he was so clueless? Shouldn't he be somewhere else, wasn't there something to do? All those questions seemed to appear in his head and evaporate. Then he would start asking them all over again, only to remember that he'd already been over them. He felt like throwing up from heat and lack of water and oxygen. Or maybe it was just from frustration.

He did get here somehow, so there had to be a way out. For some reason though, he was unable to start walking in the opposite direction. Finally, after using all of his willpower, he managed to stop. He decided to rest his head on the wall. But it wasn't a wall, he could walk through it. At last, some change.

This time, he was only walking for a short time before he saw the light. He ran toward it and found himself in a small space, surrounded by glass, with a view of several caves. He took a closer look into one of them and gasped. Arthur was there with Mordred, who was killing him slowly and painfully, using magic. He could easily stop that, but he couldn't get his spells through the glass. And it wouldn't break either, he banged and banged with everything he had. As he was trying to run into it, he caught a glimpse of another cave. There, Morgana was torturing Gaius; it looked like the older man was barely breathing. As his gaze went down, he noticed that large snakes were swallowing the physician's feet. Again, he tried everything, but the glass wouldn't even throb. Morgana looked him straight in the eye and laughed.

He looked around in desperation and frowned. In each cave, someone else was being attacked, tortured, left alone to die. He saw Gwen being stuck with three large men, who were repeatedly cutting her skin with swords. His mother was being questioned about his magic, and her chair was surrounded by fire. Gwaine was fighting with four men, but two of them were using magic. He tried kicking, punching, screaming, casting spells. Nothing worked. Sometimes, the glass was bending but kicking him back.

He watched all of those close to him die, but not once. He saw Arthur murdered by Mordred. And then he was killed by Morgana's dragon, who didn't hear his voice through the glass. And his mother was tortured by snakes for the information on his whereabouts. It went on, over and over again. Of course, he knew how to save them all, it was all his fault, he should have known not to walk into the trap, he should've been able to find a way to break the glass, maybe if he banged harder…

But he couldn't even breathe anymore; there was no air left… Darkness, finally.

* * *

Arthur woke up from his half-sleep to the sound of his name. He instantly looked at Merlin and what he saw was heart-breaking. The warlock was tossing and turning, kicking the air and the ground, and banging his head and fists on the latter. Tears were streaming down his face, and he was screaming different names of those close to him, and other things that suggested that they were being hurt. Arthur had never seen a nightmare so bad, but he knew it was not an ordinary one.

"Merlin! You will hurt yourself!" he tried waking him up, but there was no reaction.

He came closer and carefully put Merlin's head on his legs, holding it in his hands to stop his friend from injuring himself. Of course, he knew what the nightmare was about. And why Merlin was having it.

"Merlin, it's Arthur. I'm here, I'm alright. Gwen, Gaius, your mother, we are all fine. We will all be fine," he repeated over and over, hoping to soothe Merlin, though he doubted his friend could hear him.

Arthur felt so helpless, he wanted to punch something. He felt responsible for the situation on so many levels. It was one thing that Merlin had to go through this because of him. What was far worse is that the warlock was living that nightmare for many years now, though Arthur only just saw it. Because Merlin couldn't tell anyone but Gaius about his magic, he put the whole responsibility for fixing each situation, winning each battle that involved magic on himself. And all those times Arthur assumed his servant was scared for himself, it was never true, he was worried for everyone else.

Of course, Arthur knew how it felt, more or less. But he was preparing his whole life for this, he had advisers, Merlin who wouldn't let him be alone with any decision for more than five minutes, his round table. And still, at times it was almost unbearable. He couldn't imagine being burdened with it all of a sudden as a boy and not being able to confide in most of his friends. He felt a wave of anger and sadness, realizing how unfair it all was. It was not the time to think about his views on magic, even if it was becoming more and more evident that all the hatred and fear planted by his father were at the roots of Camelot's problems. But right now, he was just furious that his friend, a good man who was always there for him, was almost alone with his mission. And that couldn't have been right.

As he pondered on all that, Merlin slowly calmed down. He hoped that it wasn't just because the warlock wore himself down, that whatever haunted him went away.

* * *

Note: Thank you so much for the reviews, Moniurek, Vanvdreamer, and Gingeraffealene. Two of you mentioned that you can't wait for Merlin to wake up - I hope you don't mind waiting just a little bit longer :) The next few chapters are almost ready, so I promise I'll update very soon.

Also, thank you for all the follows, I'm happy that you want to know what's next.


	4. Coming Home

Merlin woke up to a foggy morning, and to tell the truth, he felt like the weather reflected his state of mind perfectly. It took him a while to piece together where he was and why, and he started wondering why Arthur wasn't there. He wasn't too worried; there was a fire that was slowly going out, and some of his things were missing. But, he needed to see him alive to fully believe it.

"I thought you'd sleep longer, so I went to bring more wood," he heard a voice behind him.

So it was real. He bolted up and turned around a little too quickly, which made him dizzy, but he shook it off. His face showed many things at once, but mainly joy and relief. There were tears in his eyes and he opened and closed his mouth a few times, but he had no clue what to say.

Arthur didn't know either. He wanted to thank Merlin, but he couldn't find the right way to do it, ordinary words didn't seem appropriate. His eyes were glistening with tears too, which wasn't what Merlin saw every day. He couldn't be sure if they weren't just his imagination. But in truth, they were very real.

The king walked to the fire and dropped the wood nearby. Then, he stood in front of the warlock, looked him in the eye, and squeezed his shoulder. Merlin grabbed his arm and smiled widely. Maybe it just wasn't the right time for talking.

They started fixing the fire, sat around it, and ate a small breakfast. The silence was full of things to be said, but at the same time it was comfortable, made of mutual understanding.

"How is your wound?" asked Merlin, finally breaking it.

"Almost healed," replied Arthur and repeated what Anhora told him about how well Merlin led the circle. "They were all impressed," he finished and yawned.

The warlock only picked up on his friend's tiredness, instead of taking the compliment, and said:

"I'm sorry, my nightmare probably kept the whole forest up."

Arthur's first instinct was to laugh. Only Merlin could worry over something like that, in a situation like theirs. But then he realized that though the apology was kind of silly, there was more to it. He would feel uneasy too if he exposed himself like that.

"I almost said you're an idiot," he started, and his friend chuckled. "But I thought it might bring back bad memories. You do know that death is worse than a night with little sleep, don't you?"

"Not really, I've never died," argued Merlin, just for the sake of it.

"Some things don't change, you'd rather die than agree with me," laughed Arthur. "But really, what I was trying to say is that I'm grateful that you agreed to go through with it. And… for everything. I may regret saying this later, but you can keep me up all you need."

"Well, the truth is, I do agree, death is also worse than a nightmare," admitted the warlock. "And Arthur?"

"Yes?"

"The memories aren't that bad. I do enjoy your clotpole side, a bit."

* * *

"Shh, listen," whispered Arthur, as he grabbed Merlin and dragged him behind a large fallen tree.

He had to be careful for them both, as Merlin could barely concentrate on walking, let alone watching out for danger. He felt as if he was in two realities at once, and neither of them was very pleasant. Going forward was both exhausting and frustrating. Avalon wasn't that far from Camelot, but because of him, their pace was unbelievably slow, and he couldn't help being annoyed at himself.

And the other world, which he was at times sucked into, brought back the most frightening side of the forest. It wasn't as real as the nightmare, and he was able to somewhat control himself, but still, pretty disturbing.

"There's one thing I forgot to mention. Anhora said that if we need help on our way back home, the help will appear. Look," said Arthur, interrupting his solemn thoughts. He pointed toward two unicorns coming out of the bushes. Apparently, the creatures were their ride home.

When carrying humans, unicorns weren't as fast as horses. However, they managed to get them to a glade that was around three and a half hours from Camelot, at least at their current walking pace. Since the creatures left and it was almost dark, they both decided it was best to camp there for the night, despite their eagerness to get home.

That time, the nightmares weren't as ruthless, but still disturbing enough to make Merlin feel as if he didn't sleep at all. His face was flushed, which suggested he had a fever, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Looking at him, Arthur considered telling him to go back to sleep for a while, after all, it was only two hours or so after dawn and they were relatively close to Camelot. But he realized that it was probably a better idea to get him to a real bed as soon as possible. He just couldn't bring himself to suggest it was time to go…

Before he did, they both heard something again. It sounded like horses, but not many, probably two or three. To be safe, they hid behind nearby trees. However, that day the morning was sunny, in more than one way. Who they saw riding onto the glade made them sprint out of their hiding, with Merlin completely forgetting about his tiredness.

"Leon! Percival!" they shouted together, feeling a bit as if they were home already.

In his long career as a knight of Camelot, Leon had many happy moments. Countless victories, including beating immortal armies and magical creatures, or winning despite being vastly outnumbered. There were quite a few reunions like that one too. But he could hardly remember ever feeling so relieved.

He spent a better part of the last few days in or around the castle, which became a very depressing place. Everyone was terrified that they might have lost their beloved king. And they weren't sure if it was more reasonable to expect Arthur to return, or Morgana to try to violently claim her throne, after having killed her half-brother.

And on top of it, Leon couldn't do a thing to help. Being one of the king's closest knights, he was used to acting rather than sitting around and waiting. It was hard to bear, especially since he wasn't only eager for news about his king, but also about two people he cared about.

"Si-," he started, but quickly realized it wasn't the time for using titles. "Arthur! Merlin! I think I've never been so pleased to see anyone!"

Both him and Percival jumped off their horses and rushed to the king and his servant. The four men patted each other on their backs, their smiles reaching all the way to their eyes. Leon grabbed Arthur's forearm, and the king returned the gesture. Then, the knight ruffled Merlin's hair.

"So, what happened to you two? I thought you were wounded, Arthur, but it's Merlin who looks sick," noticed Leon, looking at them questioningly.

"I'm not sure how much you know. Anyway, at the risk of sounding insane, I will give you the short version," said the king, and told them about Merlin being a sorcerer, winning the battle for them, and killing Morgana. He also recounted how they both taught he was dead, how the warlock summoned the healing circle, and that now he had to pay the price.

Everyone stared at him wide-eyed. Gwen and Gaius didn't tell anyone else about Merlin, so it did sound insane to Leon and Percival. As for the warlock, he didn't expect the king to be so upfront. Not to mention, he kind of forgot that people other than Arthur would find out too.

"We also rode here on unicorns," he added after a while, hoping to take off some of the tension.

Leon didn't find it funny though. Or rather, he didn't even hear it, busy fighting a battle in his head. Unlike most of the king's closest knights, he was a nobleman, and he'd been taught certain values throughout his life. Both his father and his former king felt very strongly about them. Then again, maybe he was too quick to accept them, did he ever think them through? There was no person as loyal to the king as Merlin, and by the looks of it, if it weren't for him, they would all be doomed.

He looked at the warlock and saw the same kind face that always cheered him up, even if it seemed more tired than usual. Then, he glanced at Arthur and saw his pleading eyes, as if he desperately wanted his knights to take it well. And right then, he realized that what mattered was his two friends, of which one happened to be his king, being alive. And himself, Percival, the queen prevailing too. In his heart, he knew how the person who made it happen should be treated, regardless of his methods.

„I knew you were brave, Merlin, but it seems you were much braver than I could imagine. Thank you," he said, bowing his head.

The warlock smiled at him shyly, feeling grateful for his acceptance. He noticed that Percival was very quiet the whole time though and asked, „So, what are you two doing here alone? Did we miss anything?"

He did want to know because he could sense something was up. But all the excitement, and then nervousness, must have gotten to him. He went paler and started swaying a bit.

„Why don't you tell us on the way? Can we take one of your horses?" he heard Arthur saying, and felt an arm supporting him.

* * *

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Well, you know us, sire, it was hard to sit and wait. We pretended to ourselves that we needed to do an additional patrol, and we hoped to meet someone else than Saxons," admitted Leon.

Arthur nodded his head. Of course, he would do exactly the same. But both he and Merlin realized that there was someone more hotheaded than any of them, and that he was missing.

"Makes sense. The only thing that doesn't… Where's Gwaine?" the king asked, fearing the answer.

Percival wanted to disappear, but he was an honorable man, and he knew it was his question to answer.

"We did something… really bad. If Morgana killed you, it would be on me," he said, feeling ashamed.

"I'm quite sure that whatever you did, it would be on her," assured Arthur. "What happened?"

And so, Percival told him about how they wanted to set a trap but instead fell into one, how Gwaine was tortured, and eventually forced to give out their location.

Before Arthur could react, Merlin sat up a bit straighter and asked the only thing that both of them could think of:

"How is Gwaine?"

"Alive, but barely. Gaius said that there was some sort of dark magic used that he can't reverse," said Leon quietly.

Arthur put his hand on Merlin's back. He knew that Merlin and Gwaine were close. He was worried about Gwaine. And he also felt bad, because he realized that Merlin will have, and want, to try to fix this, even though he could barely sit in the saddle. Of course, Merlin was already planning on it, but first, he turned his head and looked at the king. He wasn't precisely seeking approval, he wouldn't let Gwaine die without trying. But he wanted to make sure they were on the same page. Arthur nodded and said:

"It seems like the guy I'm traveling with might be able to help. But for now, keep it to yourselves, and what I said before too. When everyone gets better, we will discuss what to do."

Neither he nor Merlin had time to contemplate it, but the situation was a bit problematic. Telling the whole court what happened, and what had been going on for many years, would undoubtedly cause chaos. It had to be done in the right way.

"And, Percival," he added after a short pause, "I'm not saying it was very… strategic to go after a high priestess, just the two of you. But I would do the same. No, we've all done more or less the same each time we challenged her. If anything, it's my fault."

They all looked at him, surprised.

"I'm not sure if it's the time to go into this, but I will try," he started. "When I was my father's knight, he was ignoring magic, denying it. He wanted to show his dominance over it so much, he didn't see he kept sending us to certain death. Like him, I also haven't tried to understand it, I thought I could face it with a sword, and that's what I taught you. We only got away with it thanks to Merlin."

"Believe me, I'm not the lucky charm when it comes to Morgana. I'll tell you the whole story later," the warlock admitted. "But in the end, she's only dead because she followed us, and we are all alive. That's what matters, so maybe it's not the time for feeling guilty."

Arthur wasn't completely convinced, but he was grateful that his friend helped him talk Percival out of his guilt. Also, of course, he recognized every tree and every rock that they were passing, and he knew that they were only about half an hour from Camelot. Perhaps, it indeed was the moment to feel good. With that thought, he tried to lighten up the mood a bit:

"We left out something important, Merlin. He killed Morgana with my sword. It seems he can do it all now."

* * *

In the last few days, every time the bells rang, everyone in the palace run to their windows. Well, not everyone, because some were glued to them almost all the time. But it was only now that what they saw made them race down the stairs, all the way to the courtyard. People were tripping, losing parts of their dress, and generally looking more foolish than they ever allowed themselves at the court. Not everyone loved Uther Pendragon, or rather hardly anyone did, but his son was a different story. It would be difficult to find one person in Camelot who didn't pray for their beloved king to come back, or who didn't feel moved when they finally saw him riding toward the palace.

But of course, no one loved him more than his queen.

"Arthur! Merlin!" Gwen was at the front of the crowd, running to them with tears streaming down her face. "You're really back! And alive!"

When Arthur kissed and held his wife, everything started to seem just a little bit simpler. He had been sure he would never see her again, never touch her, kiss her, hear her beautiful voice. As if she was reading his mind, she whispered:

"I feared I'd never see you again."

"Me too. No, I was sure I wouldn't, I thought I was dying, I even said goodbye to Merlin. I still can't believe he managed to save me," Arthur blurted, letting off some of the tension. "It was bad, worse than ever before. But I'm as good as new now."

"We were fools, weren't we?" she laughed, looking at the warlock, and frowned. "Is he okay? He looks worse than you."

"No, but he will be. He had to agree to something to save me. I'll tell you later," said the king sadly.

They broke away, then shared one more kiss, and Gwen ran to Merlin. She hugged him and looked for words that would show how she felt, but for a long time, she couldn't find any. Finally, she took his hands, looked him in the eye and said:

"Thank you, Merlin. For bringing my husband home. You are the greatest friend anyone could wish for."

Arthur, who was standing next to her, thought that she could always express how he felt better than him.

"I might have helped along the way, but it was actually him who dragged me home," answered the warlock, apparently not used to all the praise.

"Sire, maybe you could teach your court some manners. They wouldn't let an old guy pass through the crowd!" they all heard someone shouting. When they looked at his face, it was clear that he was just masking how moved he was to see them.

"Gaius!" both Arthur and Merlin rushed to him, and the latter hugged his guardian.

Of course, as a physician, Gaius quickly noticed that something was off with the boy, the man, he treated like his son.

"I was so worried about you both. You can't imagine how glad I am to see you alive. Are you alright though?" there was so much to say, Gaius hardly managed to limit himself to what seemed the most important.

"I am. Merlin will be," explained Arthur, his tone suggesting he felt bad about the outcome. He lightly touched Gaius'es back. "We will tell you everything, but not now. Gwaine is in your chambers, isn't he? We should go there first."

"Yes, he is. Of course. Wait, what about Morgana? We were ready, as much as we could, just in case," said the physician, though he was laughing inside at the absurd idea of being prepared to face her without the only person that could defeat her.

"No need. Merlin killed her. Let's go. Stay close, maybe my court will part this time," instructed Arthur, jokingly, as Gaius breathed the sigh of relief and briefly embraced the warlock one more time, his look saying _well done_.

Merlin intended to trail behind Arthur and Gwen, but the queen had other plans. She gave her right hand to Arthur and her left one to Merlin. Again, Arthur admired how she always did the perfect thing, one he would not think of.

* * *

 _Note: I have a lot of action planned for this story, but for now, it was important for me to give the characters the chance to have some important conversations, which I've always wished they had. And there will be some more of that too._

 _Also, thank you for your reviews, Vanvdreamer and Gingeraffealene :) And to all of you who decided to follow/fav this story._


	5. Gwaine

"First, let's see if Merlin can help Gwaine. Then, we will tell you everything, or I will and Merlin will talk to you tomorrow, after he rests," said Arthur, and both Gaius and Gwen bit their tongues to stop themselves from asking all the questions that were in their minds.

"Of course, Sire. Merlin, Morgana mainly used a Nathair, but there was something else. It seems that she enchanted the snake in an unusual way. Unfortunately, the enchantment cannot be traced. You will have to go by intuition, though I found some spells for you to try," explained Gaius, gesturing at the books at one of the tables. He couldn't be sure if it were the best idea to show them in front of the king, but he had to assume it was safe, there was no time to waste.

The warlock decided to see the knight first. When the four of them approached the bed, both Merlin and Arthur gulped, and it wasn't because of his injuries. Even though they saw Gwaine wounded, or even unconscious, before, they remembered him as always being full of life. If anything, people usually wanted him to have less energy, to stop talking so much, or for once not act before thinking. It was difficult to see him like that, pale and nearly expressionless, as if there was almost no life left in him.

"Hey, Gwaine. Hold on, I will do anything I can to help you," even though the knight was unconscious, Merlin hoped he could somehow hear him. Then he realized that it was a little dumb. After all, his friend had no idea about his gift.

He started with the spells he knew, moving around Gwaine's body, touching his head and chest. However, it was as if whatever he did was bouncing back at him, hitting an invisible barrier. He asked Gaius to pass him some white sage, which could make healing spells more potent. After lighting a few twigs, he used it to smudge the knight's body, muttering the most powerful incantations he could think of. Still, no effect.

He was aware the longer it took, the less likely it was that he would manage to help his friend. He already felt like he was close to passing out. But there was no other choice than to keep trying until it happened. He walked to the table and started looking through the spells that Gaius picked. Several of them seemed to require time to master them well, but he had to attempt using them right away. For some time, he kept going back and forth between the table and the bed, tackling different spells.

Under other circumstances, the three people who were watching might have found it funny. It was as if someone was shooting for completing years of education in half an hour. But, as nothing was working, laughing was the last thing on their minds.

After many more attempts, Merlin sat at the table and put his head in his hands, trying to collect his thoughts and energy.

"Merlin, you are trying your best, it's not your fault if you can't break it. Perhaps there is no way-" started the physician.

"Gaius, stop. This doesn't end here, like this," answered Merlin, looking up. He wasn't feeling up for the task, he was sure his fever had already gone worse, and he was dizzy from all the circling around the room. But it didn't matter.

"Merlin-" he heard Arthur and instantly turned back to glare at him.

"Don't look at me like that. I wasn't going to tell you to stop, I wouldn't either. I was just passing you water," finished the king. He could barely watch what was going on. Like Leon, he hated standing by and not being able to act. And he never loathed it more than now. Merlin did enough to deserve to rest, and he evidently needed it, but there was nothing to do to help. Still, Gwaine was his good friend and a great person, he felt awful seeing him like that, and he couldn't accept the thought of him dying. And so, he understood well why Merlin wouldn't stop trying, and he was grateful for it, no matter how worried it made him.

"Sorry. And thanks," mumbled Merlin, taking the goblet with water. "If all of this weren't so unfair and stupid, I'd say it was fitting. Gwaine always got bored when the situation wasn't impossible. Remember how we met him?"

Arthur laughed sadly. "I couldn't believe how lucky we got, no one in their right mind would help us."

"When I asked him why he did it, he said he liked how slim our chances were," remembered the warlock.

"And even after my father banished him, he always found his way back to us when the odds were terrible. Not many would defend the kingdom that turned its back of them," said the king, sitting next to Merlin.

"Oh, I don't think he was doing it to defend Camelot. Maybe later. But at first, he was just helping friends. He might have hated nobles, but he would die for anyone with a noble heart," suggested Merlin, recalling all the times Gwaine risked his head for him.

"Yes, he would do anything for people he cared for. When Morgana and Helios put us in the dungeons, he would fight every day against their heavily armed troops, almost with bare hands, to win food and give it all to me," reminisced Gaius, suddenly feeling bad for almost giving up on the knight.

"If it weren't for him, I would never find you when Morgana kidnapped you. When he came here, I was ready to shout at him, I was furious, almost no one trusted me over Agravaine," added Merlin, shivering slightly at the thought of that miserable day. "But it was him who figured out where you were, and he didn't think twice about going with me."

At that point, they were all sitting around the table. Listening to everyone's stories and remembering the knight, Gwen sniffled. "Who would have thought I'd be crying over the idiot that tried to flirt with me all those years ago in the market."

But the warlock wasn't ready to cry yet. Quite the opposite, he had just thought of something. He splashed water that was left in the goblet over his face to feel more awake and said, "Alright, it's not yet the time to cry over anyone. One more try, please think your good thoughts."

* * *

Merlin kneeled behind the head of Gwaine's bed and put his hands on both sides of the knight's face. He summoned every good thought and feeling he had about his friend, everything brave, loving, honest, and loyal, the kind of energy that Morgana had no power over. And then he cast a very simple spell.

Maybe it was because the circle that healed Arthur showed him that intuitive magic might be the most powerful. But more likely, he was just reminded of that near the shores of Avalon. That was how he defeated Nimueh, how he communicated with the dragons, how Arthur freed Uther from the troll, and how Gwen unenchanted Arthur. What was in the heart was always more powerful than any incantation.

Gaius observed with wide eyes, as he'd never seen anything like that before. He knew that the spell was simple and yet, the wave of light that followed was sucking all of the darkness out of Gwaine. It looked as if black yarn was being folded into a spool, tightly surrounded by light. His amazement was nothing compared to Gwen or Arthur's though. It was the first time they witnessed Merlin, not in his 80-year old form, do such powerful magic. Well, at least the first time they did so consciously.

By the time all of the darkness was out of Gwaine's body, the warlock was exhausted. A brief look of panic crossed his face, which everyone picked up on. He wasn't sure if he would be able to dissolve that energy. And if he didn't, it would find shelter in one of them, or maybe even all. But it couldn't be. Not after everything, not just a step ahead of a better future. He mustered all of his hope, all of his care for their wellbeing, and cast the final spell. They were safe, and Gwaine was going to be alright.

* * *

Merlin felt the energy leaving him. Still on his knees, he almost hit the floor, but managed to grip the head of the bed to help himself to a sitting position. He leaned his left side against the bed. His whole body was trembling, and he started sweating harder. Thoughts and feelings began to swim very fast in his head, and it seemed like he couldn't hold to any of them for longer than a fraction of a second.

He felt a hand on his neck and opened his eyes. Even though his vision was a little blurred, he saw Arthur crouching before him and heard him saying, "Come on, Merlin. Let's get you to your room."

"N-no, I-I can't now, just a moment" he stuttered. Not only his knees were shaking too hard, but he had to make a significant effort to concentrate enough to know where he was, let alone move.

"It's alright, you don't have to do anything," the king put one arm around his friend's back, slid another under his knees, and lifted him. Before disappearing behind Merlin's door, he looked over his shoulder and briefly explained to Gaius and Gwen not to bother bringing medicines, as they wouldn't be helpful anyway.

* * *

 _A big thank you to everyone who took time to review or followed the story. And to all of those who read it :)_

 _Mersan123, yes, I didn't want to go too unicorny, but Gwaine's death didn't make any sense to me, especially the way it happened._

 _Vanvdreamer, thanks, Merlin needed it and I guess I did too. One of the worst things of the series finale for me was that he pretty much got nothing, apart from few sentences of appreciation from Arthur. It made little sense to me considering the upbeat tone of the show (at least up to Season 4 finale) and the fact that it was meant for families. I was glad I wasn't watching with kids, it would be like telling them "Children, follow your calling, stay focused, dedicated and loyal, and you'll be doomed for eternity" :D Anyway, my outlook on life is a bit more positive so I decided to change that._

 _Gingeraffealene,_ _I was smiling when writing it, though I felt a bit bad for Percival, who was feeling too guilty to fully enjoy it :)_

 _Well, I'm not yet sure how I'll divide the next few chapters (I have a lot of content that is waiting to be edited), but it seems that the next 2-3 will be heavily focused on dealing with what happened, and then it will be time for new adventures. Of course, even later the past will still play a significant part, and I plan for quite a few old characters to come back, but there will also be plenty of new action._


	6. The Journey is Everyone's

When the queen and the physician walked into the room with a bowl of water, towels, and extra blankets, they saw Arthur sitting on the edge of the bed, taking off Merlin's shoes, along with some of his clothes.

"Arthur, thank you, I can take it from here," said Gaius, feeling that the situation was a little awkward.

"No, it's alright, Gaius," replied Arthur, and reached to take the cloth. He dipped it in the water and started wiping Merlin's face and upper body.

Gwen and Gaius looked at each other, both equally dumbfounded. Of all the things that happened lately, what they were witnessing might have been the most shocking. As both knew Arthur well, though in different ways, neither of them had ever been fooled by his attitude toward Merlin. And of course, they were aware that he was no ordinary king, not someone who considered himself to be above everyone else. But, well, there were things they'd never seen him doing and hadn't expected to.

Maybe if at that moment, they could glimpse into Arthur's heart and mind, they would be less confused. Or, perhaps, more, because it was quite messy in there. It was as if there had been shells inside him, preventing him from seeing certain things, determining some of his reactions, and now they got shattered. He was watching Merlin the whole day. How he did huge amazing things, like refusing to give up on Gwaine and eventually healing him, and small kind things, such as overcoming his tiredness to comfort Percival. And he was starting to realize how many of both Merlin did for him. Surely he couldn't know everything when magic was concerned, but he was not stupid, even if he felt like it at the moment, and many events started to make more sense.

But with all that was happening, he began to remember all the everyday things too. It hit him how many times Merlin talked him out of his self-doubt, how he helped him have the life that made him happy, always pushing him toward Guinevere, toward making decisions from his heart. How he could spend the whole night on the floor just to make sure he was alright. Merlin didn't only keep things together with his magic but also with his good heart.

In fact, Arthur couldn't think of a person with a kinder heart, which is why it pained him all the more that he could hardly recall any nice things he'd done for Merlin. Yes, he might have saved his servant a few times, but even if he went out of his way to do it, he still saw it as his duty as a king or prince. And outside of that, there were only a few half-baked efforts to find out what's wrong. On rare occasions, he would admit that he cared, but in the end, he would always bury it in insults. Yes, all those omnipresent insults and all those times when he made it seem like Merlin was just there to do his chores.

So many times, he would tell his friend to look after Guinevere, because even though she was a servant, she wasn't disposable to him. But did Merlin even know that he wasn't disposable either, that he was his best friend, and in many ways, the only friend he'd ever had?

And, though it was the most uncomfortable part to admit, and the most unfair to Merlin too, that friendship was the reason why he treated him like that. Of course, it wasn't because he was a servant. Not to say that as a prince, he didn't have his low moments with Merlin's predecessors, after all, that was how they met. But he mostly grew out of that, he married a serving girl, he welcomed commoners as knights.

The thing was, Merlin was one of the few people in his life who treated him first as a person, and second as a king or prince. And the only one who'd always been like that. Even Guinevere used to turn red and run away whenever she spoke out of term. But Merlin didn't care, no matter if it was going to get him locked up in the dungeons. He was the only person who consistently found it in himself to bring up risky topics, whether they involved questionable choices, feelings, difficult decisions. And Arthur had just realized that quite possibly, he was afraid of that. Nobody saw through him like that, and exposing himself in that way was a challenge that might have scared him more than any combat.

Needless to say, recognizing that didn't make him feel great. He knew that it was a cowardly thing to do, using his power over Merlin like that. He was also aware that a few days ago, just one little step separated him from not ever being able to change that. And that would be very, very wrong because if Merlin didn't deserve to be treated like a real friend, no one did.

So, right now, he didn't care much about who was the king and who was the servant, he had a bit of a situation inside himself that left no space for such things. He wanted to help, to give back at least a little. That, and it was tough for him to watch how Merlin got so much worse, after pouring all his heart into saving him and Gwaine. That time, he wanted his friend to know that he's there for him, not just as a king who orders others to deal with the situation. In the end, it was Merlin who was right, not others. He was first a human being, and then a king. Surely he was allowed to act on that sometimes.

* * *

After they put Merlin to bed and made him as comfortable as they could, with Arthur doing most of the work, they sat with him for a while, until he fell asleep and his body calmed down a little. When they were finally going out to talk, Gwen bent down and kissed the top of Merlin's head. She might have been less shaken by the situation than her husband, understandably, but a lot was going on in her mind too. For different reasons, the queen also didn't have that many real friends in her life. Apparently, she wasn't very lucky since one of them turned out to be the evilest person she'd ever met. And no one was as loyal to her as Merlin. She was worried about him, but at the same time unimaginably grateful, and she needed to express it somehow.

"Maybe you should rest too, sire. You can briefly tell me what happened to Merlin, so I know what to do, and we can all talk tomorrow," suggested Gaius. They were sitting in silence for fifteen minutes already, and though he was eager to find out what happened, he sensed that neither of them, himself included, was in the state to have that conversation.

"No, I might as well tell you everything. I'm not tired, I was just thinking. Besides, I know you both too well to believe that you can wait until tomorrow," replied Arthur, smiling slightly.

And so, Gaius made them some tea, and the king told them the whole story. About Morgana scaring off their horses, about Merlin killing her, about how they both believed it was too late, and how the warlock summoned the healing circle, what it was, and what price had to be paid.

"All will be good then. It is a much better outcome than we could have expected," commented Gaius.

"What do you mean?" asked Arthur, surprised.

"Well, I told Merlin to take you to Sidhes. They have the kind of ancient power that could save you, but they can be vicious. Who knows what the price would be," explained the physician. "And the circle that healed you is at the very heart of good magic. That is why it is summoned so rarely, few people have intentions that are pure enough to wake up this energy."

They talked about it a bit longer. Gwen was silent the whole time.

"You can't imagine how we felt when Percival told us that Morgana knows where you are. And now I feel bad for being happy that she is dead, is that weird?" she finally said.

"No, it just means that you aren't like her. It looked like it wasn't easy for Merlin to kill her either. But we are free, at last, we deserve to feel happy," replied the king.

* * *

"You are thinking so loud, I can't sleep," whispered Gwen, lifting herself on one elbow and stroking Arthur's hair.

After they left Gaius's chambers, the queen went to find Leon and Percival, and tell them the news about Gwaine. Meanwhile, the king took a long, nice bath. Then, they had dinner and decided to have an early night. It almost worked, they were tired enough to fall asleep but too shaken not to wake up after a few hours.

"Sorry," mumbled Arthur, turning to her and stroking her face with his hand.

"You know I didn't mean it like a bad thing. Just checking if you want to talk," she replied.

And they did talk a bit, snuggled into each other, about how great it felt to be able to do just that, how little they knew about what was going on in their kingdom and how that needed to change, and of course, about what was keeping Arthur up.

"I'm not saying that it was alright to be rude, but I really don't think you fooled anyone, including Merlin. He's many things; apparently more than you or I knew, but petty is not one of them," the queen tried to comfort her husband.

"I hope so," he replied a little absentmindedly, and Gwen could sense what he was thinking about.

"Well, it's not that I'm not pleased to have you here, but since you can't sleep anyway, maybe you could relieve Gaius from snoozing on the chair. I know you're king but-" she suggested.

"I suppose that excuse is a little old. I was just about to ask you if it's alright with you that I go," interrupted Arthur, once again surprised how well she knew him.

It was more than that though. If he said he didn't want to go, she would. Evidently, either of them going wasn't absolutely necessary, perhaps it was even a little strange. But so many times, Merlin did much more for her, and everyone else, than what was needed. Also, she realized how the nightmares alone could leave a person crushed, and how important it was to have a friend there. After all, though she rarely remembered those days anymore, she was the one who used to help Morgana get through the roughest nights.

* * *

"Arthur? What are you doing here?"

The king did intend to send Gaius to bed abut when he walked into the room, he briefly forgot about the physician sleeping in the chair, exactly as his wife predicted. Apparently, healing Gwaine hit Merlin hard; he looked like he was really struggling. At that point, it wasn't clear if he was having any nightmares, but he was very pale, his torso was shaking, and his fever certainly hadn't gotten any better. The shirt they changed him into was soaked, and his hair was plastered to his head and face.

While Arthur trusted Anhora that the symptoms would pass on their own, that didn't make it any easier to watch his friend suffer, or hear his quiet groans and uneasy breaths. With a squeeze in his chest, he quickly approached the bed and sat on the edge again. It was only then that he remembered there was pretty much nothing that could be done to help. He adjusted the blankets and briefly rubbed Merlin's forearm, hoping it would let him feel someone was there for him. Then, he wetted the cloth and accidentally brushed his wrist against the rant of the bowl. While he managed to catch it before the water spilled, the noise woke up a very surprised physician.

"I'm sorry, Gaius, I should have woken you. I planned to, but I saw Merlin like this, and I forgot," explained Arthur, gesturing at the lying man. „You can go rest, I will stay."

"Shouldn't you be the one resting, Arthur? You've been through a lot in the last few days," suggested Gaius, raising from his chair.

"I couldn't sleep anymore," admitted the king, looking up and meeting the physician's gaze, which reflected both his concern and a slight surprise.

Before the older man could reply, Arthur sighed and decided to open up a little more, "Also, I really want to be here. It's not the kind of thing I'm good at, you know me, Gaius, and you know how I was raised. But Merlin deserves and needs friends right now, so I got to try."

After shaking off the initial amazement, Gaius was genuinely moved. How many times he saw his ward coming to their chambers with tears in his eyes, devastated by how he was treated. It mostly happened in the early years, later he would usually swallow it. Still, the physician knew how much his boy wanted to be seen and accepted for who he was. He was finally appreciated for it, and of course, it was deserved, after all those years. Admittedly, it was a little awkward to see the king caring for his servant in such way, at least for someone who spent a considerable part of his life serving Uther. But who was he trying to fool, those two were never just a king or a prince and a servant.

With those thoughts, Gaius walked around the bed and placed his hand on Arthur's arm, saying:

"I admit I was a little taken aback at first, perhaps I spent too many years under the old customs. But I'm sure that it means a lot to Merlin that you're here, and I'm grateful."

Then, he walked toward the door. Before he could reach them, he heard Arthur asking:

"I told you this myself, but maybe you know something more. Is there really nothing we can do to make it easier on him?"

He turned around and saw the king gently pressing the cloth to Merlin's forehead. Even though he didn't see his full face, and there were only two candles lit in the room, he could see how hard it was for Arthur to watch his friend like that, after everything that went down in the last few days. Perhaps the journey wasn't only Merlin's after all.

"I believe so. We can keep him comfortable and make sure he drinks plenty of water when he's awake, but there's no way around it, only through. You shouldn't worry too much though. I know it's difficult to see him like this. Merlin is like a son to me, I feel the same, I would do anything to take it away. But such magic meddles with powerful energy, now he has to process it. In fact, it's so strong that it affects us all, you, me, Gwaine. Which doesn't make it something to be scared of, it's the energy of life itself, the same that keeps us going, makes us feel and act, just more intense, which is why it's so hard on Merlin. And when such magic is used for good, you can only trust. You can't stop it or kill it, like you can't deny life."

* * *

Merlin spent the night with Morgana shadowing over his dreams, possibly because of the enchantment he had to free Gwaine from. Up until one point, the nightmares weren't even so bad, compared to the ones from days before. Maybe he spent so much time obsessing about her and what she can do, that even the nightmares about her nasty little monsters and cruel tricks couldn't surprise him anymore. Or perhaps, his body was giving him such a hard time that he couldn't engage.

But then, he dreamed about something worse than tortures and evil charms. He was in some room he didn't know, and it seemed that he was a guardian, sitting in a comfortable armchair and waiting for people to pass through one of the two doors. One of them led to a good life, filled with good magic, love, friends, family, peace. The other went straight to a dark place, full of evil sorcerers, nasty creatures, loneliness, greed, and jealousy.

For a long time, no one was coming. He waited and waited. Eventually, he saw a woman approaching him. As she was closing the distance, her posture started looking familiar. It was Morgana, but not yet consumed by hatred. She was still a scared young woman, who didn't know what to do about her magic, who was haunted by nightmares and seeking help.

He was the guardian that had the power to decide where she would go. And with little hesitation, he opened the door to the dark place. Before disappearing behind, she grabbed his hand and took him with her. Her clothes changed to black, she was wearing a hooded cloak and holding an enchanted sword. People that died because of her in real life, hundreds of them, were standing in the line and she was killing them one by one. With each, she was turning to him and saying, that's on you.

 _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ , he repeated over and over again.

* * *

When Merlin woke up from the nightmare, he wasn't sure if he didn't accidentally perform an aging spell on himself, one that made him at least 160 years old. His whole body felt sore, shaky and useless, and he had a throbbing headache. But apart from those, the warlock also felt something cool on his forehead, and a hand on his right shoulder. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Arthur? What are you doing here?" he asked somewhat shakily.

"At the moment, counting how many times I can get asked that question in one night," replied the king, smiling slightly.

"I can tell you. Two. How did you answer the first time?" retorted Merlin. Apparently, his brain was working better than his body.

At first, Arthur wanted to carry on with the banter, to find a witty answer that would get him out of being completely honest. Before he opened his mouth though, he realized that always doing that was precisely what he felt bad about.

"I woke up some hours ago and couldn't sleep anymore," he started, looking for the right words. "And… I wanted to see how you were," he finished, though it wasn't exactly what he meant, or rather, there was much more to say.

For Merlin though, it was already a lot. It wasn't what Arthur said, but him not downplaying the reason why he came in the middle of the night. It actually surprised the warlock enough for him not to know how to answer, which was rare.

"Here, Gaius said you should drink," the king held out a goblet of water.

Merlin raised himself on one elbow and took it thankfully. Before he managed to drink though, the arm that was supporting him gave out, and he plummeted back onto the pillow. In the process, he let the goblet slip from his hand.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Arthur caught the goblet before it hit the floor, using knight's reflexes, and refilled it. He then moved to the bed and helped Merlin sit and drink.

"I feel stupid," admitted the warlock, as he was settling back under the blankets.

"Don't be silly," answered the king, in a much gentler tone than the mocking one he usually used for such remarks. "You only got sick because you saved me, and you got worse because you saved Gwaine, which was incredible by the way."

"But I'm not dying because of it, I could manage without you or Gaius spending the night on the chair next to me. No one got much rest lately," argued Merlin. It was a bit hard for him to adjust to all the attention.

Arthur took a deep breath.

"You know, my best friend once spent the night on the floor behind the door of the throne chambers, and told me in the morning that he didn't want me to feel alone," he recalled, finally finding it in himself to say some of the things that were on his mind from the beginning of the conversation. "I realize I've been… a shabby friend. But I don't want you to be alone in this either."

"I wouldn't say you've been shabby, I've seen much worse. And thank you."

* * *

The night seemed to be exceptionally long. Since Merlin woke up, neither him nor Arthur was able to fall asleep, albeit in case of the latter it might have had to do with the discomfort of the chair.

"Anything interesting about this wall, Merlin? You've been staring at it for quite a while, and you look like you could use more sleep," the king broke the silence.

"Nah, it's too miserable there," absentmindedly replied the warlock, slowly moving his gaze to him. At least, he was feeling a bit better physically.

"Maybe it won't be so bad this time," Arthur offered, looking at him with concern. Then, before he could stop himself, he added, "Who were you apologizing to in your nightmare? You don't have to say."

Merlin gulped. The answer was easy enough, but without further explanation, it didn't make any sense. And telling the whole story would be messy. But then again, there had been enough lies and coverups already.

"To all those killed by Morgana, or dead because of her. Maybe a little to her, too," he finally said, subconsciously bringing the blanket closer to his body.

„Before you killed her, you said you blame yourself for what happened to her. Why?" again, the king spoke before thinking, but this time, he corrected himself. "I'm sorry, I know it's not the time. Maybe when you feel better."

"No, I suppose I can as well tell you now," answered the warlock, even though he felt uneasy about doing it. "If you really want to know, I sometimes think I'd prefer not to."

"I do. But say when you are tired, you can finish another time," Arthur was still unsure whether it was a good idea it up now, but he couldn't force Merlin to sleep, and he couldn't deny he was awfully curious.

And so, just an hour or so before dawn, they had the first of their many conversations that would rewrite the past in the king's mind.

"Well, it's just that I feel like I pushed her in the dark direction. She confided in Gaius and me when she started discovering her gifts. I knew how she felt, how it is to be disgusted with yourself, scared, and lonely. I really, really wanted to tell her about my magic, but Gaius said I couldn't. And there was someone else who told me that she is destined to become evil, that I can't trust her-" started Merlin. It brought back a lot of feelings, so he was a little chaotic.

He was also speaking very quietly, so Arthur moved his chair a bit closer. At that moment, he started to feel disgusted with himself too. The truth was, he never once thought about how people like Merlin or Morgana didn't choose to have magic, and how unfair it was to them to label them as evil, blindly following Uther's standards.

"-I couldn't just let it go, so I found the druids and sent her there. But there was no plan, and it should have been, she just went to them, and your father started executing everyone. I wanted to stop it, so I followed her, also without a plan, and led you there. The chieftain died because of me, and I believe he was the one who could keep both Morgana and Mordred on the good path," continued the warlock, looking solemn.

"It seems to me that the chieftain died because of me and my father, you didn't give orders. And your intentions were noble, it's just that sometimes bad things come out of them. But those decisions you had to make, they were at least as hard as any king's, and you had far less help. The thing with them is that no matter how much you would like to, you can never save everyone," offered Arthur, once again realizing how much his friend had to deal with.

"That was just the beginning though. I worry that it was me who pushed her to evil for good when I poisoned her," recalled Merlin, looking like he was about to bury himself in the pillow.

"You poisoned her before she became evil?" asked the king, confused.

So Merlin told him about the sleeping spell, and how they were all in danger. And then, how her fall from the stairs was because of him, and how he couldn't bear watching everyone grieving so he saved her, even though he knew it could unleash hell. "But the poisoning, it was awful, it still felt like killing a friend. I don't think she was all evil then, she just wanted your father dead. I'm not saying it was right, but I can understand that," he added, shivering at the memory of those times.

"I don't see how you could do anything else. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that on your own, it shouldn't have been like this," the king replied. Seeing that it clearly wasn't easy to revive it, he added, "You know, we really don't have to do this now, you should rest."

"No, it feels good to be able to talk about it, at last," argued Merlin.

* * *

They talked for much longer, way past the first daylight. About Morgana's attempts to kill Arthur way before she and Morgause created the immortal army, about how she chased Merlin without knowing his identity, and how she enchanted the warlock to kill the king. Finding out how many more evil things she did without him knowing made Arthur angry, especially since it was always down to Merlin and Gaius to clean the mess. But eventually, as they worked their way through the whole circle, they came back to good memories.

"Before she almost destroyed us all, she did save us a few times," remembered Arthur. "You know, each time there was something I knew I should do, but I couldn't decide because of my father, she would play with my head until I felt I had no other choice."

"And no other person didn't think twice before standing up to him," added Merlin. "All while having more reasons than anyone to be scared."

"Weren't you scared?" asked Arthur, stretching his legs.

"I was, sometimes, but I think she was more helpless. At first, she only had foretelling dreams, then some magic that she had no control over. It would be enough for Uther to trash her with sorcery, but she was defenseless. I could at least hope that my powers would help me escape," explained the warlock.

"That's one way of looking at it. Another is that my father would surely try to execute you if he found out, but he might have spared Morgana, he did love her, in his confused way," said Arthur, and remarked, "What's surprising is that after all of this, you don't seem to hate her."

"Nor do you. I'm relieved that she's dead and I suppose I should have tried harder to make it happen earlier, even for her sake, it must have been miserable to live with nothing but hatred. But we both know that there's more to the story," replied the warlock.

There was one thing he didn't want to say out loud. It was clear to him that up to a certain point, Morgana was a far better person than Uther. Morgause was the first person who saw her for who she was and gave her full support, he could understand why Arthur's sister got so easily corrupted. Anyway, he was feeling slightly better and tried to move his body a little to get rid of the soreness.

The door opened, and Gaius poked in.

"Hello, I came to see if you need anything. I'm going out to collect some herbs, I'm running low on many ingredients after the battle," said the physician.

When Merlin shook his head, Arthur answered:

"I think we are good, thank you, Gaius. But you had your hands full lately, maybe we can send someone else to pick the herbs for you."

"Thank you, Arthur, but I fear that anyone other than Merlin or me wouldn't know what to bring. The walk will do me good, don't worry. I will be back soon," with that, Gaius bowed his head and disappeared behind the door.

The warlock rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Merlin, I promise it's the last time I'm saying this, but try to get some sleep. I will be back soon too, I have an idea," announced Arthur, getting up from the chair.

* * *

 _Thank you for all the reviews, I really appreciate that you took time to read and/or post here :)_

 _Gingeraffealene, thanks, I always liked Gwaine, he's probably my favorite knight, and I rewatched the episodes in which he played an important part many times, so I wouldn't forget._

 _Moniurek, as said above, me too :) It was hard for me to get over his death, it seemed really pointless for many reasons._

 _Vanvdreamer, thanks, in the above chapter I went one step further in cracking Arthur's (figurative) armor, I thought that some events just have this effect on people._

 _I really wanted to give the characters some time to process what happened with this chapter, they rarely had it in the show. The next one will be a little lighter, and it should be up soon. Have a lovely day (or night) everyone!_


	7. Happier Days

Gwen didn't hear much of what Arthur said after the first sentence.

He stormed into their chambers and asked if she'd like to help him prepare breakfast for Merlin, Gaius, and themselves. He then explained that the physician had a lot to deal with after the battle, and his assistant, of course, needed to focus on a different kind of work right now. He wanted to do something nice for them, and not by doing them favors as the king, which required no actual effort on his side. After all, they both put immense work into his wellbeing and got little in return. As he said, he finally fully understood what she told him all those years back, when he was staying at her house.

But, like we said, the queen heard little of his explanation. His idea was enough for her to feel like she'd never loved him more. And, instead of listening, she thought that thankfully, he didn't die at Camlann, but he seemed to have left behind a part of himself, a part of Uther in himself. For years, she had been watching his transformation from an arrogant prince to a worthy, good-hearted king who… well, displayed humbleness at times. But never before had the change been so noticeable. And even though his entitlement didn't bother her so much anymore, nothing could please her more. It was not only how she always wanted her husband to be, but also how she wished for her friends to be treated, and what kind of person she wanted to rule the land.

"-And I think we could all use a nice meal together… Guinevere, are you even listening to me?" Arthur asked impatiently, finally noticing his wife's distant look.

She gave him a quick kiss and told him to give her fifteen minutes before they go.

* * *

In the last few days, people in the palace had a lot to talk about, but up until the previous morning, not enough to find joy in. Perhaps, what they craved now was someone lightening the mood a little. Apparently, their king and queen were ready to take that responsibility upon themselves. Quite possibly, when they walked into the kitchens and announced they would need space to prepare breakfast, they caused the biggest sensation the place had ever seen. And one that was going to be talked about for months, at least.

"It's actually a little like using a sword. The opponent isn't very dynamic, but I'm enjoying it," observed Arthur and Gwen giggled. She was the one in charge, for obvious reasons, and she made him do the chopping. As usual, she guessed right what would suit him most.

* * *

"Merlin!" said Gwen cheerfully, as Arthur was helping their friend out of his room. "We weren't sure if you would be hungry, but the food we prepared is light, I hope it will be alright for you."

The warlock froze in his tracks and stood in the middle of the chambers, staring at the sight before him. If it wasn't for Arthur, he would probably fall down, and not because he still felt weak. Space was rearranged a little, as there was too much food to fit on their regular eating table, and they had to temporarily clean one of Gaius's benches. The physician was sitting at it, looking like he didn't quite know what to do with himself. And who did Gwen mean when she said _we_ prepared?

"You both look confused. It is meant for eating," laughed Arthur, as he and Merlin finally joined Gaius and Guinevere at the improvised table.

"Hang on, I am busy figuring out if I'm awake," mumbled Merlin, with Gaius muttering something that sounded like "Aren't we all."

"You are asking for trouble. I'm sitting next to you, and I could easily help you with that," joked the king. "But really, you are both awake, and it's the least we could do."

"I am grateful, but you didn't have to. I hardly did anything, I am just pleased that everything unfolded the way it did," replied Gaius, tentatively putting food on his plate.

"Gaius, if you weren't here, I'd probably spend my life happy that the broom sweeps the floor for me, and not do much else," Merlin looked at him sternly. "Not that I don't agree it's strange."

"You are both strange," joined in Gwen, putting down her goblet. "There are no two people in this palace who are more deserving of being served breakfast, but also no one who is worse at taking a compliment."

Merlin chewed on his fruit and said, "I'm sorry, some things are just hard to get used to. But it's strange in a good way. I think."

"It better be, you should have seen the faces of those working in the kitchens when Arthur was chopping the vegetables," replied Gwen, giggling.

The warlock spat out what was in his mouth, and Gaius almost choked.

"What? I didn't poison it, Merlin," said Arthur, exasperated.

"No, I know, just… thank you."

"If that's your thank you, it's the rudest I've ever got," laughed the king. "But you're welcome."

* * *

"Are you alright?" asked Gaius, looking at Merlin's stupid face after the king and the queen left, not before insisting on cleaning after the breakfast. Before the warlock could answer, he added, "Am I alright?"

"I don't think so. You know, Gaius, I might have told you many times how I wished to be appreciated for who I am. But I didn't mean that the world had to turn upside down," answered Merlin, still looking as if someone hit him hard on the head.

"It is strange, I've never given much thought to what would happen after you reveal the truth, between you and Arthur. I mean, certainly, I did think about his initial reaction, but not beyond that," admitted the physician. "I suppose it's not only about that though."

"What do you mean?" asked Merlin, taking a sip of his tea.

"Well, how you saved him this time was quite special, I think he can sense it. I believe it would affect any friendship," explained Gaius. "Anyhow, it seems like you had a successful week. And for the first time, I'm not the only one who appreciates it."

The warlock looked at him and scratched his face, „" still can't believe it all happened. Telling the truth, killing Morgana, the circle. Did you even know that they existed?"

"Yes, at least in theory. I've never met anyone who participated in one," replied Gaius, going toward one of his shelves to look for Gwaine's medicine.

"You did, Kilgharrah was there, though he said it was his first time in many years," Merlin corrected him. "I can't believe it was the last time I saw him. But I shouldn't get into it now, my mind is only waiting to pick up on something depressing. What may interest you, there was also a forest keeper!"

Gaius turned around from his work. "It does, but what interests me most is that you are back, And right now, it looks like you are about to fall onto the table. You can lie down on my bed if it's boring up there," he said, gesturing at the warlock's room.

* * *

Three days later, Merlin felt much better. There were still ups and downs, which could be expected in the coming weeks, but he mostly recovered from the state he got into after saving Gwaine. One strange result of the latest events was him having plenty of free time. Arthur ended up giving him more than two days off and forced him into agreeing to it. Also, so far, neither the king nor anyone else managed to get themselves into trouble that would require urgent action. So, it was almost dull.

He considered helping Gaius, but the physician was running around the palace checking on people who were injured in the battle. At least, Gwaine was supposed to wake up soon, and Merlin hoped he would liven the place up a bit. For now, he decided to get busy learning new spells and settled down on his bed with one of his magic books.

Thankfully, he didn't have to hide them anymore, because no more than fifteen minutes later, Arthur marched through the door.

"Merlin, I've just run into Gaius, who said that sitting on your backside is not one of your talents. Wanna go to the training ground with us?" he asked.

"Do I get to be the target even on my day off?" retorted Merlin, smirking.

"Obviously, no, you will still only get to sit, just with a better view," explained the king. He was standing next to the bed and looking at him questioningly, waiting for his decision.

"Alright, I'll take it," agreed the warlock, putting down the book. Arthur sat down on the chair. He took a quick glance at what his friend was reading but quickly realized it probably wasn't up his alley. Then again, he couldn't deny being a little intrigued but five minutes weren't enough to satisfy that.

Just as he was about to observe that it seemed like not having to clean his chambers made Merlin more eager to clean the place, they heard a strange noise, as if someone stumbled onto the table and knocked down some of Gaius' vials and bottles. Before they could react, Arthur, whose chair was facing the door, saw Gwaine clumsily climbing up the stairs.

"You're both alive…" the knight whispered, leaning heavily against the doorframe.

"Gwaine! You're back! Awake!" exclaimed the warlock, as both him and Arthur rushed to their friend. Merlin was so overjoyed that he failed to notice he was only wearing one shoe.

"And of course, you couldn't stay in bed for five minutes," laughed the king, when they were leading him back there.

"I thought I heard you talking and I had to check," mumbled Gwaine, and Arthur and Merlin exchanged looks. Only now they realized what was likely going on in the knight's mind.

After Gwaine was back in bed, they were all silent for a while, which was uncommon for any situation that involved the three of them. The warlock scoured through the vials on one of the physician's tables and picked up one with purple liquid inside.

"Gaius should be back to check on you soon but drink this for the pain," he instructed with a smile.

Gwaine grimaced at the taste and coughed a bit. He gave himself another moment, taking a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry," he finally said, and they both saw the broken look in his eyes, and his lips trembling slightly.

"Stop, Gwaine," quickly replied Merlin, rubbing the knight's shoulder. "We don't care. We are all here, and we are just happy to have you back."

"And Merlin killed Morgana, so apart from you getting hurt, it all ended well," added Arthur, perching on the other side of the bed.

Gwaine looked at them, slightly shocked, and briefly scratched his head.

"Not that I ever doubted you, friend, but… you killed Morgana?" he asked. Even though there was mostly disbelief, or surprise, in his voice, it also betrayed something else, something that came as a surprise even to him. On the one hand, the thought was a little ridiculous. But on the other, it sounded very right, though he couldn't quite determine why.

"Well, Gwaine. I suppose it's high time to tell you what you missed," announced Arthur. It might have been problematic to figure out how to break out the story to everyone in the palace, and both Gaius and he thought it was better to wait a while longer. But telling his closest knights was the fun part. "For once, something may manage to make you speechless."

And so Merlin told him about his magic, at last. How often he yearned for that moment, mainly after Lancelot died. But he didn't want to put him in a difficult situation, so he kept quiet, all those years.

Gwaine indeed didn't know what to say. At first, he wanted to burst out laughing. It was hilarious that Merlin pulled that off without any of them finding out, deceiving everyone, including Uther. Then again, he cared for his friend, and it was far less amusing that he had to do it. He knew him well enough to realize how hard it must have been to lie. Not to mention all those things he was forced to deal with, all by himself. To make it worse, unfortunately, Gwaine was aware of his own big mouth, which he sometimes used to dismiss magic. And it wasn't even like he stood firmly against it, he just didn't give it enough thought.

It had never been easy for Merlin to anticipate anyone's reaction to his secret. Naturally, telling Gwaine seemed like a picnic compared to revealing it to Arthur. But whoever it was, even Will, he couldn't help feeling anxious. And frankly, right now, the knight's expression wasn't dropping any clues. At first, he looked amused, but then his face turned much more solemn, and later even sad. What did it all mean?

He didn't find out right away, as Gwaine literally didn't say a word. Perhaps it would be better if he did, but he got so buried in his thoughts, he forgot that he was supposed to. Arthur was astonished, even if he foretold it, he didn't really envision Gwaine taking longer than Leon to react. As the silence was getting uncomfortably loud, he joined in and recounted what happened since Camlann.

Eventually, Gwaine shook off some his confusion. "Thanks, Merlin. For healing me, and for all the other things too-" he started. It was evident that he intended to say more, but again, nothing came out.

The warlock became worried that his friend didn't take it that well and was holding back from speaking his mind.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, I'm not quiet because I'm not alright with it," Gwaine quickly assured, after seeing the look on his face. Both the king and the warlock let out a sigh of relief. The former, for obvious reasons, and the latter because he knew from his own example how painful it would be for Merlin if it went the other way.

"I think it's great you stayed all those years and put up with everything, even Uther," he looked apologetically at Arthur, but the king nodded subtly, signaling his acceptance. "From what I've seen, there aren't many who would do that. I just got sad that you were alone in this, and felt stupid for saying dumb things about magic sometimes."

* * *

"Merlin, you are not a servant at this dinner."

"I'm sorry, sire, it's hard to break the habit."

"Of course, now you are calling me that. And there's no one person here who would take it seriously."

Everyone laughed as Merlin joined them at the table. With the king's servant being temporarily off his duties, they all missed the pair's constant banter. Well, to be fair, Merlin's time off wasn't exactly effective in separating them, but still, they did fight less when there was no armor to polish. Though there might have been a couple other reasons for that too.

It had been about two weeks since Gwaine woke up. As soon as he recovered enough and Merlin's symptoms and nightmares lessened a bit, the queen thought that after everything they had been through, they deserved to celebrate. Together with the king, they decided that it wasn't yet the time for large feasts. After all, those always had an air of formality about them. And what they all could do with was letting off some steam and being able to talk about everything openly, while enjoying a meal with friends.

So, there were only seven of them, counting Merlin who tried to disguise himself as one of the servants for a brief moment. Eventually, he found his place at the table filled with different kinds of meat and fruit, with servants going around, offering soup and wine.

After some time, the king noticed that the warlock refused for his goblet to be refilled several times in a row and eyed him suspiciously, surprised by his cautious attitude.

"Merlin, for someone who spent so much time in the tavern-" he started, and almost blushed when another realization of his gullibility dawned on him. "-Oh. Were you ever actually in the tavern?"

Merlin laughed. "Sometimes, when I was looking for Gwaine. But it was mostly Gaius trying to humiliate me more."

"A good thing then that Gaius has never embarrassed himself in the tavern," suggested Leon, thinking back to the time when the physician, possessed by a goblin, spat beer in his face, which almost ended in a duel.

"Show an old man some respect, sir Leon," joked Gaius. "You know it wasn't really me."

Gwen and Arthur exchanged brief looks, sensing the approaching danger. Someone dared to talk about the week that never happened, one that definitely didn't involve any farts or donkey ears.

"Hang on, can anyone tell us the whole story?" pleaded Gwaine, gesturing at Percival and himself, who weren't in Camelot around that time. As could be expected, unlike Merlin, he wasn't holding back when it came to wine.

It was hard to tell if the warlock didn't notice threatening looks on the king and queen's faces, or if he conveniently chose not to. "Well, Gaius was possessed by a goblin and played tricks on everyone. He made Uther go bald, he spat beer in Leon's face and gave him warts, got me thrown into dungeons for sorcery-" he paused for a moment, realizing the last one was actually lawful.

"Merlin, don't you dare finish," warned him Arthur, and the warlock looked at Gwaine and Percival, and breathed "I'll tell you later." Then, he decided to quietly pretend to focus on the piece of meat on his plate. The memory of farts and donkey ears was just too good to let go of it so quickly.

* * *

"Alright, I want to say something, before Gwaine passes out," the king announced, raising from his chair. He looked around the table. "No, I'm sorry, Gwaine. I've just noticed that, to my surprise, Leon outdid you this time."

Everyone but Leon chuckled, with Gwaine and Percival murmuring cheerfully to each other. Arthur assessed the situation correctly, which was, to say the least, an unexpected development. Not to say that Leon wasn't more gracious in his current state than many when at their best. Or, that even if he was drunker than Gwaine on that particular occasion, he could compete with his fellow knight's most significant achievements, like flying across tables or making twenty new friends and several mortal enemies in less than half an hour. Still, there was no way around it. Right now, sir Leon, who they hardly ever saw doing as much as slouching a little, was the only one at the table who couldn't sit straight anymore. Not that anybody would blame him. After all, they did have a lot to celebrate, and there weren't many people who loved Camelot more or rejoiced more in her victories.

"Anyway," Arthur started again, and the chatter, as well as the clattering of cutlery, plates and goblets, ceased. "Some years ago, just after becoming king, I had a moment of stupidity. I told Merlin that I'm now king and I don't need anyone to share my burden. That foolish idea was only with me for a brief moment. But now, more than ever, I realize how much I've needed each of you, and how you've never failed me. A lot has happened, we lost those we loved, we were turned against each other, often divided by those who I wrongly trusted. But you always found your way back."

He paused for a moment, taking another glance at everyone. "And I couldn't be more grateful that you are all here now, that we reached this happy moment together. So, I think that if ever there was a time to compete with Gwaine, Leon chose the right one," he finished with a joke and raised his goblet.

* * *

 _I'm very grateful to all of you who keep reading the story, and especially those who took time to review._

 _Mersan123, I'm a little conflicted on whether Merlin pushed them but I'll PM you about this, as it may be a bit chaotic :) Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the chapter!_

 _Vanvdreamer, yes, I feel that after all those years, it's about time for their friendship to finally mature. Thanks!_

 _Gingeraffealene, that's what I missed so much in the show, time for everyone to process things together, which is why I'm giving them that. So they don't all develop some serious PTSD :) Thank you!_

 _I'm not sure, maybe I'll update again before/during holiday (it's quite likely) but just in case, here's the promised light chapter that I hope fits the mood. The next two chapters (well, mainly the latter but there will be hints in the next one too) will set the tone for new adventures and what they will revolve around :)_


	8. Fathers, Mothers, And The Last Blow

The day was so charming, Leon and Gwaine could hardly bring themselves to tell the rest of the knights it was time to wrap up their patrol. Branches above their heads were swaying slightly in the warm morning breeze, with shadows dancing on the ground, reflecting their movement. Looking between the trees, they could see the pale sun rising slowly on the cloudless sky.

"Hey, Gwaine, isn't that Merlin sitting on the rock over there?" Leon asked, clearly surprised, pointing at the clearing on their left.

"I think so. What on earth?," replied Gwaine, equally confounded. They were even a little bit further from Camelot than the usual patrol gets, it hardly seemed like a typical spot for a morning walk.

"Let's send the others back, the forest is as safe as my chambers today. Then, we can go see what's up with him," Leon proposed and without waiting for his friend's opinion, pulled the rein to turn around.

He didn't have to. Of course, Gwaine would go check on Merlin. Not to mention that on a day like that, he would likely do anything just to stay out in the woods. Contrary to what some people believed, the tavern wasn't the only environment he enjoyed.

* * *

"Merlin! What are you up to?" Gwaine shouted joyfully, hopping off his horse.

"Nothing. Just sitting," answered Merlin, his tone not nearly as cheery.

He was seated on a large rock, knees pulled to his chest, looking straight ahead. The two knights leaped onto it, one on each side of the warlock.

"Aren't we chatty today," observed Gwaine, nudging him lightly. Merlin laughed half-heartedly.

"Alright, I don't like the tension, we have enough of it in combat. What's wrong?" Leon took him by surprise, it was unlike him to be so straightforward. He moved his gaze to the knight, preparing to answer.

Only then Leon noticed that the warlock had dark circles under his eyes and his skin was slightly paler than usual.

"It was another nightmare, wasn't it? I thought they got better," the knight cut in before Merlin could answer.

Since the latter's journey after saving Arthur started, the knights had been surprisingly supportive. Not that he didn't expect them to try, but he thought it might be awkward. After all, he rarely had intimate conversations with Leon or Percival, and he had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't really their thing. But somehow, they rose to the occasion. And it couldn't be only because they were so grateful Arthur lived. They also treated him as one of them, he fought alongside them more often than most of the knights, though using different means. For people like Gwaine, Leon or Percival, that meant he was like family.

There was only one problem. That time, he really didn't want to talk. Things were good, and if anything, that story could create more tension. It had nothing to do with Leon or Gwaine, but if he told them, it would be out there. And he didn't ever believe in what he saw there, he didn't know why it came to him. Not to mention, he really, wholeheartedly didn't want it to reach Arthur.

"They did but you can never know with them, I guess. I hope it means they'll soon end," he answered after a while.

"So, what was it about? The ones you had before hardly made you run out of your chambers, let alone hide in the forest," noticed Gwaine, shifting in an attempt to find a comfortable position.

"It wasn't that bad. I needed to get out for a bit, that's all," Merlin tried to avoid giving a direct answer.

"Clearly not, it's the first time you don't want to tell us anything. You tend to turn it into a joke and sometimes get serious later," remarked Leon, and the warlock thought it was a relief his biggest secret was out because everyone was getting too good at reading him lately. An open book, at last.

"I really don't know how to joke about it," he admitted. "And I'm not sure how I feel about it either, I had no idea it was bothering me."

"You know, there's this thing they call describing. It's easy, you should try it," Gwaine encouraged him.

Merlin let out a long sigh. There was no way out of this. Of course, out of all the places he could go to, he had to choose one on the path of their patrol. And now his plan to wait the confusion out and forget all about the dream was ruined.

"Fine. But remember I don't know where it came from," he warned, and both knights nodded. "So, the nightmare was about Uther burning my father for sorcery. And then, many years later, burning me, with Arthur just standing there and chatting with someone."

"Well, if I were you, I'd have this one for sure," Leon was first to comment. "You didn't have to believe Arthur would want to burn you to fear it. Gaius and Gwen were almost executed, Gwen's father died. Uther wasn't easy to persuade, even by his son."

"I was almost burned too, in my 80-year old disguise," reminded Merlin and Leon made a gesture that said _exactly_ , though it took him a moment to piece the facts together. "But I called Uther a stupid, arrogant tyrant, I guess I'd go down for treason anyway. The thing is, I didn't ever feel that scared of being executed."

Gwaine and Leon both looked at him, surprised.

"I feared I'd have to leave if someone found out, like my father, but I've never thought much about the possibility of dying like that," the warlock admitted. He indeed had no idea why the nightmare came in such form. It was mostly Gaius who always dreaded that Merlin would be executed. Surely, he was also aware of the risk, but he assumed he would manage to disappear, and the painful part was that it would mean failing at his destiny. And to make his current situation both more unpleasant and utterly confusing, when he woke up, he felt extremely hot and couldn't bear the thought of spending the day in Camelot.

Gwaine made a mental note to himself to get the full truth about Merlin's father out of him. Now wasn't the time though, because he had an idea about what was going on. He pulled one of his knees up to support his arm and head.

„" may be putting too much of myself into your head, but what if it wasn't about fear," he suggested, and Merlin instantly glanced at him, curious. „You had your noble reasons, eyes on a greater goal. But you still spent many years serving under Uther and probably protecting him too. Arthur was always different, but for many years, he wasn't different enough for your kind. I don't think you should, but maybe you feel a little guilty."

Now, that made a lot more sense for Merlin. Perhaps it wasn't so bad to talk about it after all.

* * *

"Merlin, what are you doing here so early?" asked Arthur. He bumped into his friend in one of the corridors, on his way out of the council room.

"Running an errand for Gaius. I was bored," explained Merlin, not being completely honest. He was more restless than bored. Talking to Leon and Gwaine the day before helped him figure out why the nightmare came to him. But since then he was left to deal with it, thinking about all the times he sided with Uther over magic, and more importantly, people and creatures who had it.

Was it always necessary for protecting Arthur? Or perhaps, sometimes, he got his responsibilities confused? How he wished he could just call Kilgharrah and discuss it. The dragon did tell him though, "let Uther die." But how could he find it in himself to allow his best friend's father to be murdered? And to make it worse, he knew that though it always confused him, Gaius did care about Uther too. He didn't want to pull any of them into his misery though, so he was trying his best to avoid talking to them about it, which translated into avoiding talking to them at all.

Well, that was about to get a little more challenging.

The king nodded. "Anyway, it's good to see you. Maybe you can tell me why everyone acts like an idiot when I ask about you."

"What do you mean?" the warlock asked, trying to keep his cool.

"Yesterday, when I came back from the lower town, I met with the knights. When we were done planning the next few days, I asked if they saw you, and Leon and Gwaine both had funny faces," he explained, and Merlin rolled his eyes. "But they said it's not their place to say. So I went to see you in the middle of the day, but Gaius said you were asleep. I came again early in the evening but got the same answer."

"The latter is because I was trying to sleep and sort of avoiding Gaius," Merlin replied, being honest this time. "And you. But it's only because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

"About what?"

"I don't want to lie, I will tell you. But not in the corridor."

* * *

"You know, those things will come up, you can't lock yourself up every time they do," Arthur commented after they came to his chambers and Merlin told him about the nightmare, as well as about what Gwaine helped him realize.

"I suppose you're right. Especially if I manage to put myself in the center of everyone's attention when trying to avoid it," observed the warlock, feeling a little stupid.

"Do you still feel out of place in Camelot?" the king asked, noticing that it didn't look like Merlin got much sleep since he had the nightmare. When his friend nodded, he added. "I don't have much else to do today, I will ask Gwaine, Leon and Percival to train the young knights in my place. Let's go for a ride."

Only then it occurred to him that Merlin may also feel uneasy around him, and his gaze betrayed some uncertainty. But he didn't need to feel anxious about it, the warlock never questioned standing beside him, even if he still couldn't be sure if Arthur would change things for his kind. The king wasn't his father, and it was more and more evident each day. After he recounted his nightmare, there was no discomfort left.

And so, he didn't have to think twice after hearing the offer. The day was as alluring as the one before and getting out of the palace seemed like a perfect solution to go through it without being held captive by his own miserable thoughts. He jumped out of his chair and exclaimed that he would prepare the horses.

* * *

After a while of riding through the Darkling Woods, they found an inviting spot near a small but rapid brook.

"It wasn't random that your father was in your nightmare, was it?" Arthur asked out of the blue, when they sat on the grass, their backs against a large oak tree. He was thinking about his friend's nightmare since they left the citadel. And he wanted to say many things, but it didn't feel right to try to talk Merlin out of his guilt. Not when he had the power to take some of it away but still lacked absolute conviction to act on it. So, instead, he decided to ask about the other part that was bothering him. It scared him to even think that his father might have had something to do with why Merlin grew up without his.

"No, but it wasn't accurate either," replied the warlock, focusing his gaze on the flowing water.

"Did he die because of my father?" Arthur continued quietly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"No… Well, he might have been alive now if it wasn't for Uther, but who knows. They had a deal, your father broke it and wanted to execute him. Gaius helped him escape to Ealdor, but the king chased him there and forced him to leave my mother," Merlin explained, as calmly as he could. He knew the conversation was hard for them both, but it had to happen, sooner or later.

The king gulped, feeling like his head was about to explode. His fear turned out to be true, his father did hurt his best friend in the worst possible way, by taking one of his parents from him. And apparently, he also had no honor, one thing that Arthur thought he could cherish in the memory of him.

For a moment, Merlin wanted to say something to make it better, easier. But he decided against it. He spoke the truth, which in that case wasn't pretty. By softening it, he would only defend Uther one more time.

After long and meaningful silence, Arthur managed to calm down and collect himself. "How do you know this? And you seem to know that he's dead. You said your mother told you nothing and I know you weren't lying in moments like that, when it wasn't needed."

"I didn't know then. But later, I got to meet him. And you met him too," the warlock said sadly.

The king stared at him, his blue eyes looking as if they were about to pop out. And Merlin told him, about how Gaius broke the promise he gave to his mother when they were about to go search for the last dragonlord. And how his father broke his heart when he didn't want to help but later mended it by showing up. He also recounted their conversation, in which Merlin revealed who he is, and the one they had by the fire, which ended with Balinor calling him his son. The last part, which Arthur knew, he left unsaid.

"I really, really wanted to tell you. When you asked what's wrong in the tavern, and later when we were camping. Or when he died, and I had to pretend that I can think of anything else but crying-" Merlin admitted, tears glistening in his eyes.

"Would it be so bad? I didn't exactly talk with my father about such things. And even if, he let Gaius stay despite his past, why would he care who your father is, it doesn't mean anything," Arthur cut in.

"Gaius made me promise that I won't. Maybe if he didn't, I'd tell you. But it did mean something, the dragonlords inherit their gift from their fathers. The moment he died, I became the last dragonlord," Merlin clarified, nervously playing with blades of grass. He feared that he would have to reveal everything about Kilgharrah right now, and he didn't feel up to the task, despite wanting his friend to know eventually.

But Arthur had already figured out that the warlock quietly defeated every creature of magic they faced, so he didn't care much about that part, not suspecting that the dragon lived. With everything else, it was the last thing on his mind.

"I'm sorry," Arthur said, after another quiet moment, grasping Merlin's shoulder. "That you lost him like that. And that I probably ruined your time together. And for my father, too."

"Thanks. But you don't have to apologize for what your father did. At least I got to meet him. And actually, I met him again."

* * *

"That's a bit like when I… thought I met my mother," Arthur commented after Merlin told him about what happened in the crystal cave.

Now, it was Merlin who gulped loudly. He would probably prefer to talk about Kilgharrah, or anything but his weird, desperate lie. But the time for evading the truth was over, he told himself many days ago that whatever would come up, he was going to explain it honestly.

"I… I have to tell you something," he stuttered. "When we came back, and you were going to kill your father, I lied to you."

He continued the story, but only bits of what he said made it through to Arthur's mind. _Born of magic… Uther didn't know your mother would die… It would destroy you to kill him… Morgause would win… I'm sorry_. And he was sorry too, this time for himself because he felt like everything he knew about his life was a lie. He got angry at Merlin because he let him live the charade. But it was nothing compared to the fury he felt at the person who was pulling strings, who orchestrated the prosecution of those with magic to ease his grief. And how many more people lost their parents, their wives and husbands because of that?

How could he lie in his face about it? He really knew nothing about honor. Who could tell, maybe whoever told Merlin he wasn't aware it would kill his wife was also deceived by him.

He got up with a short, rather cold "going for a walk." The warlock just nodded, understanding that Arthur needed space and time to process what happened. He just hoped his friend wouldn't stumble upon anyone or anything that could be used as a punching bag.

* * *

"Alright, don't look at me as if you're wondering if I'm about to kill you," said Arthur in a much softer tone. The walk did help him to sort out some of his feelings and thoughts. "I was upset, but a little at you, mostly at him. You were right to do it, I would probably end up killing myself after killing him."

Merlin only nodded, once again, but he seemed relieved.

"Just help me understand one thing," the king started, settling back next to his friend.

"Hm?"

"You made me hate magic to save my father who was the very source of your problems?" Arthur asked, and Merlin shot him a look that seemed to say _I guess so_. "You really are something, Merlin."

"Believe me, when your father came to our chambers later to thank me for being a trusted ally in the fight against magic, I wanted to bang my head on the wall," admitted the warlock. "But had you killed him, it could have turned you into him. I didn't want that."

Arthur looked down at his boots, stained from soil and grass. "Wouldn't it be better for you? I mean, if Morgause ruled Camelot."

"Because it was so great when she and Morgana took the throne? Magic is not the only thing that matters, she killed several guards without any reason just before we met her. But it wasn't only that, I also didn't want you to go through with it because you were my friend," Merlin explained, throwing a rock into the water.

Arthur smiled slightly at him, which didn't seem very likely just an hour ago. After a while, he asked, "Are you sure he didn't know?"

"I can't be, but Gaius says so," Merlin replied, only to realize it might not have been the best idea to pull the physician into this. "Don't be angry at him, he swore to your father. Anyway, when you try to save or create a life in this way, the terms aren't clear. Maybe he should have figured it out, but I doubt he knew for sure."

"How do you know?"

"Because I met the sorceress he dealt with. You did too, actually. But I was tricked by her the same way Uther was, assuming Gaius knows the truth" Merlin continued patiently.

And so they talked about Nimueh. Finally, Arthur understood what she meant all those years ago, in the cave under the Forest of Balor. Merlin also told him about how he tried to save someone and give his life, but instead, the deal almost killed his mother. The warlock didn't provide the details, but Arthur had a better memory than people gave him credit for. He remembered the time when he miraculously recovered from a bite of a questing beast. And that Merlin kept disappearing. Even when he was there, he was saying weird things. And when he asked Guinevere why she was covering for him, she said his mother was here and that she was sick.

"So, how come all three of us are alive? Me, you, and your mother?" the king asked, and Merlin looked at him, astonished. "When I have some facts, I can piece them together, you know. And I'm grateful, really, but please don't do that ever again."

"When my mother came to Camelot, I was furious. I told Gaius I'm going back to force Nimueh to take my life. He took off before me to take my place. He was almost dead when I arrived, and I got so angry, I somehow found magic strong enough to kill her," the warlock explained.

Arthur's mind had already exploded many times in the last few hours. And now it did again. People so close to him could have died because of him, and not the way it happens in the battle. There, everyone could always count on their luck, you don't start being entirely sure you'd die. But those two knew there was no other outcome. And Merlin was prepared to do it for him like Gaius was ready to do it for Merlin.

But it wasn't only because of him, was it? He really did remember it all. He knew very well that Gaius lied it all out to his father, explained what kind of creature it is, how it can or can't be defeated, and what happens when someone is beaten. But the former king was so full of himself, so convinced that he conquered magic, so deceived by his own hatred, that he sent his own son to his death.

* * *

Merlin woke up feeling incredible. Around two hours earlier, he asked Arthur if he thought it was time to get back to Camelot, but the king replied that now it was him who didn't want to be in the palace. Since they weren't talking anymore, the warlock lied down on the grass. The conversation, along with spending the time in nature, helped him relieve the tension, and he quickly felt much-needed sleepiness overcoming him.

Even though the nap was short, he didn't feel so rested in weeks. He dreamed of the most beautiful place he's ever seen, made out of different shades and forms of light. It also felt as if the substance it was built with consisted of pure feelings, all things honest, kind, and loving. Even better, it seemed as if all those emotions, and all good magic, sprung from there and spread to the world. At the same time, every pure thought and feeling he had was fueling the place, but its energy was so strong, he couldn't imagine darkness that could corrupt it. It felt like coming home, to his own heart, but also to the heart of all hearts.

Instinctively, he came to the middle of the circle, where there was a thick column of light, so bright he was surprised it didn't blind him. He took out a ball of light out of himself, feeling that he wasn't losing anything, that whatever he would leave here could only multiply inside him. Then, he threw it toward the column. And just like that, he knew his quest was finished.

As soon as he opened his eyes, he felt the need to tell Arthur, but the king was no longer next to him, under the oak tree. He got up and spotted his friend sitting on a small rock on his right, much closer to the brook.

"Arthur! I have to tell… Whoa! What's happening here?" the warlock run to him, fully intending to start the conversation by shouting out the good news. However, he got distracted, seeing that the king was busy furiously throwing stones into the brook, his expression matching the anger of his movements.

"Letting. Out. Frustration," Arthur replied through gritted teeth. Then he shook his head in an attempt to bring himself to the state which allowed carrying a civil conversation, and added, "I hope I didn't wake you, I tried to sit far enough."

"You didn't wake me. And I noticed what you are doing, I wanted to know why," clarified Merlin. He then sank down next to him and started washing his face with the icy cold water.

"It's not hard to figure out," replied Arthur. After a moment of silence, he added, "Sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that."

"It's alright," assured Merlin. He wasn't bothered at all, it would be hard for the king to do something that would get to him at the moment.

"You know, I've always defended my father, in front of others… and myself, too. But now I just see a hateful bully, like everyone else. I see Morgana without magic," Arthur explained, throwing a few more stones.

"I'm not the best person to defend him, but he did love you and Morgana. And he gave his life for you," reminded the warlock. He figured that doing Uther another small favor couldn't hurt anyone now.

"I know, and I'm grateful. But loving two people doesn't make treating everyone else like dirt alright. Or to kill hundreds of people because someone similar to them hurt you," argued Arthur.

"No, it doesn't. I'm not sure what to tell you, maybe there was more to him, but I didn't know him that well," admitted Merlin.

"That's the thing, no one did. He only ever managed to say something honest after I almost died," at that point, Arthur realized that it was a bit unfortunate to tell that to Merlin of all people. After all, the king himself wasn't that different to his friend up until recently.

"I suppose in the end, you will have to come to terms with everything he did by yourself. You could try talking to Gaius though, he knew your father before your mother died. And for reasons that have always puzzled me, he seemed to like Uther," the warlock suggested.

"I think I'll never figure you out, Merlin. Even now, you are still nice to him," Arthur laughed sadly. "But that's not a bad idea, thanks."

"What good would it do to hate him now," Merlin observed. "Also, I'm in a great mood."

"How so? It didn't look like it a few hours ago," Arthur said, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

The warlock grinned so widely, it seemed as if his smile would fall out of his face any second.

"When I was napping, I had a dream that told me something. I finished the quest."

The king beamed at the news. Alright, his family might have been a mess, and he did feel a little lost and confused, with so many of his convictions getting shattered lately. Still, if he had a friend who cared so much and believed in him enough to go through it all, the universe was good to him. And now, with all those closest to him finally alright, everything else could be sorted out.

"Great! That really is the one thing that could make this day better... Thank you for doing it," he said, looking him in the eyes. It was not the first time he expressed his gratitude for agreeing to do the quest. Still, he felt the need to do it again, after both of them actually got to know what it meant. All the hellish nightmares, days of sickness, having to deal with just about every dark thing hidden in the warlock's mind. And even though Arthur didn't and wouldn't ask, he was aware that despite all the suffering, Merlin would do it all over again.

"I told you, it was a small price. In fact, it probably did me good to face it all. And thank you for being there," the warlock replied, still grinning.

* * *

About half an hour later, when they were on their way back to Camelot, the king smirked to himself.

"I guess that means you can come back to work tomorrow," he said.

"Finally," muttered Merlin. He could hardly believe it, but after weeks of rest, he was almost looking forward to polishing Arthur's armor and cleaning his boots.

It seemed like things were going back to normal, at last. But of course, after everything that happened, that could never be. Little that the warlock knew, for once it was the king who was plotting.

* * *

"How was the ride? Is Merlin alright?" asked Guinevere, as she hugged her husband after he came back from the woods.

"Yes, he's great, he's done with the quest," quickly replied Arthur, and Gwen let out a sigh of relief.

"You look like there's more to the story," she remarked, watching as he poured himself a goblet of wine and gazed outside the window.

"There's, but I'll tell you later. First, I wanted to say that I made my decision. I'm going to do it," he announced. "Are you alright with it?"

She nodded and smiled at him. He didn't need to tell her what he meant. They spent long hours discussing _it_ in the last few weeks. And she wholeheartedly agreed that it was time to at least put things into motion.

* * *

 _A huge thank you to all those who continue to read the story, and especially to those who decided to review. Also, to all those who let me know you are here by following or favoriting it :)_

 _Moniurek, yeah, those things tend to be rushed in in TV shows and I've always thought it's a shame. Plus, they both need and deserve it, every time they got it in the series, something had to come up to ruin it :)_

 _Gingeraffealene, thanks, I thought the title reflects their situation. They will have their hands full again soon, so I wanted to give them some time to enjoy themselves :)_

 _Vanvdreamer, for me, in the series, this sense of friendship was usually kind of implicated, but there was little time to appreciate it, so I thought I'd focus a little more on it._

 _Gaylelbf, thank you, I'm glad you liked it._

 _Alright, now that they dealt with the aftermath of Camlann (to some extent), the exciting future awaits. The next chapter will be up very soon because I can't wait for them to get there :)_


	9. The Happiest Days, At Least For Some

"Good morning, sire!" exclaimed Merlin joyfully, impetuously opening the curtains.

The king shot him an amused look. Usually, when his servant addressed him officially, it was either to inconspicuously mock him or because something was not right between them. Today seemed different though. Apparently, Merlin was so thrilled that he could come back to work, he genuinely meant to do everything properly.

"Hello, Merlin," he replied, throwing off the covers. Then, he stretched his arms and yawned.

"Your breakfast is served, sire," announced Merlin, gesturing at the meal that definitely didn't look like what the king was used to, at least not from this particular servant.

"Thank you," said Arthur, without looking at the table. When his gaze finally moved there, his eyes grew wide. "Wow, I don't remember you ever preparing a breakfast like this, impressive. And all this when I don't want you to be my servant anymore…"

He knew it was a little cruel to start like that. But surely, even Merlin will say that it was worth it after he gets to see the whole picture.

For now, though, the warlock's face fell, and he just stared at him, confused.

"Relax, I'm not sacking you. Really, it should be obvious what I'm about to say," the king assured him, preparing the ground for breaking the news.

"Maybe you should just say it already," Merlin suggested quietly, beginning to feel exasperated.

"Alright, sit down then," Arthur pointed to the chair opposite to the one he sat on a few minutes earlier. When his friend obeyed, he finally said, "I want you to be my advisor."

The warlock gaped at him. "Are… are you serious?"

"Merlin, of course I'm serious. did you honestly think that knowing all that I know now, I'd let you keep polishing my armor?" the king asked, and Merlin nodded. "I remember you saying that your destiny is to serve, but we are all here to serve, in one way or another. I see it as freeing you from distractions so you can focus on what you are really doing in Camelot."

"Um… Ok-kay, thank you," the warlock stuttered, still not sure what had just happened. He felt grateful that the king told him to sit. "What will I do?"

"What you are doing now, only without the chores. Of course, you will sit at the Round Table, and from now on, I will actually listen when you suggest something," explained Arthur, and they both chuckled at the last part.

Like many times in the last few weeks, Merlin was speechless. Not that it didn't feel good to be appreciated, but at the same time, it was incredibly awkward. No more chores done for the king? Never again hearing how bad he did at them? Or that he's _the worst servant in the Five Kingdoms_? And more importantly, no more wondering how to make Arthur take his worries and ideas seriously? This was the end of the world as he knew it, possibly as they both knew it.

And he didn't even realize how on point he was with that last thought.

"Also, there is one big issue that we have to take care of together," the king added, realizing that Merlin wasn't about to comment on his updated list of duties.

"What? Don't tell me that something bad happened and you all hid it from me because of my quest," muttered the warlock.

"Always the pessimist, Merlin. It's not that, everything is fine," the king clarified. However, he did want to delay what he was going to say for just a little longer. He took a few bites of bread and cheese.

"It really wouldn't hurt if you got to the point quicker today," Merlin glared at him, slightly annoyed. "And consider it official advice, sire."

Arthur couldn't help but laugh. He was sure that he would get sick of such jokes in the coming weeks, but not yet.

"Fine," he took a deep breath. "I'm going to lift the ban on magic. Or, we are. And we have to plan."

Merlin opened and closed his mouth a few times. Now he was definitely glad that he was sitting. Did Arthur really say what he heard? Was this finally happening or was he just imagining it, or perhaps dreaming? He pinched his forearm under the table, and surprisingly, it did hurt. So, maybe it was all real.

As he shook off the initial shock, he was flooded with emotions. First, there was joy, a lot of it. In fact, it almost seemed like more than he could handle. Then, relief. Maybe a part of it was because he wouldn't have to hide anymore. But mostly, he felt relieved that all those who gave their lives for this day to come didn't do so in vain. And he was grateful, so grateful. To them, to Gaius and Kilgharrah for guiding him, to Arthur for having it in his heart to look past his father's bias.

Before he knew it, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks anymore. "Sorry," he mumbled, knowing his friend's attitude toward crying.

Since he made up his mind the previous evening, Arthur spent a lot of time thinking about this conversation. Of course, he did expect Merlin to have a strong reaction. Still, it's hard to imagine the depth of emotions without actually experiencing, or at least witnessing them. And now, as he watched his friend's face show so many different things at once and saw his tears, he couldn't help feeling a little somber. He knew those were probably happy tears, but only a fool wouldn't realize how much pain preceded them throughout the years.

"I hardly think you are the one who should be sorry, Merlin. You are not responsible for this mess that my father started, and I continued," he replied.

"I don't think anyone should be sorry today, it's time to be happy," the warlock corrected them both, wiping his face. "Actually, I'm giving you a fair warning that I will now stand up and try to hug you."

"Alright, just make it quick," laughed Arthur. "Because later, you have to go tell Gaius."

For a while, he considered telling them both together. Also, he thought about having Gwen with him to do it. But in the end, it was the queen who suggested that it should be between the two of them and snuck out of the chamber before Merlin came.

Again, she was right. And she knew it because the former servant didn't fully close the door when he came in. As she was passing by, she couldn't help but peep through the hole. And she grinned widely, seeing her husband and her friend awkwardly, and very briefly, wrapping their arms around each other.

* * *

"Gaius! Gaius! I have to tell you something!" exclaimed Merlin, bursting through the door to their chambers.

"Missing work already?" asked the physician, not lifting his gaze from the book.

"I got sacked… Or promoted… Nevermind… Not important…" the warlock gibbered, trying to catch his breath. He was running the whole way from the king's chamber.

"What happened to you?" Gaius finally started paying attention.

"I'll tell you, but I don't know how," said Merlin. He calmed down a bit, but he could barely stand still, and he kept smiling stupidly. At least that was how the older man saw it. He decided to wait until the warlock was ready to speak coherently, instead of commenting.

"I suppose I'll just have to say it as it is. Though for all the times you said _one day, Merlin_ , I wish I prepared something special," rumbled the younger man, stepping a little closer. "Arthur is going to lift the ban on magic!"

Gaius dropped his reading glass and got up. In the last few weeks, he was in a better headspace than Merlin, thus having more time to think about changes that might follow. But he didn't want to get his hopes up. He couldn't be sure if the king will decide to go all the way, or just quietly accept Merlin and keep delaying lifting the ban.

Now though, there was no denying it. If Arthur told Merlin, the physician was sure he wasn't going to change his mind. And it almost made him tear up too. Few people were unlucky enough to witness the terror of the Great Purge from such close proximity. Yes, it was his choice to stay, but there hardly were any better alternatives, that way he could at least save a few of those close to him. But he lost many friends, he lost his love. And for many years, he had to watch someone who was like a son to him being mistreated and forced to lie to his friends.

So, even though he could live without being permitted to use magic, he was just as overjoyed as Merlin.

"See, I told you so," Gaius joked, embracing his boy.

"Way to ruin the moment," Merlin grinned at him when they pulled away.

"Now, what with that job of yours?"

* * *

There were only the seven of them again, though the circumstances were quite different. The king called a meeting to talk about his plans to lift the ban to his closest knights. He was going to announce it at the Round Table the following day anyway, but he thought it would be good to know where Leon, Gwaine, and Percival stand.

"You look nervous," observed his new advisor, as they were settling around the table in the king's chamber.

"Not today. Maybe you are, and you see me through it," said Arthur, smirking. "I'll be nervous tomorrow. But not because I have doubts, it's just that I know it might get a little messy."

The door opened and Percival and Leon, who were the only ones missing, walked in. When they took their seats, Arthur cleared his throat and started speaking.

"Hello everyone. I asked you to come because I have something important to announce. Before I get to it, I suppose I should mention one more change," he continued, glancing at the warlock. „I think you will all agree that after all those years, especially in light of recent events and revelations, Merlin here deserves a new position. So, meet my new advisor."

"About time," laughed Gwaine, getting up to congratulate his friend. Even before he knew about Merlin's magic, he thought him being a servant was a little unfair, considering everything he did for Arthur and Camelot.

The two other knights were also visibly happy, and soon followed Gwaine's example, approaching Merlin and patting him on the back.

"For the sake of us all, I hope you two finally learn to agree sometimes," joked Gwen, watching everyone congratulating Merlin.

"Now, to the other thing," the king started again when everyone was back sitting. "In the last few years, even after my father died, we were all fighting his war, not ours. I deceived myself into thinking it's my duty to continue his work. But with all due respect to him, I now realize that his prosecution of those with magic was both unfair and ill-founded," by that time, all three knights realized where it was going. Gwaine and Percival barely looked surprised. Leon, however, seemed to have a hard time processing the news. "And, ironically, if it were not for magic, the consequences of his actions would have killed each one of us. As both king and knight, I think ignoring it wouldn't be noble at all. So, I'm going to lift the ban on magic. And I would like to know your opinion before I break it to the Round Table tomorrow."

Arthur was right, it was indeed Merlin who was nervous. At the moment, he was fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt under the table. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait long for the first reaction, as there was someone there who could never keep quiet for long.

"I support it fully," declared Gwaine. "Not that I know what I'm talking about, I know little about magic. But with all that went down, I have to assume that sorcerers are the same as warriors, there are good and evil ones. And it's just wrong that those like Merlin have to hide from everyone, even their friends."

The warlock smiled warmly at his closest friend among the knights. He wondered if things would turn out any different had Gwaine found out earlier, like Lancelot. It would undoubtedly be less lonely. Soon, his thoughts were interrupted by the next person speaking.

"I agree," Percival seconded Gwaine. "To be honest, this law only started making sense to me after I met Morgana. But even if I wanted to, I can't forget that I saw several good people lose their lives over this law when I was a child. And now that we know about Merlin, I have no doubts that changing it is the right thing to do."

Later, Gwen and Gaius also expressed their support, though of course, Arthur and Merlin both knew where they stood already. Now, all the eyes were on the person that both the king and his new advisor considered the least likely to embrace the news. As it turned out, they were neither right nor wrong.

"You know I'm always with you, no matter if I agree or not. And this time, I'm really not sure what I think. I'm grateful for everything Merlin did, more than I can say. And I also witnessed others using magic for good. But to allow everyone… I want to say it's fair, and I remember your father, and mine too. Then I want to say it's too risky, and I think about Merlin and the druids. I suppose I need time to come to terms with it. But I won't speak against it at the Round Table, I don't want to cause more problems," ranted Leon.

Arthur and Gaius exchanged looks. They both understood well what Leon was going through. As someone who grew up in a noble family and spent years serving under Uther, he only ever heard that magic should be vanquished and despised. Even though he spent a lot of time with Merlin and they bonded more over the last few weeks, which could be said for everyone in the room, they still weren't as close as the warlock and Arthur or Gwaine. Among other things, it meant that there were many stories he didn't get to hear, which made it harder for him to fully grasp where the king was coming from practically renouncing his father's legacy.

"Leon, to be clear, my goal wasn't to stop you from speaking your mind tomorrow," Arthur assured him. Then, he looked around the table. "Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. And of course, we realize it's risky, which is why we want to do it properly. Can you explain, Merlin?"

The warlock was taken by surprise. Not only the king acknowledged they were planning together, but he also asked him to describe their ideas to others. Things were indeed changing fast.

"Of course, sire," he finally said, straightening his back. "We were thinking about ways to include everyone's rights, but at the same time, we tried to figure out how to predict abuses, to know how to prevent and punish them. And we realized that even with Gaius, who remembers how things were before the Great Purge, we can't do it on our own. So we plan to invite several trusted people with magic and create a council."

"They aren't always the easiest to find, so the inviting part may be tricky. We will start as soon as possible. Sometimes, we will go alone with Merlin, but other times we may need you with us. We will keep you informed," added the king. Leon opened his mouth to say that it might not be wise for them to go alone, but he quickly realized that under the circumstances, he was probably wrong.

"And there's something else. Please try to stop yourself from protesting, Merlin," Arthur warned. "I can't be sure how the knights will react tomorrow, or if they will be able to keep it for themselves for a while. I expect some people to see it as betraying my father. And after what happened lately with Mordred, I'm not ready to trust everyone around the table like I trust you. So, please keep your eyes open for anything suspicious, especially around Merlin and Gaius. And yes, Merlin, I know you can take care of yourself, but I'm not telling them to watch you day and night, it can't hurt to be careful."

* * *

As expected, sharing the news at the Round Table didn't go as smoothly. In the midst of the discussion, Merlin took a closer look at each of the knights. Just about half of them looked as if someone slapped them on the face. It didn't necessarily mean that they were against. They just couldn't wrap their heads around the idea of the servant, who they knew quite well, being a sorcerer and the king not only being okay with it but planning to lift the ban on magic.

There were also a few who quickly welcomed the idea. Maybe they knew people with magic, or perhaps they just had their own views on it. But then, there were also some who were fiercely against. And yes, at some point, it did get intense…

"Sire, excuse me, but magic is still banned, according to the law, he should be executed. Instead, a servant gets a place at the Round Table!" exclaimed Sir Ulfius.

Merlin wasn't that bothered. He might have gotten a break from insults lately, but he didn't forget how to handle them. Besides, he didn't expect everyone to accept the news instantly.

But, between Arthur and Gwaine, one could take bets who will explode first. Even in the old times, which ended around two months ago, Arthur would sometimes get protective of Merlin, and someone speaking of him like that would probably make him react. Lately, though, the more he knew, the more protective he became, even if what he learned so far suggested that Merlin didn't need much looking after. Maybe it was gratitude or his respect for how much his ex-servant took on with little recognition. Or maybe, their friendship simply matured recently. Anyhow, at the moment he was fighting his urge to take out a sword, or at least say something that the king really shouldn't have.

Gwaine's thought process was more straightforward. He would gladly punch the guy for saying something like that about anyone, let alone his friend. And he cursed the fact that he did enjoy being a knight, trying hard to restrain himself from reacting in a way that would make him lose that privilege.

"Sir Ulfius, with all due respect, maybe you should consider the fact that if it weren't for Merlin, the only executions would be those ruled by Lady Morgana, and Camelot would be ridden by dark magic," it was Leon who spoke up before the king or Gwaine could collect themselves. "How can you not find it in yourself to appreciate the person who saved your king from certain death? Who repeatedly helped you, risking his head, without as much as a _thank you_? You don't have to welcome magic, but at least show some respect, like any noble person would."

 _Now_ Merlin was moved. It also seemed to get through to a few knights, Leon was the most respected among them. But alas, not to Ulfius:

"Sir Leon, for what I know, those stories could as well be lies, he could be working against us. Should we bend our existing law and create a new one based on his word?"

"Careful, Sir Ulfius. It wasn't Merlin who told you any stories, it was me," Arthur said coldly, trying his best to remain calm. "You are accusing your king of lying. Believe me, I can see the difference between someone saving my life and trying to kill me. Please keep unfounded accusations against those sitting at the Round Table to yourself. I know what Merlin did for me and for us all. Those who were closest to us during battles know too. I can vouch for him with my head."

The king's words alone had a huge impact on those who were undecided about where they stand in all this. But what happened next was even more significant. Soon, there was a sound of several chairs being pulled out at the same time. Gwaine was the first one to stand up, rather vigorously.

"I can gladly vouch with mine, too," he declared.

"Likewise," Percival and Leon said in unison. They were soon followed by the queen and Gaius, who were also at the Round Table. Surprisingly, even a few other knights who knew Merlin well joined the group. Perhaps they were perceptive enough to figure out when he saved them, or just remembered him as a kind, loyal servant who certainly wouldn't hurt Camelot.

"It seems like your road to executing the law would be bloody this time, Sir Ulfius," mumbled Gwaine.

"Forgive me, sire, my lady. I did not mean to offend you or any of the knights. I merely shared my concern for setting the precedence, in the memory of your father, Sire…"

Oh, yes. It went on long enough without anyone mentioning Arthur's father.

"Sir Ulfius. It is not only me, the queen or the knights who you offended. And I'd like to remind you that you pledged your allegiance to me the day after my father died, you are now bound to follow my rules. Also, if I were ruling like my father, you would not have the chance to speak up here," the king wasn't going to let this go too quickly.

"Sire, I'm sorry, but I have been a knight for years, I know the order. I don't need to apologize to a servant," argued Ulfius and the king realized that in a way, it was the ghost of his father coming back to haunt him again. And he wasn't about to let him stay or to dictate any rules anymore. But he did have to find a way to end this without losing it altogether.

"That's enough, Sir Ulfius," he finally said in an icy voice. "As I explained earlier, Merlin is not my servant anymore, he is my advisor. And even if he were, I would expect different behavior from my knights. Not to mention you are wasting our time here, the meeting was called to discuss your ideas for lifting the ban, not to question my hiring decisions. Please leave the table."

"No, sire, it's not necessary-" Merlin started quietly, feeling uneasy about dividing the knights, but Arthur shushed him.

"Told y'all that nobility doesn't come with birth," muttered Gwaine, before remembering what kind of people he was with. "For some, I mean."

* * *

 _Thank you to all of you who keep reading, and especially to those who take time to review :)_

 _Mersan123, yes, even though Arthur changed a few things when he became king, he still failed to see the full extent of Uther's faults. In fact, he probably failed to see the most important thing, and now the situation forces him to. Not easy, but needed :) As for Merlin, as you see above, there was also a surprise waiting for him at the end. Thank you!_

 _Gingeraffealene, it's hard, but it's always better to know the truth, at least that's where I stand :) He spent the whole show being clueless about so many things, I think he's now truly becoming his own man, and king. Before, it was fairly easy to manipulate him, as shown by Agravaine. Now that Merlin doesn't keep him in the dark anymore and some illusions get shattered, he becomes better at noticing things on his own too._

 _The next chapter will kick off the new series adventures :)_


	10. Through the Past, to the Future I

Less than a week after their afternoon spent by the brook, Merlin and Arthur found themselves riding through the Darkling Woods, again. Only this time, they embarked on a very different kind of mission. And if they thought the peace of mind they were after a few days earlier was elusive, they didn't have words to describe how hard it could be to find Anhora, who they planned to invite for the new council.

Not that it bothered them too much. Especially Arthur, who was currently busy laughing so hard, he felt his stomach ache and had to lean forward a little, putting one hand on it.

"Very funny," scoffed the warlock, far less amused by the situation. "Once a clotpole, always a clotpole."

"Oh… it… is… very… funny," Arthur insisted, between fits of laughter. "Just imagine, you spend the last two months thinking about how your friend is this great sorcerer. Three hours into the first serious trip, and he almost falls off his horse at the sight of a boar."

"It just surprised me, you prat," Merlin retorted. On the inside, he could admit it was kind of silly, but he wasn't going to let the king win that easily.

"Aaaargh!" Arthur yelled as a thick branch fell from the tree, missing him just by a few inches.

"See, like that startled you," Merlin teased, visibly content with his little trick, even if it required him to shush Gaius' voice at the back of his head.

"Idiot. Don't. Do. That. Again," Arthur hissed, and his friend noticed his face turning slightly red.

"Alright, alright. I swear I won't do that… often," Merlin assured, still rather pleased with himself. After a while, his expression turned more serious and he added, "As much as I'm enjoying this, are you sure you should be here?"

"Why? You can attack me, but you don't think either of us can deal with a couple of bandits?" the king smirked, raising his eyebrows.

His new advisor sighed. "No, it's not that, obviously. I was just thinking that it looks like those things will take time, don't you have stuff to do in the palace?"

They left the citadel at dawn, and they were already riding for a few hours. Of course, Merlin knew it had little significance, if Anhora wanted to be found, he would appear in front of them in the next five minutes. But they could as well be searching for him for weeks with no effect, or he could suddenly turn up somewhere around the castle. Still, they felt they should make an effort, it worked the last time they tried. They even had Gaius give them a moderately interesting lecture about what kind of places unicorns tend to be seen around. Not that it helped; even if they knew the area well, it was challenging to remember all the particularly wild, humid spots with lush flora, including several specific types of flowers and trees.

"I have stuff to do _here_. What my father did is one thing, but I hurt, threatened and disrespected some of those people on my own. And they live in fear now because of _my_ court, just like they were scared of my father's. It hardly feels right to send someone with the message that I changed my mind and invite them for afternoon tea," explained Arthur solemnly.

The warlock nodded understandingly. "Of course, it's the right thing to do. I simply didn't want you to feel burdened by it before it began," he admitted.

"Merlin, don't be… you know who. It's not a burden, but something I want and need to do. I barely know anything about magic, and I feel like I have to understand as much as possible, not only to lift the ban but to become the king I want to be," the king declared, turning his head to the right to look his advisor in the eye.

However, Merlin's gaze was distant. "Hello, are you still there?" Arthur waved his hand in front of his friend, though he was a little too far for it to work. Thankfully it wasn't necessary.

"I heard you. I was just thinking that you're probably not a cabbage head after all. But I'm not admitting it more than once."

* * *

After two more hours of their awkward search, they were nearly on the border between the woods and one of the outline villages.

"Now I'm starting to feel like an idiot," Merlin scolded himself. "Surely there are better ways to do this, I should have looked them up before we left."

"Are you sure they would make any difference with Anhora? Even I realize he most likely knows we are here," Arthur argued. "At least, he always did before."

"Right," the warlock sighed, impatiently gazing around. "Look, we have company."

He pointed his finger at several cloaked figures moving between the trees, about 15 yards from them. They were unlikely to aid Arthur and Merlin in searching for the keeper of the unicorns, but both the king and his advisor figured it wouldn't hurt to check what they were up to.

As the duo was closing in on the group, it became obvious that it consisted of villagers, who were apparently busy looking for something. Or someone, as most of them were carrying weapons, mainly forks, and torches, which hadn't yet been kindled.

"Sire!" they greeted the king in unison, bowing their heads. Unlike his father, Arthur tried his best to visit outline villages regularly, which is why most of them could easily recognize him.

"What are you doing here?" the king asked after both he and Merlin hopped off their horses and reciprocated the greetings.

They didn't like the answer, to say the least. The villagers told them that they were searching for a witch, one who everyone around feared, though she rarely showed her face. They weren't the first to seek her hut, but those who tried before didn't come back. And that was when the story got very ugly.

"We wouldn't go after her, sire. But this morning, she showed up in our village and kidnapped a girl," recounted a dark-haired, pale man, leaning on his fork.

Arthur was stuck between being concerned and perplexed, as their account made little sense. "Did she say why?"

"Well… The girl's parents were sorcerers too. A few of us caught them practicing magic, nothing harmful, but we couldn't be sure, sire. It was safer to kill them," the same man explained.

Merlin winced at his words. Arthur did too, internally, but he lightly grasped Merlin's forearm and mouthed to wait until they have all the information.

"And how did the child end up with the sorceress?"

"The witch just came for her and told us that one day the girl will be back and take her revenge, sire. We were too scared to stop her, sire," a young, tall man with blond-hair explained, looking down at his feet.

"Why go after her now, then?" Arthur inquired, beginning to feel a little impatient.

The villagers looked at each other. Finally, the only woman among them took off her hood, revealing tangled chestnut curls. Unlike others, she gazed straight into the king's eyes.

"We discussed it and decided we are responsible for the girl," she finally responded, in a squeaky voice.

Eventually, the king extracted all the information about how they intended to find the witch, what they knew about her location, and what they planned to do if they found her hut.

"Alright, thank you," he started, though his tone was a little too cold for expressing gratitude. "Now, please go back to your village, all of you. We will take care of the girl."

The villagers nodded eagerly, relief washing over their faces. However, after Arthur spoke again, it was quickly replaced with anxiety.

"One more thing. Please inform everyone in the village that it is forbidden to execute people for sorcery without an official trial in the palace. It will be treated like any other murder, and we will be sending patrols to make sure there are no abuses," the king instructed.

His words should be nothing new, he'd never condoned the villagers, or anyone, trying to serve justice on their own, often without having enough proof. But he was aware that his people disobeyed him in this regard, perhaps because they were so scared of magic, they worried that waiting for an official sentence would put them in danger. Looking at their faces now though, he believed they finally understood he was serious.

Soon, the group of villagers said their goodbyes and resumed waddling through uneven terrain, just in the opposite direction.

"Sorry," Merlin mumbled before they disappeared from his and the king's sight.

"What f-" the answer became obvious before Arthur got to finish. One of the villagers dropped his fork, which not only (very mildly) hurt his leg but also caught on the trousers of another man, taking them down. Taken by surprise, he tripped, falling straight onto two people in front of him.

The king shook his head and chuckled. "You really got to stop doing that."

"You have to admit the situation called for it," Merlin shrugged it off, grinning innocently. "Are we going after her now, alone?"

"I suppose so. It doesn't seem like she's about to hurt the girl, at least not right away. But it doesn't make sense to go back for others, I'm not sure how that would help. Not to put any pressure, but it seems like your kind of thing anyway," the king pondered, as they got back onto their horses.

The warlock nodded and whispered, half to himself, "Wow, that feels weird."

* * *

It looked like they were finally getting closer to the witch's hut. It could only be their impression, but both the king and his advisor noticed their surroundings becoming murkier, and it wasn't just because it was getting late. The trees they were passing had unusually dark leaves and weirdly-shaped trunks and branches, and black-colored birds, resembling baby ravens, were flying around them.

 _Now, that looks like something taken out of a bedtime story, I wonder if the sorceress will be wearing a pointy hat_ , Merlin thought to himself. In the next few minutes, the observation became even more accurate, as thick fog appeared out of nowhere. There was something unnatural about it, and the warlock could already sense magic in the area.

In fact, Arthur could too, though in a much more disturbing way.

"Merlin, are you feeling alright?" he asked, his voice slightly wheezy.

"Yes, why?"

"Before I tell, don't panic, it's not serious. But this fog… it's suffocating me, a little," the king admitted, and Merlin could hear his slightly labored breaths.

The warlock sighed, knowing it was the time to attempt something that would never work.

"Maybe it's one of those enchantments that don't work on people with magic. You know, it's probably better if I go alone. I feel fine, and there is only one witch in there," he suggested, already sounding defeated.

"You thought this would convince me to go back?" Arthur chortled, which made him cough a little.

"No, not really. But it was worth a try," Merlin conceded.

"Alright, it's a good thing I had too much time to practice spells lately, tell me if that helps," he added and sent a ball of bluish light in his direction.

"Yes, thanks," Arthur was impressed, instantly feeling the air becoming clearer, and his breathing almost going back to normal. Understandably, he had yet to get used to his friend using magic. But he was starting to realize how much easier their life could be if Merlin didn't need to keep his gift secret before.

* * *

"Why are you going so fast?" Merlin asked, signaling his horse to pick up the pace.

"I'm… not sure."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's as if something is pulling me."

Before Merlin could answer, they finally saw the hut emerging from the mist. It was a rather simple, wooden house, but it could still pass in a bedtime story. It looked neglected, with dirt plastered to the walls, barely revealing the marks carved in the wood. Unfortunately, they had no clue what those meant. However, Merlin could recognize the herbs hanging from the roof, and it seemed that the sorceress wasn't into healing, quite the opposite. He also wondered how often the sorceress left the house, with the path leading to it almost overgrown with weeds. With animal skins covering the windows instead of curtains, it was probably safe to assume she wasn't a huge fan of daylight. _What is this, Uther's childhood nightmare?_ the warlock wondered.

"Wait, don't go in, we need a-" he started, seeing his friend grabbing the door handle. For all his talents and good intentions though, on some occasions, he was too slow for Arthur's reflexes. And this time, there was probably more to it.

"I told you, I... can't," Arthur whispered, before disappearing behind the door.

Merlin rushed after him. As he was stepping in, he heard a high-pitched, penetrating voice, "Arthur Pendragon in my humble house. Aren't I lucky today?"

* * *

 _Thank you to all who keep reading, I'm very happy you are still here. I'm especially grateful to those who took time to leave reviews._

 _Gaylelbf, thank you, I'm glad you are enjoying it._

 _Moniurek, yes, I know such things were shown to be simple in the show, e.g., Arthur changed The First Code of Camelot when he wasn't even king yet and it never got addressed, which suggests he could just snap his fingers and the ban would be lifted. But both he and Merlin are too smart for that, they know it would just bring chaos and more people would get hurt. And Merlin will have plenty of opportunities for showing his magic and interacting with the knights. IMO the knights' characters deserve to be more developed than in the show, so that's what I'm intending to do :) Thank you for your comments!_

 _Vanvdreamer, yes, I don't envy Arthur now. Not only he has to deal with what his father did on a personal level, but also, well, purge his kingdom from the consequences of the Great Purge. And both can be difficult. But destiny calls and at least he has a good support system :) Thank you for all the reviews!_


	11. Through the Past, to the Future II

If the enchantment didn't make it difficult to breathe for everyone, the overpowering smell of incenses inside the hut, together with the smoke from burning them, could definitely finish the job. Overall, the room was rather predictable, though a little more tidy than one could expect. There were long shelves with magic books and potions, as well as several tables, filled with parchments, crystals, feathers, and a few strange objects that were harder to identify. Apart from that, it was just an ordinary room.

However, neither Merlin nor Arthur had time to take a good look at their current surroundings. They both managed to briefly glance at the sorceress, who was sitting on a large wooden chair located opposite the door. After seeing the outside, the warlock half-expected her to either really wear a pointy hat, or at least look somewhat like Morgana, with her clothes, hair, and jewelry all emphasizing the darkness inside. Surprisingly, she seemed quite regular, with dark blond hair with grey strands pulled up, underlining her bony face and big green eyes. She was wearing a plain grey dress and a fur tucker.

But they had no time to take a particularly close look at her either. At the moment, one object seemed infinitely more important than the sorceress, or even the girl, who they hadn't spotted yet. A beautiful crystal bowl, on the small table in the very middle of the room. The vessel was crocheted, and even though there were tiny holes from bottom to top, the dark blue liquid inside wasn't leaking. Instead, it was whirling, with greyish steam coming out of it and forming weird shapes.

Merlin had to admit that reflections of the fire playing on the moving vapor made it alluring. Still, he wasn't nearly as fascinated by it as his friend. Though, unfortunately, he suspected that enchanted described it more accurately. His anxiety levels rising, he watched Arthur approaching it. Despite its beauty, the bowl definitely didn't strike him as trustworthy. How he wished Gaius was there to tell him what it was or, more importantly, what it could do. Without that knowledge, choosing his next move seemed challenging.

As the king was getting closer to the mysterious object, his face grew visibly paler and more indifferent. At the same time, the steam started dividing into several tentacles. When one of them grazed Arthur's shoulder, he bent slightly and clutched his chest.

It was the right moment to act, but Merlin had yet to come up with a reasonable idea. At least, Arthur seemed to have a bit of his free will left, as he was moving very slowly. Finally, the warlock decided to buy himself more time by knocking Arthur out.

He was just about to warn him, when suddenly… the steam got sucked into the bowl, and the liquid stopped whirling. The king, surprised by the sudden freedom, lost his balance and fell backward.

"Alright, alright. Since I have a royal guest today, I suppose we can talk before we get to the main attraction," the sorceress teased, tapping her fingers on the chair.

Merlin decided to seize the opportunity. He seamlessly moved the rope, which he noticed hanging on one of the walls, closer to the sorceress and muttered _Gehaeftan_ to tie her up.

" _Now_ we can talk," the warlock corrected her, exchanging looks with Arthur, who was now sitting on the floor, to make sure his friend was alright. After all those battles and quests together, they didn't need words to communicate such things.

"A sorcerer helping a Pendragon. How low one can sink," the witch hissed, wriggling in an attempt to make herself free. She also tried several spells, but the one used on her restrained her from using magic.

" _This_ low?" Merlin asked, gesturing around. "Trying to kill anyone who steps their foot here and kidnapping kids to poison them with your hate is hardly something to aspire to. Where is the girl?"

The sorceress used her head to gesture at the space in one of the far corners of the room, which was concealed with more animal skins. "Before you panic and ruin the mood, she is fine, I gave her a sleeping draught. Her crying was annoying."

"Great," the warlock snapped. "Now, who are you and what's all this?" he pointed at the bowl. Only then it occurred to him that it would probably be more appropriate if Arthur were the one asking questions, even if he didn't seem very talkative at the moment.

"Is it not rude to ask such questions before introducing yourself?" apparently, the sorceress was thinking along the same lines.

"His name is Merlin, he's my advisor. Answer him," the king got up from the floor and finally joined the conversation.

"I am Agnes. I moved here from the lower town of Camelot many years ago, and there isn't much to tell after that," she explained, sounding bored and annoyed.

"And the bowl?"

"Oh, it's my life's work. Plainly speaking, it sucks life and soul out of those without magic or parents who have it, like they've been doing to us. I admit I might have thrown a few charms especially for Pendragons, too," this time, her voice and eyes were full of pride.

 _What a mess, this will never end. And why isn't she more upset that we are ruining her grand revenge?_ Merlin thought. Even though he could more or less predict the answer, and he wasn't sure if he wanted Arthur to hear it, he asked, "Why?"

"During the Great Purge, I was separated from my parents. They run in fear of being executed and left me with my mother's friend, who had no magic. We never reunited," the sorceress recounted, fidgeting slightly under the rope. "Years later, I met a healer, one who was using magic. He became my teacher, we got married, started working together. But we got caught. He stayed behind so I could run away."

Arthur gulped loudly. As much as he didn't like what became of Agnes, he could understand it. He remembered well how he felt when Uther was about to execute Gwen. And if his father went through with it, things could have gotten out of control.

"The king burned him. And I stayed until he was gone, I had to. But I was forced to sleep in the woods every day because none of our friends wanted to take me in," Agnes added, and her voice went from sad to hateful.

"I'm sorry," Merlin expressed. "But is all this really what your husband would have wanted? What he gave his life for? You were healers, you must have had kindness in your hearts. And now you are just like Uther, ready to kill everyone who doesn't have magic, whether they are good or bad."

To tell the truth, he was slightly less understanding than Arthur. Not that he didn't feel sympathy for her. But he was convinced a person always had a choice. And after spending months obsessing over Mordred and seeing what pushed him toward Morgana, after watching Morgana herself taking pleasure in killing innocent women and children, he was tired. Tired of people choosing exactly like Uther and pretending to be so much better than him.

"Do you honestly think I have any reason to listen to what you say? You are just a traitor, serving those who chased after and decimated your kind," Agnes snapped.

She got so furious that she started struggling harder against the rope and almost fell over with the chair. Merlin instinctively waved his hand and put her back in the upright position.

"No, Agnes, _you_ are the traitor. What you do is what got magic banned in the first place, and if everyone were like you, this cycle of hate would never be broken. But it is about to. Do you know why we are in this forest today? To consult with a sorcerer about lifting the ban of magic," the warlock answered patiently.

He could see that Arthur was bothered by her words, which was the likely reason for his silence. But Merlin wasn't, not in the slightest, not now. He got closer to the bowl, deciding that it was about time to start thinking about ways to destroy it.

Agnes was taken by surprise, and for a moment, they thought they even saw a flash of regret in her eyes. But she quickly shook it off. "Why would I believe you? Why now? He's been king for years."

Merlin waited for a moment, giving Arthur the opportunity to answer. But the king looked as if he was quietly thinking that she had a point, which saddened his friend. Maybe in a way she did, but he didn't want people rubbing it in Arthur's face every ten minutes.

"Perhaps he was too busy fighting those like you. You know, such actions could convince almost anyone that they don't want anything to do with magic," the warlock glowered at her, slowly losing patience. After all, even though Arthur wasn't there to hear it, he'd had the same conversation too many times.

Agnes was silent for a moment. Merlin used it to try a few spells on the bowl, with no effect, which made her chuckle. He poked at it a few times and even took it in his hands to inspect it.

"Whatever you are about to do, Arthur Pendragon, I don't care," the witch finally said. It didn't look like she fully meant it, she actually looked conflicted. "You are not the person to fix all that happened, you are the cause, not the solution. Now it's time for magic to rule."

Before either the king or his advisor could answer, the movement in the bowl started again. Soon, it exploded with a fresh cloud of steam. Now Merlin understood. It was one of those objects that were firmly bound to their creators, which multiplied the strength of both. Apparently, Agnes could connect with it from a place within her that couldn't be restrained by ropes. And he couldn't connect with it at all.

In a sudden flash of genius, he remembered a shielding spell he recently mastered and put enough power into it to stop Arthur from coming dangerously close to the bowl.

"So you aren't just an ordinary sorcerer," she sneered, knowing that it wasn't easy to block that kind of power.

"Like Arthur is no ordinary king. He is exactly the person who is supposed to bring magic back. And those with magic who can see anything but their anger know it," Merlin replied.

But she didn't seem to care. Or rather, she got even more enraged. She attempted to make the bowl affect the warlock too. He was caught off guard, and though the effect was mild, it weakened his shield, and things got messy. Especially for Arthur, who felt as if he was pulled in two different directions so strongly, it seemed like he would soon be torn in half. Coupled with the suffocating power of the steam, which appeared again, it started to be overwhelming.

Thankfully, Merlin quickly resisted. She would need to put more effort to really hurt him. And it was probably impossible with her still restrained. But he needed a permanent solution. He suspected that killing her would work, but he couldn't be sure, and it would be awful to go through with it just to find out it had no effect. But if spells didn't do it, if he couldn't destroy it physically, what was left?

He considered taking the girl and leaving while keeping the shield over Arthur. But he felt that Agnes kept trying to put more energy into the bowl. From time to time, its power increased, making it more difficult to maintain the shield. He trusted in his strength, but he didn't fully understand how the bowl worked, and he didn't want to underestimate the power of hate accumulated through decades.

 _Oh, but there is one more way_ , he finally realized.

"Arthur, I have an idea," he whispered, as he approached his friend. "I'm almost sure your sword can destroy it if we combine it with my magic. But I would have to take off the shield to cast the spell strong enough. Come as close as you can now, and when it comes off, try to stay yourself enough to strike one blow, alright?"

"As long as you are _almost_ sure," the king teased. "Sorry, couldn't resist. Of course, I'll do my best."

* * *

It was easier said than done. Merlin forgot to mention that the bowl grew more powerful, but it didn't take Arthur long to realize that. Between struggling to breathe, his mind getting foggy, and ears filled with occasional piercing screams, he had to first restrain himself for not jumping right into the center of the steam just to make it stop.

"You can do it, Arthur, you are more than this, find your heart!" Merlin yelled. The king only heard some of it, and it was as if it came from far away, even though Merlin was right next to him. But the important thing was that he heard it, and he could hold onto it.

"C-can you keep talking, Merlin? It's… it's easier that way," he panted, finally starting to move his sword in the right direction.

As the warlock kept shouting words of encouragement, the king slowly managed to thrust his blade into the heart of the bowl.

"Ic bebeod thisne swurd-" both Agnes and Arthur only heard the beginning of Merlin's spell. The rest was lost in the weird, loud gurgling sound that the liquid started making. Then, it exploded violently, leaving only tiny puffs of steam that soon dispersed completely.

The bowl's power was destroyed. And, as both Merlin and Arthur quickly noticed, so was Agnes. Her limp body sunk slightly under the rope, with the look of rage and shock frozen on her lifeless face.

Later, after examining the emptied bowl, Gaius would tell them that it was The Vessel of Despair, an old and powerful tool, which couldn't have been created by Agnes. According to the physician, many such objects got lost after The Great Purge and found random owners. To wake up its power, she had to give a piece of her soul and the more she gave, the stronger it grew. Apparently, she toyed with a force that she couldn't handle, and it consumed her spirit entirely.

* * *

"Are you alright?" Merlin asked, coming from behind the curtains with the sleeping girl in his arms. He noticed that Arthur didn't move at all since he last saw him, still sitting on the floor and staring at Agnes.

"Yes, we can go," the king got up, wincing slightly. Merlin made a mental note not to believe him fully and check on him later.

"We had no choice," the warlock insisted, seeing that Arthur kept glancing back even on their way out. "We didn't know it would kill her and even if she was alive, we'd have to come back for her later and bring her to the palace, who knows how many she killed."

"I know. But that only makes it all worse, doesn't it?"

* * *

 _A/N: I know the evening was, again, hard on Arthur, but in my experience, when you touch something that you ignored for too long, a lot of dark stuff comes out at once, often from unexpected places, and it's always for the best. By the way, I know that the easier way to solve this was to let Merlin do all the work (the sword and the spell). But my assumption here is that the sword is generally more powerful in Arthur's hands, since it was forged for him, and I think his connection to it was underused in the show. Also, he should be the one using it unless there's absolutely no other choice. Besides, I thought that since he would be pulled toward the bowl anyway, it was a smart idea to give him something to focus on._

 _Thank you for still reading the story. I'm very, very grateful to all of you who took time to review._

 _Gaylelbf, thank you, there's one more part coming to wrap up this adventure._

 _Guest Reviewer, I'm far too excited to give up on it. It seemed to me that at one point in the show, the characters kind of stopped developing, but all those stories that people have been writing since then are making up for it, and it's fun to give your own perspective. Thanks!_

 _Mersan123, yes, I guess a few less eventful weeks were enough, things had to take a weird turn :) Unfortunately, that one turned out bad... But now that magic can slowly start to come to the open (even if quietly, until the ban is officially lifted), they will meet plenty on both sides. Thank you!_

 _Gingeraffealene, thank you for reading and reviewing, Arthur and Merlin's friendship kind of reached a dead end in the show, and stayed there for many episodes until the reveal in the final episode, so I'm happy for them that it can grow. And I guess Agnes proved to be as creepy as the way to her hut._

 _Krishnaa, thank you, I hope your 2019 will be incredible too!_

 _Moniurek, thank you, I'm so glad you like it :)_

 _Vanvdreamer, yes, so much trouble could be avoided if Merlin's secret was out earlier. But now they can finally work together, which is handy when they are repeatedly dragged into messy situations :) Thank you!_


	12. Through the Past, to the Future III

"Merlin, what are you doing?" Arthur asked sternly, as his friend started to take off his armor. It came out a bit sharper than he intended.

After getting far enough from Agnes' hut, they found a suitable place to camp for the night. The fire was already blazing, and they set up a comfortable space for the girl to sleep. The warlock decided to get to fixing whatever damage the bowl had done.

"Getting your breathing back to normal. I don't have much experience wearing _this_ , but I imagine it doesn't make it easier," he explained, gesturing at the armor. "And don't be so weird, I'm doing it as a friend, not a servant."

Arthur nodded, not feeling up for discussion. When Merlin was done, he touched the king's chest and muttered, "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare."

Right after, he added, "You should be good now."

He then tried to get up to bring more of the stuff that they left with the horses, but he felt Arthur grabbing his arm.

"Thanks… Did you hear that often?" the king asked, before realizing his advisor probably couldn't hear his mind. "I mean, what she said about you being a traitor."

Merlin sat back down and smiled slightly. "Not really, not put like this. Others often asked me to join them, or tried to convince me that you'd never come round."

"And how come you never agreed? You said it was your destiny to serve me, was it because you trusted in it so much?" Arthur pressed. He lied down, turned to Merlin and pulled himself up on one elbow.

"Well, when I first learned about it, I thought it was a horrible joke," the warlock started, and the king laughed. As his throat was still sore, he coughed a little too. "But before I knew it, I started seeing you as a friend. And I realized what kind of person you are, someone who could really change things on this land."

Arthur sighed. "Or the worst person to do that."

"Isn't it time for you to stop obsessing over every bad thing someone says about you? For every such person, there are hundreds who admire you," Merlin suggested, stretching his legs.

"Only because my father made sure there aren't enough people with magic left. Really, sometimes I think that between him, me being passive for so long, and Morgana, there was so much hate and suffering, that it would be better if someone else than a Pendragon tried to sort it out," Arthur blurted out, staring into the fire.

"Maybe that's exactly why a Pendragon is supposed to fix it," Merlin tried, though he realized it would be hard to get it through to Arthur. "But there is more to it. Out of all the people who I've met who wanted to bring magic back, you are the only one who does it out of your good heart, and who is noble enough to make it fair for everyone. It can't be done with hatred, or as someone's revenge or quest for power. And believe me, there are enough people with magic who know that."

"That really isn't very convincing but thanks for trying," Arthur argued, smiling sadly at his friend. He pulled himself up to add more wood to the fire.

Merlin bit his lip. Of course, it was truer than the king could imagine, but it would be tricky to explain, especially if they were to get any sleep at all.

"Alright, it's time for another bedtime story. It may not have a happy ending, at least not for everyone, but I consider it pretty convincing," he said.

"I suppose I can't get out of it now," the king joked, silently remembering all the times when he fooled himself into thinking Merlin and his stories were insane.

The warlock smirked and sat up straighter. As he started, his expression turned into a more solemn one. "Remember when Gaius was abducted?"

"Yes. And that you told me that Morgana wanted to find out who was the sorcerer who was helping me."

"But that wasn't the whole story. That time, she didn't torture Gaius herself. She made a deal with a guy named Alathor, who was a high priest and katha. And Gaius told him everything. But after Alathor learned that there was hope we could one day bring the magic back, he turned against Morgana, he even attacked her to save me from revealing myself," Merlin recalled. Unfortunately, that was where the happy part ended. Crushing the soil in his hands, he wished Alathor could have lived to see how the times were changing, or even tell Arthur his story himself.

"Have you ever met him again?"

"No. But sadly, Morgana did. And he died protecting my secret so I could keep helping you. He had an accomplice, a sorceress who tried to heal me when I was wounded by the Saxons. She then helped me escape and killed herself to avoid betraying me to Morgana. So, people with magic not only believed in you changing things for them, some of them even died for it," Merlin finished his tale. Now he wasn't so sure if he chose the right one, it proved his point, but it could make one depressed for so many other reasons.

Arthur wasn't sure how it made him feel either. He felt awful about people dying to protect something that didn't happen until long after they were gone, considering that he was the one having power over it. But it was reassuring that there were more people with magic who didn't wish him the worst and who actually believed in him, even if it was only because of Merlin.

"I suppose the only thing we can do now is to make sure it wasn't for nothing. And find some way to honor them, for what it's worth," the king stated, after a few silent moments.

Merlin decided it was time to lie down too. As he was wrapping himself in a blanket, he replied, "I'm sure it will mean a great deal. For them, and for all those who couldn't even count on having a grave before."

Arthur nodded. Just before they fell asleep, he yawned and mumbled, "You know, your stories don't sound like gibberish anymore. Thanks."

* * *

"Hello, my name is Merlin, and this is King Arthur," the warlock said in a gentle voice. "We are sorry you woke up in another new place. We thought Agnes was a little nasty and we worried that she might hurt you."

It didn't work very well. The girl crawled a little further away from them and started crying. She looked about five, and she had curly blond hair and cute pink-tinted face with chubby cheeks.

"It's alright, we won't hurt you, we will take you somewhere safe," Arthur tried, but the girl just turned her head to the other side.

"N-no, you w-won't…" she stuttered, still not looking at them.

"Why do you think so?" Merlin considered the answer rather obvious, he also wouldn't trust two total strangers in a situation like hers. Still, it was worth a shot.

"N-nobody l-liked my mama and pap-pa, cause they were d-doing t-tricks. And n-nobody likes m-me," the girl finally admitted, making their hearts squeeze.

"We do like you. And we love tricks. Look, Merlin can do them too," the king gestured at his friend, who enchanted the fallen leaves. They started swirling in the air, to eventually shape into a cute little rabbit that was jumping forward to the girl and back to the two men.

"That's funny," she squeaked, as her face brightened up, if only for a moment.

Then, it looked like she started concentrating hard, with her blond brows furrowing and her lips pursed.

"I don't know if I like you or anyone at the moment," she announced after a while, her tone much more confident than before. "But you are nice, and I have to go with you anyway. I'm Bessie," she added. Then, she got up, straightened her dress, and stuck out her tiny hand.

As each of them shook it, they couldn't help but chuckle. Both were pretty sure that within the next few hours, they would be bossed around by a five-year-old.

* * *

"We can ride out again in three days," Arthur proposed.

They were already quite close to Camelot, but they stopped to refill their animal skins one last time. Bessie took the opportunity to splash the water everywhere, but mostly on Merlin.

"I do not think that will be necessary," they heard a voice from behind. The king instinctively reached for his sword, but his brain registered who the speaker was before he took it out.

"Anhora! I'm so glad to see you! Thank you for showing up. We've been looking for you since yesterday," the warlock babbled, excited about the sudden turn of events.

"I am aware, I apologize that I kept you waiting. I had a feeling that you had something else to do first. And I am very pleased to see you both well, too," the keeper of the unicorns explained. As usual, he looked at them with his unreadable expression, though it might have been a bit warmer this time. He stood straight, with hands on his cane.

Merlin and Arthur briefly glanced at each other, grinning. They both realized something about Anhora. If one really heard what he was saying, he made it feel as if everything was always in its right place.

"And hello to you," Anhora added, looking at Bessie. She smiled shyly at him and muttered a greeting under her nose.

"We are fine, thanks to you. I hope you are well too," the king joined the conversation.

"I am, thank you. And my part in your fate was very small. Anyhow, why were you seeking me?" the keeper of the unicorns asked.

The two men told him about their plan to lift the ban, as well as about the council they were forming. As they discussed, they clarified that the initial goal was to come up with new laws and guidelines to bring the magic back while maintaining order and safety in the kingdom. But, as they also said, they would probably like to continue beyond that, with those that were willing to stick around.

"I know that those with magic have little reason to trust and help Camelot. But we can't do it alone, and we want to include everyone's needs. And we would be honored to have you with us," Arthur concluded and looked at Anhora nervously, which was a rare expression for him.

"I would say that we have every reason to do it, it is the opportunity we have all dreamed of for years. As you might have noticed, I do not really fear being caught. But the ban affects us all in a bad way, the energy cannot flow freely. So, I will be pleased to join you," Anhora declared, and both Arthur and Merlin beamed at him. In fact, they could swear that even the older sorcerer cracked a slight smile.

As they continued to talk, the king's advisor started wondering how they will be able to contact the keeper of the unicorns in the future.

Somehow, Anhora sensed the problem, and said, "If you need to send me a message, go to the spot where you first saw the unicorn, and give it to the bird you will meet there."

"Great, thank you. We don't want to keep you from… whatever you have to do. But I hope we will see each other soon," Merlin expressed, still smiling.

As they went back to the horses to prepare to leave, they were stopped by Anhora's calm yet firm voice, "Wait. There is one more thing."

They both moved their gaze back to the older man, waiting for him to elaborate. He asked them to come a little closer and whispered:

"Do you have any place in mind for the girl? I can sense that there are reasons for her to grow up in a house with magic."

They were wrestling with that issue in their minds since they woke up, and they had yet to come up with a decent solution. They shook their heads.

"I know a family of sorcerers just outside Helva, who would love to take her in. They use their magic to help people in their village, and they are wonderful parents with one child at a similar age. I could take her there, if you agree," Anhora proposed.

Arthur sighed a little louder than he would have liked. That was a tough one for him. On the one hand, he felt that as king, he should take full care of the matter. It wasn't a typical course of action to save a little girl just to entrust her to someone he only met a couple of times in the middle of the forest. On the other hand, after what happened on the shores of Avalon, he trusted Anhora completely. And he suspected that if he did everything the proper way, it could make the girl unhappy, as she wouldn't be able to carry her parents' legacy. Maybe it was the time to trust back.

He looked at Merlin, who nodded almost unnoticeably.

"Alright, just tell us more about this family," the king finally said.

When talking about Bessie's future, they were whispering the whole time, trying their best not to make her even more anxious. When Arthur made his decision, they approached her and sat with her by the river. Surprisingly, Anhora managed to explain the situation in such a convincing way, the girl quickly agreed to go with him.

They got up, and Anhora grabbed her hand, promising that they would ride part of their way on unicorns.

Just before they disappeared behind the trees, Anhora turned around and looked the king in the eye.

"You know, Arthur, your father had his personal issues with magic, but there was more to his hatred. He was also terrified because he could not bare losing control, and magic, like life itself, cannot be controlled. But you are not scared to trust. And it will get you, and us all, further than you can imagine."

* * *

 _A huge thank you to all of you who keep reading, especially to those who take time to review :)_

 _Gingeraffealene, thank you, they finally have the chance to really combine their powers, and Arthur can understand how special his sword is._

 _Now to the new adventure inside Camelot, see you soon!_


	13. Melting the Ice

"Arthur, you can't be serious," the queen threw her hands in exasperation. The abrupt movement made her shawl slip from her shoulders, all the way to the floor. Merlin rushed to pick it up for her, for which she thanked him with a nervous smile.

"Of course I am. You two have always been full of ideas about what I should do, as the king. Now you run away from a little responsibility?" the king teased.

Out of the three people present in his chamber, he was the only one not looking utterly distressed. On the contrary, sprawled on the chair, he seemed relaxed and amused.

"Oh, stop messing with us. I don't want to ruin what Merlin spent so many years working for, that's all," Gwen argued, slightly pursing her lips.

"To clarify, I know you won't," the warlock, who spent the last half an hour pacing around the room, reassured her. "It's me who I have doubts about. Just a few weeks ago, I was a servant. Surely Gaius or Leon would do a better job."

"No, no. You should definitely be there, more than anyone. You and Arthur, not me," Guinevere disputed him.

They failed to notice that as soon as they countered each other, they lost the slim chance they had at changing the king's his mind.

Arthur joined his hands on the table, laughing. "You see, between the two of you, you agree with me that you are perfect for the job. Just stop doubting yourselves, it's a small thing compared to what you both dealt with in the past."

"It's a _different_ thing. Fighting magical beasts and dark sorcerers hasn't taught me much about official court business," the warlock tried one last time.

"True, but I hope that attending tens of official meetings as my servant has. Really, I have no intention of sabotaging myself, the kingdom, or one of my most important decisions as king. I know you both can do it. End of discussion," the king's tone was firm and peremptory.

"Yes, _my lord_ ," Gwen and Merlin scoffed in unison. Their mocking tones matched each other so perfectly that neither of the three could help themselves. They burst out laughing.

* * *

The day was lovely, and Arthur couldn't be more thankful for it. The task he entrusted to Merlin and Guinevere involved Queen Annis and Lord Godwyn. As it turned out, some of his knights weren't as discreet as he would like, and the word about him planning to lift the ban quickly got to other rulers. Now, some of them asked for explanations, fearing that it could disrupt order even beyond Camelot.

As a result of several unfortunate mistakes on all sides, the arrival of Annis and Godwyn overlapped with the day Arthur had to leave for a hunting trip with Odin. Usually, he wouldn't think twice about forsaking the latter. But not only Odin sought answers too, but also the meeting was supposed to cement the delicate friendship with him. It had been in plans for a long time, and Arthur was thankful that the older king finally seemed ready to fully let go of his grudge. The trip couldn't be rescheduled under any circumstances.

And so, he decided the best course of action was to have Merlin and Gwen handle the meeting with Annis and Godwyn. Since he wasn't the only one to blame for the confusion, he knew the two rulers wouldn't feel disrespected. Just in case, he had time for a short walk with the two rulers before leaving, to prepare the ground for his advisor and the queen. And at least the weather was on their side, which could help keep the moods in check.

"I apologize for this unfortunate situation," Arthur said, as they were passing the training grounds.

"It is at least as much my fault as it is yours, Arthur. And I look forward to getting to know your queen. I wish every king trusted his wife enough to give her responsibilities," Annis declared.

"The blame is on me as well. It is indeed strange that we all made such mistakes. But that is not what concerns me, I trust that you chose the right people to explain the situation," Godwyn agreed, smiling fondly at the younger king.

"But something does, does it not, Godwyn?" Arthur asked, stopping for a moment to let them observe the knights as they practiced.

"Well, I always thought Uther was too cruel in his prosecution of magic. But I do not understand where a change like this comes from. With all due respect, are you sure about this?"

As Arthur was taking time thinking about his answer, Annis interrupted, "As for me, I do see reasons to do this, but it is quite surprising so soon after what Morgana put you through."

"But would Morgana put Camelot through anything at all if there was no ban? She didn't choose to have magic, and she spent years being afraid of her own family because of what she was born with," Arthur felt as if he was explaining something blatantly obvious. He wondered how he could only realize it recently.

Queen Annis, however, was a wise and perceptive woman. She did know that he didn't see the matter that way before and while it could be that he just didn't have time to reflect on it in the heat of his prolonged battle with Morgana, she suspected that there was more.

As they started walking again, she grasped the sides of her deep blue dress and voiced her thoughts. "I have no doubt that the queen and your advisor will justify your decision, but I do not expect them to tell us what really made you change your mind. You do not have to say, of course, but something must have happened."

"I suspect a few things will become clearer when you meet my advisor, but… I might as well tell you the fuller story, you are both my trusted allies," Arthur sighed.

Of course, there was no time to tell _everything_. Hell, even he probably only managed to find out a tiny part. But he tried his best to recount the most important of the recent events and revelations, for now deciding to conveniently omit what he discovered about his father.

"I do not mean to sound offensive, but are you sure your former servant can be trusted, Arthur? It does not have to be the case here, but sorcerers have their way of tricking people," Godwyn suggested.

Before Arthur could reply, Annis couldn't help herself and cut in again. "You may not remember him, Godwyn. But he kind of drew my attention before, and I noticed that he would have followed Arthur anywhere. In fact, I almost had him killed for it."

A group of people passed them and bowed their heads to greet the three rulers, who were followed closely by a few knights.

"And from what I saw, I can guess his life here used to be filled with quite a bit of humiliation. It would have to be an insanely elaborate plot to trick the king," Annis concluded.

"It is all beside the point because I am not lifting the ban for Merlin, obviously I could simply make an exception for him. Even my father made a few, as you may or may not know. He just made me see some things in a different light, and I am doing it because I want to rule the kingdom that is fair for everyone," Arthur stated firmly. "But since you ask, Godwyn, yes, I trust many people in my court, but no one more than Merlin."

The older king looked at him, taken aback by the boldness of his words. "That seems like a weird way to talk about someone who lied to you for years, Arthur."

It was time for them to turn back toward the palace. Arthur unconsciously picked up the pace, admiring the play of shadows on the castle's walls.

"Perhaps. But you are no fools, surely you realize that almost no-one is truly honest with queens and kings, and most lies are not born of good intentions like that one was. And Merlin did more for me, and for Camelot, than you can imagine, I would not leave at all today if I were to tell you everything," Arthur said, determined to at least soften Godwyn's bias before the meeting with the queen and the warlock.

"I understand that he was risking a lot, particularly when your father was alive. But other than that, of course, his job was easier than yours or your knights', was it not? All he had to do was snap his fingers or incant a spell," Godwyn argued. It was hard to tell if he was squinting because of the fierce sun or his suspiciousness.

"I suppose we all spent years being too ignorant to notice, but magic is much more than that. Shortly after arriving in Camelot, he drank a magical poison for me, and almost died. Around a year later, his mother almost ended up dead because he tried to save my life. And we faced enemies that his magic could not kill. But he was always there, ready to jump in front of me if he had to. Not to mention that just recently, he spent weeks going through hell, as the price for keeping me alive after I was wounded at Camlann. So you can question him, Godwyn, maybe it is understandable. But I would be honorless if I did."

* * *

As soon as everyone took their place in the council chambers, Merlin could tell that the rulers were talking about him during their walk. There was just something about the way they looked at him. They seemed to be past the surprise of being invited to a meeting with a servant. Instead, they appeared to be trying to piece the face together with the information they got.

 _All this attention is starting to creep me out_ , the warlock thought, all while smiling brightly at their guests.

"I take it you are not really a fool, then?" Queen Annis joked, trying to melt some of the awkwardness.

She had yet to decide what she thought about lifting the ban, but after hearing Arthur's explanations, she couldn't help but admire his new advisor. Anyone would be lucky to have a person like him in their court.

"In some ways, I'm sure I am, my lady," Merlin replied, and the four of them, as well as a few knights and servants present in the room, shared a brief laugh.

As the conversation progressed, the queen and the warlock both thought there was a faint chance that the king wasn't a total clotpole. Perhaps, they could actually do okay. Even if Queen Annis looked intimidating, with her usual fierce expression, which spoke louder than her plain crown or a large oval ruby in her gold necklace. Or, if Lord Godwyn scared them not only because of his stoic, unreadable face but also with the sheer fact that he used to be Uther's friend. Assuming that an oxymoron like that could even be true.

Despite all that, they actually seemed friendly too, and not hostile at all toward the idea. They listened with genuine interest as Guinevere explained the rationale behind the decision, and as Merlin lied out their plans for the council.

"It all seems well thought out, but how do you plan to prevent abuses?" Queen Annis asked.

"I will get to our ideas for that in a moment. Of course, I also hope that our council will come up with new ones. But we are convinced that lifting the ban will not make us more exposed to abuses," Arthur's advisor declared.

"How so?" Lord Godwyn raised his eyebrows.

"Since I arrived in Camelot, we've had all kinds of dark magic thrown at us, sire. Immortal armies, deadly plagues, mischievous creatures, vicious enchantments. We really cannot see how it could possibly get worse," the warlock recounted, and both rulers nodded slightly, acknowledging that he had a point.

"Some sorcerers wanted revenge so badly, they did not care about dying in the process. Others, like Morgana, were powerful enough not to fear execution. Almost all died in combat. I do not know your experiences, but we didn't find the ban very helpful," Merlin said the last sentence in a way that suggested he knew more than he was letting on.

Queen Annis instantly picked up on it, and for the first time since she arrived, her face betrayed some uneasiness. She fidgeted with her bracelet under the table, cold stones rotating between her fingers. Of course, she was wondering if Merlin knew about her plotting with Morgana all those years back.

But the warlock wasn't thinking about that. His mind went back to Princess Elena, who almost changed into a Sidhe right under Lord Godwyn's nose. He wondered if her father ever suspected magic was involved in her weird behavior.

"There is one more thing that concerns me," Godwyn stated a few moments later.

"What is it, sire?" Merlin encouraged him, looking up from his notes.

"You clearly have good reasons for this change. Nevertheless, you will be going against what this kingdom stood for decades. There might be adverse reactions."

"We expect as much, Lord Godwyn," Guinevere agreed. "But we believe our stance was misguided. And we cannot stand by our mistake out of fear, or we would betray our values even more. I suppose we will simply have to face whatever the future brings, like we always did."

The king smiled, mostly to himself. Only a few words separated his daughter from being on Queen Guinevere's place. But it appeared to him that there were different kinds of magic at work in Camelot. And one of them was that everyone ended up exactly where they should have. Some of it rubbed off on his daughter, who was now happily married to one of his greatest knights.

Their conversation continued for a while, and for quite some time now, Annis had a battle going on inside her head. Finally, she straightened her back and lied both of her hands on the table.

"Thank you for taking the time to clarify the matter, Queen Guinevere, Merlin," she said, and both Gwen and the warlock bowed their heads slightly. "I did not know what to expect when I was coming here. I had my worries, with the news being so unexpected. But I also wish to be a fair queen, and you make valid points that show I have not been just."

She took a deep breath. "Many years back, I told King Arthur that he gave hope to us all, and I see this as another proof of this. So, if you agree, I would like to participate in your council, or at least send someone on my behalf."

Merlin could barely control himself, trying hard not to bare his teeth.

"We will be honored, Queen Annis," Guinevere replied.

* * *

"Can I have a word with you, Merlin?" Lord Godwyn asked, catching up with the warlock on his way to the dining chamber, his jewelry rattling as he walked.

"Of course, sire," Arthur's advisor turned his gaze to the king of Gawant.

"I was impressed by your arguments earlier today. But I still have two questions. I admit at least one of them is not proper, as it is personal, but I hope you can forgive that."

"I do not mind, sire," Merlin reassured him. Actually, he was more intrigued than anything else.

"Your king and queen clearly trust you, and I have no reason not to. What is difficult for me to understand is why you have done so much for them," Godwyn admitted. It was on his mind for the whole day, and he felt like he needed to know before making up his mind on the matter.

"It is a little complicated, but I do not wish to tell any more lies so I will try my best to explain," Merlin started, and the king looked at him warmly, grateful for such answer.

"I don't know what King Arthur told you, sire. But I was born with magic, and for many years, I had no idea what to do with it. When I first came here, someone very old told me that there was a prophecy, which said that my gift was given to me so I could protect Prince Arthur," the warlock recalled.

Lord Godwyn was amused. "And just like that, you accepted your fate? Gave up all the power you could have to be a servant?"

"Until other sorcerers suggested it, it never occurred to me that I could pursue power. It was easy to resist, it didn't really interest me. The hard part was fighting against those like me when I knew that no side was right or wrong. But the future king and queen, and several other people became dear to me so I could do nothing else," Merlin concluded.

"I suppose we should all be thankful for that. Myself included if I am not mistaken?" Godwyn asked with twinkles in his eyes, as they took one of the last turns before reaching the dining chamber.

"How did you know, sire?" Merlin was shocked.

"Well, when your daughter is all you care about, and you notice her change for the better after one visit to Camelot, and she tells you about how she suddenly started feeling different when she was in the room with you and the court physician… But I would certainly like to hear the details."

"I will gladly tell the story, but it is much longer than the hall that separates us from the dinner, sire," the warlock warned, smiling at the king.

"Maybe we could take another lap? I am sure the queens will be late anyway, they always are. I fear we might not get another chance, I have to leave first thing in the morning," Godwyn insisted.

Merlin nodded. They passed the door to the dining chamber, signaling to the guards that they would be back soon. Then, he did his best to explain that Elena was once a changling, what it meant, and all other relevant details about the Sidhes, Pixies, and their plan to conquer Camelot. As he went on, he tried to assess if Godwyn's head hasn't exploded yet.

"That is certainly a lot to take in. But I am grateful for your honesty, and for freeing my daughter," the king said truthfully.

Arthur's advisor bowed his head. As they revisited the same corridors they passed several minutes before, he looked at the fire that lit them and wondered what he would think if someone told him a story _that_ crazy.

"I am not ready to make a declaration like Queen Annis. But I am very pleased that I came and I will be thinking about what to do. I wish you the best of luck with this," Godwyn added, as they were closing in on their destination once again.

Merlin screamed with joy, on the inside. Perhaps, unlike he had thought for the last few days, Arthur didn't have a pickled egg in place of a brain. It actually went fine, more than fine.

* * *

"One more good thing is that we get to spend time together, we barely had a chance to talk after everything," Guinevere pointed out, taking a sip of her wine.

Both Queen Annis and Lord Godwyn retired themselves early to rest before their journeys, as did their knights. Merlin and Gwen, however, decided to use the opportunity to celebrate together. Even if it felt awkward to sit at the long table, filled with several kinds of meat and cheese, accompanied by freshly baked bread, and made more colorful with different fruits and vegetables.

"Oh, we had plenty of chances, but you treated me as if I was about to break during my quest," the warlock argued.

When he saw the queen's face fall, he quickly added. "I didn't mean to upset you, my lady."

"Don't _my lady_ me, Merlin. I was trying to avoid the heavy topics, I thought you had enough. What's gotten into you today?" Gwen shook her head, but her eyes were smiling.

"Just joking. Maybe all the attention made my head grow bigger," Arthur's advisor chuckled. Then, as a serving girl offered to refill his goblet, he added, "Although, _this_ keeps feeling very weird."

„It goes away after a while, even if I'm not sure if that's a good thing."

"Sometimes, I remember all those times you said you could never be queen. I always knew you were wrong," Merlin said, putting some chicken onto his plate.

"Well, as for me, I keep thinking about all those times you said or did strange things that should make me realize who you are. I can't believe I didn't figure it out," Gwen admitted, taking a bite of an apple.

"You did, Gaius told me," Merlin protested.

"That doesn't count, I would find out a few days later anyway. I should have known when you were poisoned and kept mumbling spells, at the latest," the queen scolded herself.

"What surprised me is that you didn't find it suspicious when I found you in the middle of the woods, and you woke up healed. And just days later, Morgana went flying through the wall, and I came from behind the corner, but still nothing," Merlin admitted.

"I know, you were dropping clues all the time. Maybe it was easier not to think too much," the queen pondered, as she let the cutlery clatter against the silver plate, and moved it away.

Merlin opened his mouth to answer, but before he got the chance, the door opened.

"Gwaine! If I knew you weren't away with the king, I would invite you to dine with us. You can join now, if you'd like," Gwen offered. They were almost finished, but they could always stay… and probably have more wine.

"Maybe it's for the best that you didn't, too many royals," Gwaine teased. „Anyway, I'm afraid I came to ruin the fun."

"That's a first," Merlin mumbled, wiping his hands.

"I would laugh, but the situation may not be funny. I saw something on my way to the tavern. You can imagine that it was serious if it made me turn back."

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you to all those who keep reading the story, especially to those who take time to review!_

 _A forgotten character will return in the next chapter :)_


	14. A Bump on the Road

"Alright, tell us everything one more time. And yes, you can omit why you stayed in Camelot," Merlin chuckled, silently wondering just how many embarrassing situations one person can get themselves into.

As it turned out, Gwaine was unwell for the first half of the day, in a way that he didn't wish to describe again. Even though, in the heat of the moment, he told Merlin and Gwen the whole truth just half an hour ago. Now, they were all sitting in Gaius's chamber, after deciding that any plotting that the situation might require would be more effective if they included the physician.

So, the knight recounted what he saw on his way to the tavern, again. He told Gaius about the hooded man who drew his attention. More accurately, he was captivated by his sun-shaped necklace. He only caught a glimpse of it from under the man's cloak, but it seemed to shine like the sun itself. As he kept staring, he soon noticed the person disappearing into a dark alley. Just a few minutes later, three knights were passing, and the man pulled them into the alley.

Gwaine, as he said, moved to stand just behind the corner, worried that they were in danger. But he was wrong. He heard coins rattling, and when he glanced at the group, he saw the knights taking something from the man. The latter told them that they had to use it tonight, or it would become useless. The knights answered that tonight was their only chance anyway.

"I would expect to be the last person to say this, among us, but if that is the case, what are we still doing sitting here?" Gaius asked, looking as if he was about to bolt up and get into action.

"I'm not that dumb, Gaius. I asked some of the more trusted knights to come find me if they leave their chambers. For now, they are all in the same room," Gwaine explained, absentmindedly playing with one of the vials he picked from the table.

"Please, be careful not to spill it," the physician warned, and the knight quickly put it down, well aware that messing with anything that had to do with Gaius's work was a terrible idea.

"Well, can't we just go in there and arrest them?" the queen cut in, impatiently rotating her rings.

"You two are obviously out of form, it only took about two months of peace," Merlin teased, rolling his eyes. "Gwaine did the right thing. There is nothing to punish them for, not yet. With all the knights knowing about lifting the ban, it would hardly be alright to arrest them for possessing a magical item."

"Unless it can only be used to hurt someone," Gaius argued. "But maybe you are right. It's better to find out more."

"Clearly, if tonight is their only chance, the target is either one of the guests, because they are leaving in the morning, or the queen, as the king will be back tomorrow evening," Gwaine pointed out.

Merlin got up and put a hand on the knight's shoulder.

"Then there are only two options. One, we could guard each possible target. But if it's not Annis or Godwyn, I wouldn't want them to find me creeping around their chambers," he admitted, and everyone chuckled. „Two, Gwaine and me will creep around the chamber the knights are in and follow them."

"I suppose you answered yourself. Be careful," Gaius commented, gesturing toward the door.

"About that. I think the queen should sleep in my room tonight, just to be safe. I know it's not up to your-" the warlock suggested.

"Allow me to quote my husband: shut up, Merlin, you know I don't care. Of course, I will stay, thank you for offering," Gwen interrupted.

* * *

"Like good old times," Gwaine muttered.

They were sitting on the corridor floor, with the door they were observing just around the corner.

"That's one way of describing them," Merlin retorted, pulling up his knees.

"Well, at least we didn't get bored," the knight offered, grinning innocently.

The warlock kept peeping at the corridor that was on their right, to make sure no one was coming.

"Yes, because there can be nothing worse for you, Gwaine," he laughed soundlessly.

"No, the quiet days are kind of nice. I guess they are less quiet for you, with the work you do with Arthur," the knight pondered, trying to clean a stain on his boot.

"That doesn't feel like working, Gwaine. More like finally making a dream come true," the warlock replied.

Gwaine nodded and fell silent for a moment, still focusing on his boot.

"Actually, I've been thinking about that. Why didn't you tell Arthur sooner after Uther died?" he asked after a while.

"I used to imagine that it could happen right after Arthur became king, but you remember how his father died, don't you? I wasn't aware of Morgana's enchantment and my magic killed him, instead of helping. Which only made Arthur hate it more," sadly recalled Merlin, thinking about how he was convinced that after what happened, the new king would never fully accept him.

"Right. But surely he would get over it quicker, especially if he knew at least some of what you did. You didn't really think he would punish you, did you?" Gwaine insisted.

He had to control himself to keep his voice low enough, as he spent quite some time wondering about that and he couldn't wait to get some answers. Even if he didn't want to make a big deal out of it, because there were far more important things going on, he did have some trouble processing the news that Merlin was a sorcerer. He was entirely alright with the magic itself, but it felt very wrong that there was so much he didn't know about his friend.

But this time, the warlock was silent, thinking about the best way to reply.

"I can't believe you did. The more he tried to hide it, the more everyone was aware how he cares about you. When you were kidnapped a few years back, and the patrol didn't find you, I thought he'd kill us all with his looks, just in case any of us was the traitor. Don't you remember how happy and relieved he was when we found you?" Gwaine rumbled, while his friend kept checking for movement around the corner.

"Not really," Merlin chuckled. "The truth is, I was kidnapped by Morgana and she… well, used a weird creature to make me want to kill Arthur. I was stripped of my free will, and I have no memories from then. But-"

"Alright, that's messed up. I guess it all was, so it's not like I'm judging. But my point is, there is no way he could willingly watch you die," the knight insisted.

"What I was trying to say is that it wasn't about that. Deep down I hoped he'd take it well, and if he took it very badly, I could probably escape. But either way, in other circumstances, he'd likely need a lot longer to accept it," the warlock explained. Sometimes, he did think that he waited too long, but the stakes always seemed too high.

"Sure, I'd expect as much. So?"

"So he could make me leave for some time, or at least not want me involved. With Morgana around, and threats everywhere, even inside the palace, I just couldn't take that chance," Merlin admitted, looking down at the floor.

Gwaine quickly connected parts of what the warlock said to the faces. Once again, he had that weird feeling in his stomach, thinking about the burden his friend was carrying.

"Hey, how long did you know about Agravaine?" he asked.

"Gaius figured it out soon after we all came back from the Isle of the Blessed. Agravaine said something that gave out he was working with Morgana," Merlin recounted.

"But see, that's exactly what I meant. I tried telling Arthur, at least twice. He wouldn't listen. And if I came clean when Agravaine was around, he would only twist it and try to turn Arthur against me, as he did with Gaius," he added.

Gwaine rubbed his face with his hands.

"I guess so. I don't even want to imagine how hard it all was on you, I'm sure you had good reasons for your choices. I still wish you would tell one of us though. Maybe someone more trustworthy than me," the knight admitted.

Now it was Merlin who struggled not to raise his voice. He turned his head and glared at Gwaine, his expression a little harsher than he would like.

"Would you stop this already. Nobody blames you, like nobody blamed Elyan before, or like I didn't blame Gaius for what he gave out when he was abducted. It's impossible to withstand the torture of this kind if you weren't trained to," he blurted out, exasperated.

"Whatever, it's not really about me telling her where you are, but about the foolishness of going after her," the knight mumbled, and his fists clenched slightly.

"Which one of us has never done anything rash and stupid? Even Gaius has, which should tell you something," Merlin said, and Gwaine put a hand over his mouth not to laugh out loud. "You were trying to protect those you cared about, like you always do. You've always been a great friend. And it's one of the reasons why it all ended the way it did."

„What? Why?"

The knight was convinced that the warlock was merely trying to make him feel better. But actually, his answer was the only thing except finding out that Merlin and Arthur were alive, which took away some of his guilt.

"As I told you before, after Morgana found out about me, she took away my magic. I wouldn't get to the crystal cave without you. And if I didn't get my magic back, well, you can imagine."

"Thanks for saying that. Now, think about how much easier it would be if I knew what it was about, me or another knight," Gwaine didn't want to let go. After all, telling Arthur was not the only option.

"Sure, it was easier when Lancelot was alive. He found out when he first came to Camelot, by accident. But it was my burden, I didn't want to make you choose," Merlin explained, his neck twisted and eyes fixed on the door they were observing.

"Funny that you say that, you are just about the only person for whom I would disobey the king without thinking twice," the knight stated firmly.

"I suspected you would, and believe me, I thought about telling you. But I didn't want you to have to do it. And I didn't want you to be in danger, like everyone who knew was… Wait, they are getting out."

* * *

They waited until the two knights disappeared behind the next turn, and went after them. Since the third one apparently stayed in the chamber, Merlin whispered _ne un clyse_ to lock its door.

Surprisingly, even though it certainly wasn't the first time they had to follow someone quietly, it seemed particularly hard. Merlin was a bit lightheaded from the wine he drunk with his dinner, which made him miraculously trip while going straight ahead, not to mention accidentally burning his hand in the fire from one of the candles that lit the corridor.

As for Gwaine, it was less clear what made him especially clumsy. Perhaps it was the lack of wine, which, after all, was unusual for him. Or maybe he was just inspired by his friend. Either way, he turned his head for a moment to see how far behind Merlin was, only to run into a statue.

Thankfully, they somehow managed to stay unobserved. Of course, it only took a few turns for them to realize that the knights were going to Queen Guinevere's chambers. With each step, Merlin became more and more confused. Sure, they did consider Gwen all along, because Arthur was gone. But it was a long time since anyone said as much as a bad word about the queen, why would she be the target?

* * *

When the knights finally disappeared behind the queen's door, Merlin and Gwaine picked up their pace. Then, they stopped behind the door and managed to soundlessly crack them open just enough to see and hear what was going on inside.

They watched the two men taking out a brass box. Then, the knights opened it and took out an oval dark blue crystal, which was glowing with a light of a similar, but a slightly lighter shade. It was wrapped in a transparent fabric, possibly for protection from its power. One of them also reached to his pocket and pulled out something that looked like a different, larger piece of cloth, though they couldn't see it well enough.

"Maybe it is even better that she is not here yet. Anyway, with the two of them gone, Camelot will be free from disease again," the man, who they recognized as Sir Bredbeddle, hissed. Luckily for their peace of mind, Gwaine and Merlin didn't see ugly smirks on the knights' faces.

 _What do they mean by "the two of them?"_ , the warlock wondered.

When the two men crouched to put the stone under the bed, Gwaine and Merlin decided it was their cue to come in. This time though, they were noticed a little earlier than they intended to.

"Sir Gwaine! Merlin! What are you-" Sir Agiff asked, jumping back on his feet.

"What are _we_ doing here?" Gwaine sneered, glaring at his two fellow knights.

"Well, if you are wondering about us, we observed something suspicious, we came to make sure that the chamber is safe," Sir Bredbeddle made a desperate attempt.

"Interesting. You see, I've been following you since your little meeting in the lower town," Gwaine revealed, hand on his sword.

"Fine, we may as well do it this way," Sir Agiff said. Both he and his companion drew out their swords, they took a few steps and put them to Merlin's throat.

"You aren't too bright, are you?" Gwaine retorted. The warlock thought he sounded amused, which, in a way, was very fitting.

Both traitors turned their gaze to him. Before they could answer, their swords went flying in the air.

"A piece of advice, even if it might be too late for that," Merlin said quietly, "If you want to stab someone with magic, your only chance is to be quicker."

He was about to find something to tie them with. But this time, someone indeed was faster than him. One thing Gwaine was always terrible at was standing by and doing nothing. He stepped closer and knocked out Sir Breddeble with one blow.

Sir Agiff, however, put up a bit of a fight. Of course, Merlin could use his magic to help. But if Gwaine decided not to take out his sword, he was about to do it an honorable way, even if there was no honor in what the two knights tried to do.

And so, the warlock watched the mess that unfolded before him. The knight with curly blond hair and pale skin was skilled but nowhere near as good as Gwaine. Well, it was entirely possible that no one in Camelot fought better than his dark-haired friend, and only very few were equal.

Still, between Gwaine making his supper dance in his stomach with a solid punch, and very unpleasant twisting of his arm, which probably resulted in a dislocated shoulder, he did manage one clean blow to Gwaine's ribcage. One that the dark-haired knight would feel for the next two or three days, though obviously, he wouldn't admit it.

Then, it was hard to keep track of what happened. The important thing was that it ended on the floor, with one final strike from Gwaine.

„Well, it doesn't seem like Sir Agiff's stay in the dungeons will be very pleasant," Merlin observed.

He gave his friend a hand to help him stand up. Then, he walked over to pick up the stone, wrapped it back in the fabric and put it safely in the box.

As they were about to leave and call the guards, Gwaine remembered something.

"Wait, what was the piece of cloth they took out?"

He rushed back to the bed and looked under it, to no success. He glanced around and spotted it near the bedside table. And what he saw made his blood boil, much more than the heat of the fight.

"Now I'm really sorry that I didn't run them through," the knight spat, holding out something that looked alarmingly familiar. Something that resembled one of Merlin's scarves.

"Uh. That smells like quite a dumb plot," the warlock remarked sadly.

Now he knew who the second person they wanted to take down was. It was somewhat delusional to think the scarf would be enough to make his friends believe he turned on them like that, and he knew that. Still, it was pretty depressing.

* * *

"Leon, I need your advice on something. Or, a confirmation that I'm not going too insane with what I want to do," Arthur started after he asked the knight for a word outside.

They stopped in the tavern on their way back from the hunting trip. It might have seemed like a strange decision, considering they were served a big festive meal before leaving. However, Arthur was so fixated on not ruining his fragile peace with Odin by saying the wrong thing, he could barely think about eating. He only ate enough not to seem impolite.

Also, Percival was already hungry again, which hardly surprised anyone. Besides, now it seemed like it might have been fate that brought them to the tavern after all.

"I think I can guess what, or rather who, you wish to ask about, sire. Even if I'm not sure why you would need my opinion on this, you tend to decide on those things on your own," Leon replied.

"Yes, because I rarely do it with my head. But this time I feel like I can't only go by heart. Considering his past, it trumps most of what I did. And you've been our advisor for a long time," the king clarified, looking at the late afternoon sky.

"Does it? You knighted people who were banished from Camelot. And your new advisor is the face of something that has been considered the ultimate evil for decades," the knight pointed out with a chuckle.

"Well, when you put it that way," the king muttered.

"If anything, it will be easier this time. We are the only ones who know," Leon observed, sitting on a wooden bench, which looked like it could fall apart any minute.

"So you think we should take him with us?" Arthur tried to ascertain, perching down next to him.

"You know, I used to fear that… you weren't cautious enough with those things. But I couldn't be more wrong. Camelot has always been built upon trust, but people have never been loyal to your father the way they are loyal to you. And when you were betrayed, it was by those who no one would ask questions about," the red-haired man answered.

"Usually. But there was also Mordred," Arthur reminded solemnly, and Leon could tell that it was still bothering him. He knew how attached the king got to the young knight and how much energy he put into training him. He actually paid a lot of attention to that back when Mordred was in Camelot because for some inexplicable reason, it didn't feel right.

"I know it's a fresh wound… A poor choice of words, I apologize. You clearly cared about him. But your heart was right far more often than it wasn't. If you didn't follow it before, Gwaine or Percival wouldn't be knights, and both Merlin and Guinevere would be far away or executed," Leon said, his voice uncharacteristically passionate.

The king smiled slightly. "You're right. I'd rather die at Mordred's hand than not have any of them around. I suppose we've come a long way."

"Tell me about it. Our fathers must be turning in their graves, and I don't even care anymore."

* * *

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?" Arthur asked, bursting through the door to Gaius's chamber. Two of his closest knights were close behind. There was someone else too, but for now, he stayed outside, in the shadows, leaving the door opened.

Gwaine, Merlin, Gwen, and Gaius were all there again. Even though it was already the next evening after the warlock and the knight caught the traitors, they only got the chance to talk about it now. First, they had to wait until the crystal's magic faded. Then, Gaius and Merlin spent the better part of the day investigating.

"How do you even know something happened?" Gwaine raised his eyebrows, looking up from the table.

"I know you sometimes forget, Gwaine, but I'm king. The minute I came back, guards told me that three knights are in the dungeons and they demand to talk with me," Arthur explained.

"Oh, do they?" Merlin mumbled, putting down the stone.

"They did, but I've already been there," Arthur said, and everyone but those who came with him looked surprised. "And they told me that they caught Merlin and Gwaine planting some magical stone in the queen's chambers, but you managed to turn the situation against them."

All those who spent the previous night in the palace were even more astonished.

"I hope it's not worry I'm seeing. I laughed at them. I could barely say it now with a straight face," the king quickly clarified.

"I'm not worried about you believing them. It's just that maybe… we've been going too fast with everything," Merlin admitted.

Gwaine jumped up from the bench he was sitting on.

"Don't even go there. You can't blame yourself for others acting like vicious, spineless cowards," he scoffed, as his face grew redder.

"Agreed. Don't be stupid, Merlin. You've waited long enough for this," Arthur seconded his knight.

"Now though," the king continued. "I'd like some explanations… No, wait. I changed my mind, let's start with the good news."

Percival and Leon stepped aside and signaled for the person who stayed behind to come in. He didn't mean much to Gwaine or Gaius. They didn't even get to meet him, he disappeared before they recovered after their stay in the dungeons. But Merlin and Gwen were a different story. They could never forget how he helped them or how his heart got broken in the process because it broke their hearts too.

"Tristan! It's so good to see you! I often thought about you," Merlin exclaimed, as he rushed to hug their old ally.

"I kept wishing you stayed!" Gwen added, also approaching the man who was soon to be knighted.

The truth was, she also regretted that she hadn't even gotten a chance to say goodbye, but there was little point in bringing that up now. They were all crashed after Isolde died and in the brief moment they shared in the throne room, there was nothing to be said. Eventually, Arthur did offer Tristan to spend some time in the palace. But the latter disappeared in the midst of the post-battle chaos, and they were all left wondering what happened to him.

"I hear that things changed for the two of you, I'm pleased for you," Tristan replied with a warm smile, returning their hugs.

* * *

"Alright, now to the interesting part. What did you find out about the stone?" Gwaine asked impatiently, right after Merlin finished recounting what he already knew.

"It's a powerfully enchanted kyanite. This kind of crystal can hold both good and bad magic, but judging by the shade of the glow, this one was harmful," Gaius explained, lifting the stone so everyone could take a good look.

"Harmful how?" Arthur interrupted, feeling his anger levels rising, even though, despite the facade, they had already been alarming before he heard the story.

"Look here," the physician pointed his finger to the passage in the book that lied open on the table. "It says that a person who is exposed to its power for a few hours will slowly lose their mind."

Everyone gaped at him. Well, everyone but Gwen, who looked down, biting her lip. Again, someone was after her for reasons she had no control over. It wasn't even scary anymore, just frustrating and sad.

"It's a pity you didn't throw it in the cell with them" Arthur spat, looking and Merlin and Gwaine. After collecting himself, he added, "Do we know anything about who they got the crystal from?"

"Not really, but my bet is on a random sorcerer who collects and sells powerful magical items. Possibly one with a grudge against Camelot," Gaius replied.

"Wouldn't the necklace that Gwaine saw help identify him?" Merlin wondered, rubbing his neck.

The physician shook his head. "I'm afraid that's just another thing from his collection. In the past, such necklaces were used by magical warriors. They offer protection."

"Alright, but if the guy I saw didn't enchant the stone, how could it only work for a bit longer than one night?" Gwaine said.

"Well, it needs to be enchanted twice. The base magic has to be much more powerful. The spell that decides whether it will do good or bad requires much less skill, and it's even easier if the kyanite is only supposed to be woken up for a short time," Merlin clarified, ending with a wide yawn.

"It looks like someone else only woke up for a short time," Gaius joked, referring to a nap the warlock took during the day. "Anyway, very few people have the power needed to transform such crystal into a magical one. There are marks on it, but I haven't analyzed them yet."

Arthur put his elbows on the table and massaged his temples with his index and middle fingers. "Then we will get back to it later. For now, we have to deal with what we know."

* * *

Unlike his father, Arthur didn't find pleasure in punishing his people, no matter how significant their crimes. Even if they enraged him, deciding their fate wasn't the responsibility he enjoyed. After all, roles could be reversed or at least distributed differently, and while he was (usually) following the law, there was always room for interpretation. His, or any ruler's, judgments could never be free of his idea of justice. Of course, it was still the only way to maintain order, but that didn't make the burden any lighter.

But this time, he was going to try to make it count. That was why by his orders, the throne room was full, with as many courtiers as it could fit. They filled it with apprehensive murmurs, which matched expectant and slightly fearful looks. Why would the king order so many people to witness the trial? Was anyone else in danger? Even though the king was just about to give his verdict, they still had no answers to those questions.

"Sir Agiff, Sir Colgrevance, Sir Bredbeddle. Your trial marks a dark day for Camelot. Three members of our army, one that was built upon trust and loyalty, are found guilty of high treason, as well as plotting to incriminate two members of the court," Arthur's words came as no surprise. Anyone who was in the room could see where the trial was going.

"You not only broke the law but also betrayed the core values of our code. You did not have the honor to admit your faults when I first confronted you. Also, neither of you showed remorse during the trial or agreed to the conditions I offered. Therefore, you leave me no choice but to sentence you to death. The executions will take place tomorrow afternoon," the king announced. Now there were a few muffled signals of surprise.

Merlin gulped a little louder than he intended, shifting uncomfortably on his feet. Of course, unlike some others in the room, he knew it would probably come to this. There really weren't many alternatives. Two of those knights sat at the round table, and with the knowledge they had about Camelot, it was not an option to banish them. He came up with a lighter punishment, which involved some more time spent in the dungeons, as well as stripping of their titles and privileges, and being bound by some restrictions after being released. However, Arthur was only willing to go with it under several conditions, including giving away the name of the seller of the crystal and a lot of apologizing. Apparently, it was too much for them.

So, he understood that the king had no choice. But it still made him feel uneasy that three people were going to die, in part because of committing a crime against him. Why were they even so stubborn? He didn't know any of them well, obviously. However, he did remember that Agiff and Colgrevance weren't happy when Arthur revealed that he knighted the commoners. But no matter how hard they believed in Uther's order, perhaps taking after their fathers, was it _really_ worth their lives?

"It was their choice, Merlin. We couldn't just let it go," Leon, who was standing next to the warlock, whispered to him, sensing his discomfort.

Unlike his friend, he understood well why they didn't accept Arthur's conditions. Their executions would be humiliating, for them and their families. But that was just one day. Being stripped of their titles and having limited freedom for years meant reliving the disgrace over and over again. As someone who grew up in a noble family and spent most of his life among nobles, he realized there was little hope they would agree to that.

"As for the rest of you, I asked you to witness this trial, because I want you to realize something. You do not have to agree with my every decision, nor do you have to like each member of the court. But you have to respect them, out of your loyalty to Camelot," the king finally addressed the anxious crowd.

There were a few knights who gazed at their boots, looking guilty.

"I have great respect for my father and his kingship. But I am not him, and I have no intention to be. If it is too much to bear for any of you, you are free to leave the kingdom now. If you stay, I expect no more plots to destroy it from within," continued Arthur.

People started whispering, and there was some movement among them, but no one left the chamber.

"Any such attempts will be punished severely. For in the last years, our greatest threats did not come from Saxons, from Helios or Cendred's armies. They were raised under our noses, at this very court, brought upon the kingdom by people I trusted and cared for."

That seemed to strike a chord with many of those present in the chamber. Some of them were members of the court long enough to remember Lady Morgana as King Uther's beloved ward. Among them, there were those who risked their lives in one of the missions to rescue her back in the day. And there were even more who recalled the time of Lord Agravaine. The memory of him bossing around, while he was fooling them every single day repulsed them. As did the thought of Mordred, a sweet boy who sat with many of them at the round table. A nice boy who nearly killed their king with no hesitation, after joining their opponents.

"Yet, the loyalty of others, many of whom are in this room, is also why we prevailed. What makes this crime especially painful is that three people who could get hurt are those who stood by Camelot and me even when they had every reason to feel betrayed. They are the heart of Camelot, no less than me. I hope that everyone in this room will grow to celebrate that."

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for still reading. I'm especially grateful to all those who take time to review :)_

 _Mersan123, I love Annis too, I find her the most interesting of all the rulers (other than Arthur). And, for once, Gwaine saved the day by going to the tavern. Thanks!_

 _Gaylelbf, thank you! This one is a little longer than usual but I decided not to break it into two, I have too much planned for the next chapters to delay it any further :)_

 _Gingeraffealene, I know, but I decided that since Odin was unlikely to involve another evil sorceress/sorcerer, Merlin should trust that swords will do this time. Also, I'm sure he was glad to be allowed to pass on the hunting trip :) As for Elena, yeah, sometimes the characters were conveniently made look dumb so Merlin's magic could have stayed secret, but I'm determined to show they weren't THAT dumb. Thanks!_

 _Vanvdreamer, I felt a bit sorry for Godwyn too, it must have been hard to take it all in, after hearing Uther's crap for years. But he did well. Thank you!_

 _Moniurek, thank you. I enjoyed giving Merlin what he deserves too. I guess he wasn't that lucky in this chapter, but at least now he has Arthur's absolute trust, and he doesn't have to constantly think of ways to convince him about every little thing._


	15. Busy Days, Busier Nights

"Tristan, where did you learn to fight like that?" Arthur asked, impressed with the way his newest knight handled his first training session.

The two of them were sitting on the grass, resting and taking in the afternoon sun. Surprisingly, it was yet another day of nice weather in Camelot.

"My father taught me. Many men in my village were good with swords, they had to. It was almost on the border with Carleon's kingdom, you can imagine that it wasn't the safest place. Then, I had at least as much practice when traveling," Tristan explained, smiling sadly at his memories.

The king nodded. The area was notoriously plagued by bandit groups. At rare times, when he felt especially confident, they were led by Carleon himself. His father did make a few half-baked efforts to restore order, but it wasn't until he took the matter in his own hands, supported by Queen Annis, when something finally changed.

"You probably had to fight since you were a boy," Arthur observed, running his fingers along the blade of his sword, which he plunged into the ground next to him.

"Yes, sire. I had no brothers, and my father wasn't always around, so I had to take some responsibility," the knight admitted.

"Seriously, you don't have to call me that when we are sitting on the grass, alone. It sounds almost as weird coming from you as from Merlin."

"I suppose I didn't exactly come across as respectful of your title the first time we've met," said Tristan, looking down at the grass.

"I can't say I blame you, my servant enchanted me into being a simpleton. And things mostly went downhill from there."

"Oh, so you weren't pretending the whole time," the knight laughed. He had silently praised Arthur's acting skills, but now he realized he should have been more amazed by Merlin's, who somehow managed to keep a straight face through it all.

"No. But I'm still sorry we marched into your life like that, and brought so much suffering," Arthur said quietly, turning his head to look at Tristan.

The knight exhaled loudly, his mind traveling back to the events from a few years back. His hands unconsciously pulled out several blades of grass.

"Losing the… business was probably a good thing, in a way. When living near the border, I made some contacts. One time, I was offered to join a crew, after most of its members were killed. It was led by an aging guy who had no family. After a few years, he got sick and passed it to me. He told me that I was the only person he knew who could handle it. It was my best chance to get out of my village, and I could still visit regularly. I didn't care much about the law since it didn't seem to care much about me either. But if I were honest with myself, that wasn't what I wanted to do with my life."

"I hope you will have better luck here, then. But I wasn't really talking about that," the king admitted, nodding at two young knights who came to practice with their crossbows.

"I figured. But fighting with you here, in the palace, was our choice. You aren't responsible for that," Tristan declared, thinking that he probably should have said it a long time ago.

Arthur's eyes followed the trajectory of the arrows. He found it somewhat relaxing, at least on this rare opportunity when he didn't have to dodge them.

"Maybe, but it was my fight. I probably wouldn't win, or even live, without you there, but I still wished we've never met you. And I was surprised that you agreed to come with us now," he confessed.

"That's why I wanted to. Not many kings care that way about people dying for them. Or give someone like me a second chance," Tristan pointed out, getting up and brushing off his clothes. "I have to go prepare for the patrol."

"But there is one more reason, the most important one, actually. If it's what Isolde was willing to die for, that's exactly what I should be doing," he added, before walking off toward the castle.

* * *

"Hey, what did Odin say about your plans to lift the ban?" Merlin asked.

They were sitting at the table in the king's chamber. It was already quite late in the evening, with the full moon gleaming through the open window. However, the day was so hectic, that they had to resort to discussing their schedule for the coming days after dinner. It only took them two hours, and several small disagreements.

"What do you think?" Arthur retorted, his face breaking into a smirk.

The warlock shrugged, looking slightly confused. "How can I know?"

"It's not your brightest day, is it?" the blond-haired man continued teasing.

"It's late, Arthur," Merlin defended himself.

"Well, what could he say? There are places inside his kingdom, like Helva, where magic is allowed. The law is a bit all over the place, and it can't be freely practiced in the heart of his kingdom, but he is nowhere near as strict with this as my father was. Also, his past alliance with Morgana is no secret. So, he was mostly curious and surprised, but definitely not against it," the king recounted.

His advisor nodded. "How was he? Did he really let go of the hard feelings?"

"Getting there. He was friendly enough and even suggested that he realizes I didn't want to kill his son. Still, there were awkward moments, but it was to be expected, not everyone is like Annis," Arthur replied, ruling the parchments they were using.

"Have you forgiven him?"

"Funny that you ask, I haven't even thought about that, which probably means yes. It may be easier considering the state my father was in anyway."

"Right," Merlin agreed, even though he was thinking that it was more complicated, since Arthur only accepted the challenge, while Odin's intentions were far worse. "Anyway, do we have anything else to discuss?"

"I don't think so. Unless you have some news about the person who sold the crystal," Arthur inquired, not having much hope for an affirmative answer, as it seemed to be too soon after the incident.

"Not really. The only news I have is that Gaius is behaving suspiciously," the warlock revealed, looking slightly amused.

The king raised his eyebrows, waiting for further explanations.

"Well, he seems obsessed with finding out who originally enchanted the kyanite. I have no idea why it could be important," Merlin elaborated.

"I assume that you asked and he dismissed it," Arthur looked at his friend who confirmed it with a quick nod. "Then, as always, we can only wait. We probably don't want to know anyway."

This time, he actually got it wrong. Soon enough, he was about to find out that Gaius's discovery was indeed significant. For now, though, the warlock grinned, rolling his eyes, and got up from his chair. "Alright then, I should be going."

"Goodnight, Merlin. If you happen to see Wylie on your way, please explain to him what happens when I'm angry with my servants. And be _very_ precise," the king muttered, also raising from his chair.

"You promised to be nice, Arthur," Merlin reminded, but he couldn't help but grin at the thought of all the things he would have listed.

"I am doing my best. But you have no idea how hard it is sometimes. I swear, the man always manages to disappear _exactly_ when I need him most."

"Give it time, he will develop some prediction skills. Why would you even need him most _now_?" the king's advisor suppressed a chuckle, knowing better than to joke about serious problems.

"I know, I know. I can prepare myself for bed. But I also need him to drop Gwaine's sword at his chamber before tomorrow."

"Do I even want to know what it's about?"

"Probably not. But if you insist, I promised that Wylie would sharpen it for him. Gwaine was about to do it himself, but I made him do something else. Of course, my bright servant brought it back here. And if Gwaine can't find it tomorrow before patrol, no one in this palace will have a quiet morning," Arthur pointed out at the sword in the corner of the room.

"Seriously, are there no spare ones in Camelot? Even you used to fight with different swords," Merlin sighed. It wasn't easy to live among the knights, much less to understand them, even after all those years.

"It depends on a person, Merlin. Some knights don't care that much, others get attached to one. Gwaine is in the second group."

"Alright, alright. I can leave it in his chamber, it's on my way," the warlock proposed, even though he was still convinced Arthur was exaggerating.

"Are you sure? I can go myself."

"How would that make sense?" Merlin asked, a little taken aback by the unusual offer. Well, it wasn't that unusual those days, but he had yet to get used to it.

"Fine, take it. Thank you."

* * *

It was late enough for most of the castle to either be asleep or preparing for bed behind closed doors. Still, Merlin fully expected Gwaine's room to be empty. Just in case it wasn't, he cautiously opened the door and sneaked in as quietly as he could.

As soon as he was inside, he realized that his friend wasn't out, and he definitely wasn't having fun. He heard soft whimpers and some incoherent mumbling coming from the bed. When he rushed toward their source, he started being able to make out the words.

"I can't… Please… Just kill me… I'm sorry."

The warlock perched on the edge of the bed and moved away strands of hair that were plastered to Gwaine's face. He then grabbed him by the shoulders and gently shook him.

"Wake up, Gwaine. It's alright, it's only a nightmare," he repeated a few times in a firm but comforting voice, noticing how tired his friend seemed, even in the faint moonlight.

Finally, the knight's eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times, looking disoriented.

"It's okay, it was just a nightmare," the raven-haired man gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his shoulders, before letting his arms fall back to his sides.

But that wasn't what Gwaine was worried about. He almost got used to it by now.

"What are you doing here, Merlin?" he asked, turning his head away in embarrassment.

"Wylie got confused and left your sword in Arthur's chambers. I brought it here on my way, he said you freak out when you can't find it," the warlock explained with a chuckle.

When Gwaine didn't reply, Merlin lit up a candle using magic, walked to the table and poured some water into the goblet. "Here, drink."

A few minutes later, Gwaine collected himself enough to get up. He wasn't used to being exposed like that, and he would do anything to hide somewhere, but he realized it wouldn't be easy now. He tossed his shirt, which was slightly wet, onto a chair. Then, he moved a bowl with water onto a table and splashed some of it over his face and torso.

"Do you have them often? The nightmares?" the warlock asked quietly.

He wanted to break through the awkwardness and get Gwaine to talk, even though he knew the answer. It was only now he realized how self-absorbed he'd been since Camlann. But though he only fully recognized it now, he could easily think back to the signs that Gwaine only pretended to be alright in the last two and a half months.

There were days when he seemed almost normal, like recently, when they were following the knights or earlier when he put his issues aside to comfort Merlin during his quest. But they were few and far between. And now that the warlock was thinking about it, it was strange that they only got to talk about everything three days ago. His mind had been busy with stuff related to bringing magic back. But he had to admit that overall, most days they both had far more free time than before. However, Gwaine became more withdrawn, mostly keeping to himself and not talking nearly as much.

On top of it, he really didn't look well. Merlin had been dismissing it, assuming that he was just drained after another night in the tavern. But the bags under his eyes were only getting bigger and darker, most days he was a little pale, and he seemed to have lost some weight. Now, of course, Merlin was smacking himself mentally, because it was all so obvious. After all, he lived through enough to know that some things don't just go away. But he was so wrapped in his own business, that he left one of his closest friends alone.

"No, don't worry about it," Gwaine answered, not sounding very convincing. He gripped the edges of the table. "Thanks for waking me up but you can go back to your room, it's late."

"That really wasn't a very good lie," Merlin remarked sadly. "We could talk, you know. It helps a little."

He watched as Gwaine pulled on a new shirt and got back to bed, covering his legs and turning his back to him.

"I thought it was obvious I don't want to. Goodnight, Merlin," the knight grunted. He didn't intend for it to come out so harsh, instantly feeling bad for it.

He expected to hear the door shut. Instead, though, he felt some extra weight on the other side of the bed.

"Well, you are obviously not alright, you've never snapped at me like that. And I feel like an idiot for not seeing it earlier. I'm sorry. But you were always there for me, even if I didn't know I wanted you to. So I won't go unless you kick me out one more time," Merlin declared.

Gwaine was silent. His friend interpreted it as a permission to stay and rested his back against the headboard. Deciding not to push his luck, he didn't say anything else.

"Sorry for being like that. It's just… hard to talk about it. And I feel that if I do, I'll burden you with a huge, stinky, embarrassing mess," Gwaine almost whispered after what seemed like an eternity.

"You are talking to a guy whose nightmares were almost a public affair for a month," Merlin reminded. "And to a friend. You are supposed to burden me sometimes, instead of always pretending everything is fine."

"I'm not sure if you are the right person to say this," the knight chuckled. "Also, things have been good for you, finally. It's time for you to enjoy yourself. I don't want to ruin it."

"We went into this mess together. Actually, you didn't have to think twice about going into ours. We are only out when we are all out," Merlin said adamantly.

There were another few quiet moments, during which Gwaine wondered if they could ever be genuinely out; right now, it felt unlikely.

„There is more to it, I guess. If I say it, it will become more real. And I sometimes feel so insane, I fear I'm going to end up like Uther," he admitted hesitantly, his head and body still turned the other way.

Merlin placed his hand on his friend's upper arm, glancing at him worriedly, though of course, the latter remained unnoticed. "You know, I think what happened to Uther had to do with him keeping everything inside for most of his life. And I honestly doubt I can separate insane from normal anymore."

Gwaine took a deep breath. "Everyone keeps thinking that I go to the tavern to have fun. But I don't enjoy it anymore, I'm just trying to sit there as long as I can, to avoid going to bed. But either way, I usually end up not sleeping or having nightmares. And then I get up with a headache. I barely remember how it is not to have it."

The warlock gulped. He wasn't sure what to expect or if he would hear anything at all. But this was painful to take in, as it made him realize just how much Gwaine had to cover up. In fact, the goofy story he told them a few days ago about why he didn't go to the hunting trip was almost certainly a well thought out lie too.

"Two times, the nightmares got so bad that I threw up after I woke up. And sometimes, I can shake them off during the day, but other times everything brings them back, or random memories appear out of nowhere. Or, I suddenly hear Morgana's voice in my ear. See, it's all bloody pathetic," the knight concluded, his face sinking deeper into the pillow.

"Gwaine… it's neither pathetic nor crazy, it's understandable," Merlin commented, his hand still on his friend's arm, his thumb rubbing it soothingly. "I only wish you weren't alone with it for so long."

"It's not understandable at all. We've all been through the same, but everyone else gets on fine. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want anyone else to be miserable," the knight argued.

"No, I get what you mean. And first off, I hope for the best, but we don't really know how others are dealing. And second, it wasn't the same for everyone, Gwaine. You had it worse than most with Morgana," the raven-haired man said reassuringly, though he wasn't sure if he wouldn't just make it worse.

"What happened before… before the last time would almost never bother me. But now, now it's all coming back," the knight admitted, grimacing into the pillow.

"It happens to me, too. Something brings back a whole bunch of things I thought I left behind," Merlin commented, looking out of the window, into a soothing calmness of a night sky.

There was a brief pause before Gwaine spoke up again. "What if I can never leave this behind? I've had my share of hopeless situations, but they don't even come close."

"Those few days around it were the worst in my life, too," the warlock agreed again. He bit his lip, not sure about what to say. "But it's only been over two months, give it time. And I promise I'll help you through it in any way I can. And other people care too, you shouldn't forget that."

The knight shifted a bit under the covers. However, even if it felt somewhat good finally talking about it, he still didn't want to turn and face Merlin when doing it.

"This will sound silly… and whiny," Gwaine warned, and Merlin lightly squeezed his arm, encouraging him to continue. "But most of the time, it's like I'm trapped where there's no one."

He took another deep breath before continuing. "After I told her where you were… I was sure I would die, and I couldn't wait for it, but… But there was so much pain and nothing good to hold onto."

At this point, Merlin already felt his heart squeeze. Gwaine only ever talked about his guilt over revealing their location, he never went into all those other emotions.

"I despised myself, and I was sure everyone will. And anyway, I couldn't really think about people I care about without going into what Eira did and how you and Arthur will surely die. Or about Camelot, because I thought it would end up in Morgana's hands too. There was nothing good to distract myself with. And it seemed like my life, my death, nothing made sense. And then-" the knight blurted out, before stopping abruptly.

"What do you mean by then?" Merlin inquired, as gently as he could.

"When I was unconscious… I kept dreaming… About what I thought would happen… About-" Gwaine's voice broke, as he was flooded by emotions.

For so long, whenever he was awake, he tried hard to repress them, to make them go away. It was the first time he allowed himself to really feel them. On the one hand, it was like getting rid of a heavy burden, but on the other, it was also overwhelming, as if he could either break free or get carried away with it.

A few tears dropped onto the pillow. Merlin couldn't see them, but he noticed Gwaine drawing his knees a little closer to his chest, and his body tensing, with one hand tightly gripping the quilt. The warlock also heard the knight's breathing becoming louder and less regular.

He got up for a moment, just to turn around and sit a bit closer. One of his hands went back to Gwaine's arm, and he started rubbing circles on his back with another.

"About-" the knight attempted to finish, but again, he was overflowed with thoughts and emotions.

"Shh, there's no need to say any more now," Merlin whispered comfortingly.

With the new perspective, he could take a glimpse at the knight's face. And he felt a pang in his chest again, seeing traces of tears on his cheeks, and how exhausted and broken he looked. How did he manage to hide it for so long under fake smiles and goofy jokes?

It took a while until Gwaine's body relaxed a little. Merlin could faintly feel it tremble from releasing the tension. Much more time passed, spent without either of them saying anything, before the knight calmed down.

"Gwaine, are you still awake?" the warlock asked, kind of hoping for no answer.

"Mhm."

"Just in case you still don't realize it, I want you to know something. Whatever would happen when we were going to Avalon, even if we died, no one, including Morgana, could take away what you did for Camelot, for Arthur, Gaius, me. It was all we could talk about when I was trying to heal you. People like you, doing good, is the only thing that makes sense."

"Thank you, Merlin," Gwaine wanted to add that it wasn't only for what he had just said, but he figured that his friend was aware of that.

"Anytime. I mean it."

After a while, the raven-haired man added, "Try to get some sleep now, or you will fall off the horse tomorrow."

He continued to rub Gwaine's back for some time, wanting to keep him calm. The moves of his hand simplified gradually, as his arm grew number. Still, he didn't stop after the knight's breath pattern changed, suggesting he fell asleep. If the last ten weeks had taught him anything, it was that there are problems that can only be tackled when you have friends by your side. And since Gwaine spent outrageously long dealing with one of those alone, Merlin was determined to turn it around, as much as possible.

* * *

The warlock snuck out of Gwaine's chamber sometime after dawn. He barely managed to force his legs to keep moving toward his room, and he was really looking forward to around two hours of sleep that he could afford.

Unfortunately, that was not what he got. As soon as he went through Gaius's door, he was greeted by… extreme mess. There were books and strange objects everywhere, including the floor. Gaius was somewhere in the middle, looking content enough to make Merlin think that he found whatever he devastated his chamber over.

To his surprise, the physician wasn't the only person there. Geoffrey was half-asleep on one of the chairs, his nose, unsurprisingly, buried in a book.

"Merlin! Where on earth have you been? We could have used your help here," Gaius complained, in his usual reprimanding voice.

"Can't tell. But I'm glad I was out. Apparently, there was a battle here. How did you survive?" the warlock teased, putting his hands on his hips.

Geoffrey woke up at the sound of their voices and mumbled his good mornings.

As Gaius ignored Merlin's comment, the latter decided to follow up on it. "Seriously, can anyone tell me what happened here?"

"We were just looking for something," the physician explained innocently.

"Are you blowing me off again? You've been doing it for the last three days, Gaius."

"No, we have all the answers. But it's been a long night, I'd prefer to only explain it once, with the king there," the physician admitted, trying to clean up some of the things around him.

"Alright," Arthur's advisor started, when something occurred to him. "Wait. Are all of those magical items yours? Did you have them stashed all this time, with all those searches throughout the years?"

Gaius looked down guiltily.

"To be fair, some of them are mine," Geoffrey was the first to speak. "I have never used them after the Great Purge, but I am a librarian, it is hard for my kind to let go of the past."

 _This is just getting better and better_ , Merlin thought, as his eyes grew wide.

"I don't mean to sound disrespectful, but you two are… Forget it, I don't even have words for it. For all the times you yelled at me Gaius, and all the suspicious looks I got in the library-"

"Well, I've only ever scolded you for being reckless, as you can see, we weren't," the physician defended himself.

"Sure, whatever you say," the warlock smirked. "I'll leave you to your madness now and go to take a nap."

"You don't think that we can clean it on our own, do you?" Gaius asked, gesturing at his surroundings.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Not that I didn't grow to appreciate doing things without magic. But I'm not giving up whatever is left of my sleep," he announced and made several movements with his hands, making the room go back to its original state, more or less.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for reading! Also, I really appreciate all the reviews!_

 _Gingeraffealene, yeah, Uther's spirit is not completely gone yet. But at least Arthur has left it behind. Thanks!_

 _Mersan123, thank you! I've always thought Merlin and Gwaine make a good team, it's never been easy to outsmart them :) And now Arthur has their back._

 _Vanvdreamer, I've always been interested in how their friendships could develop if things were different. I guess I went even deeper into it with this chapter. Thank you!_


	16. Tales of a Different Time

"Gaius, Geoffrey. What's the big news?" the king asked, as he walked into the council chambers, with Merlin trailing behind him.

"It is not so much about the news, sire," the librarian clarified. "It is more about history, or memories, that recent events brought back."

Arthur gestured for everyone to sit. After they settled down, he asked, "Be more specific, please."

"I know that Merlin told you about your father's dealings with Nimueh. But there is something, someone you are both unaware of. It may sound hard to believe now, but before the Great Purge your father was friends with another sorceress. Two, actually," Gaius explained somewhat hesitantly.

Arthur and Merlin's expressions suggested that they indeed found it unbelievable, to put it mildly. Then again, they didn't know that much about Uther's life before Igraine died. And oh, if they could get a coin for every question that just popped into their minds.

"Who was she? Were they close?" Arthur blurted out the first two that came to him.

"Her name was… is Luned. As you can probably imagine, she comes from a noble family. But she is also a descendant of powerful sorceresses, on her mother's side. One of the few people left who can call upon the power of the moon," Gaius replied.

He paused for a moment to take a breath and continued, "As for your other question, yes, they used to be close. Well, somewhat, keep in mind that it is Uther we are talking about."

"Are you suggesting she is still alive?" it was now Merlin's turn, though he was still barely able to shake off the initial amazement.

He had assumed that the former king was always against magic, and only made one exception, being desperate to have an heir. But, as usual, there was more to the story.

"For years, we had no idea what happened to her after the Great Purge. But after examining the crystal, Gaius started suspecting that it was made by her. We confirmed it by comparing the marks on some of the objects we had," Geoffrey lied out, interlacing his fingers on the table.

"How does that prove that she's alive? It could have been made long ago."

"No, we researched ways to determine it and found out that the base enchantment is recent. So, there is every chance that she is not only alive but in contact with someone from around here," the physician revealed.

Merlin nodded. "Alright. What I still don't get is why it is so important that you became temporarily insane. Isn't it more urgent to find the person who sold the crystal?"

"I suppose we got a little sentimental. But that is only a part of it," Geoffrey admitted.

"Well, what is the other part?" Arthur was beginning to get impatient.

"If we can find her, she could help with the new law. She is exactly who you need, one who knows a lot about life on the inside and on the outside," Gaius answered calmly.

The king bit his lip, bracing himself for the one question he was afraid to ask.

"Am I right to assume that she run away because of the Great Purge? If so, I don't see why she would want to be involved."

"To tell the truth, nobody knows the whole story. She had time to say her goodbyes, so at least we are sure your father spared her life. We have always assumed that she was given a chance to stay if she agreed to stop using magic, like Gaius, but she refused," Geoffrey recalled. "However, Uther never talked about it. Also, things started to fall apart sometime before that."

"Any idea why?" Arthur inquired, getting increasingly curious. After shaking off the surprise, he realized it was his chance to find out more about his father's past.

Gaius sighed. That part made the story infinitely more complicated.

"In short, Luned was very close with Vivienne, Morgana's mother. As you know, Morgana was born four years before you. Sometime after, Uther and Vivienne started having disagreements. I can tell you the full story later. What is important is that soon, both Uther and Gorlois, Vivienne's husband, were convinced that she was a danger to Camelot. She was banished," he recounted.

For once, it was Merlin's head that was about to explode. "If only we had time for each of the questions I have right now. This means that she had magic, right? Was she using it for the wrong reasons?"

"Of course she had magic, she gave birth to two high priestesses, Merlin. She actually was one, too," Gaius replied.

He took a while before answering the second question. "And she was quite unique at that. Unlike most high priestesses I came across, she didn't seem to abuse her powers. Of course, I couldn't know everything, she spent quite a bit of time out of my sight. But honestly, neither could Uther."

Arthur groaned softly. "At the risk of getting an even bigger headache. I get Camelot wasn't completely against magic then. But was my father really alright with Gorlois being married to a high priestess?"

His advisor bit his tongue to stop himself from saying that apparently, Uther was more than okay with Vivienne. Not only because it would be rude and inappropriate, but also because there were far more important things to discuss.

"He never understood much about magic, I'm not sure if he could tell the difference between a regular sorceress and a high priestess. She was from a good family, her magic didn't cause any problems, and she mostly avoided using it in front of the king. It took him quite a bit to even realize who Vivienne is. At the time, with sorcerers everywhere, it was all acceptable," Gaius explained.

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows. "Then, why did Uther turn against her like that? And why would her husband agree with that?"

Geoffrey and Gaius exchanged looks. They tried hard not to make this conversation about tarnishing what was left of Uther's reputation. Unfortunately, it concerned precisely the period when his darker side started dominating. It wasn't entirely without reason.

"Things became tense. As we now know, Vivienne and Uther had a secret. And she was holding onto another one, too. Only Luned and I knew that Morgause was alive. With her disappearing for longer than before and acting strange around both Uther and her husband, it was probably easy to convince Gorlois that she was up to something," the physician theorized, kind of avoiding answering the first question.

"Shouldn't your wife be the person you believe and protect above anyone else?" the warlock muttered.

Arthur raised from his chair, which scratched the floor with a painful screech. He walked to the window.

"Not when you are a knight, unfortunately. You are supposed to side with the king, even when he loses his mind," he replied sadly, remembering how many times he had to go with his father's insane ideas. At the same time, he wondered how many times people thought t "Why would my father do that to her, though?"

"Lady Vivienne was a lot like Lady Morgana," Geoffrey said with a hint of hesitation. "When she started spending time in the palace, she was cautious. She knew that Uther was not so quick to trust sorcerers, even before banning magic. But as she grew more confident, she became more outspoken."

"However, it was more complicated than with Morgana. Vivienne was not the king's ward, so in Uther's eyes, she had even less right to contest him," he concluded.

"One other reason is that for as long as she lived here, the former king saw Morgana as harmless, no matter how much she yelled. But her mother could easily hurt him. With her magic or by telling too much to Igraine, who he has just married," Gaius added.

Both older men looked as composed as always, sitting straight with solemn expressions on their faces. But they were fidgeting with their robes under the table, trying hard to use the right words.

"Uther was always big on eliminating threats, before knowing if they will actually become ones. Sorry, Arthur," said Merlin, apparently not sharing their concerns.

The king took a few steps back toward the table and put his hands on the chair's backrest. "No need to apologize for the truth."

"She did sabotage herself a little, though. Shortly before she was banished, she got sent to the dungeons, like Lady Morgana once was. She just walked out, tying up all the guards she came across, and went home," Geoffrey recalled.

"Right. I can imagine what that did to my father's mind," Arthur admitted. "But if she was banished, how come you seem sure that she is gone?"

"We can't be sure. But Morgause didn't mention her once, and she didn't come up in any of Morgana's hate speeches. It seems like she disappeared from Morgause's life years ago, and didn't tell the whole story of what happened to her here," the physician explained.

"But-"

"I think we talked enough about Vivienne, Merlin. At least for now. As interesting as it is, I don't see how it can help us now," Gaius interrupted.

The warlock seemed to express his protest by jumping a little on his chair. "I disagree. It helps to understand how the madness started. But whatever you say."

Arthur silently seconded him. It wasn't exactly the kind of information he wished to hear, but he felt like he needed it.

"So, to get back to the initial topic, the only point we were trying to make is that banishing Vivienne was the first blow to Uther and Luned's friendship. She was the only one who stood up for Morgana's mother," Geoffrey said with a chuckle.

If he was being honest with himself, diving into memories was why their research the day and night before took so long.

"Doesn't that give her even more reasons not to come back here?" Arthur suggested.

"Perhaps. But she's never seemed like that kind of person. Back when she was here, she was kind to everyone, and everyone loved her. We were all devastated when she was leaving. I guess that she only distanced herself so completely because she didn't want to witness all the suffering that was happening in Camelot," the physician replied encouragingly.

He couldn't help but let his mind wander to the last time he saw Luned.

* * *

 _(28 years earlier)_

 _Any half-decent physician, especially one who was no stranger to magic, knew that some herbs should only be collected at night. However, it was infinitely harder to convince oneself of the sensibility of such practices when going through the woods in the dark, feeling like an idiot._

 _For once though, Gaius considered it more attractive than staying in the palace. Between grieving the queen and having to guess which friend would he have to mourn next thanks to Uther's witch hunt, it was hard to find joy, or even peace of mind, inside the walls of Camelot._

 _Crouching, he was shoving aside different layers of grass, while trying to avoid tripping over his robe and falling flat on the face. And he almost failed, surprised by the clatter of hoofs._

 _He looked up and saw a hooded figure on a white horse, not really far away. There was no need to guess who it might be, only one person he knew wouldn't need a torch, able to use the light of the moon to illuminate her path._

" _Lady Luned, I didn't realize you would be leaving so soon," he stated when she was close enough to hear him._

" _You know that I've already said my goodbyes, Gaius. And the full moon is the safest night for me to travel," the sorceress replied, taking off the hood of her dark blue velour cloak._

 _The moonlight, which seemed to follow her around, underlined her pale complexion and played with reflexes in her dark blond braided hair. Her necklace, which featured a round emerald surrounded by two silver moon-shaped plates, matched her green eyes._

" _You of all people didn't have to go, Lady Luned. But if that's what you want, I wish you well," Gaius said with a small smile, after getting up and brushing dry leaves off his robe._

" _I do not know one person inside this mess who can afford to do what they want right now, or in the near future. Even Uther. Dark times affect everyone, no matter who and where they are," Luned observed sadly._

" _Maybe so. But the times weren't that good to begin with, it's not all his fault."_

" _I'm aware of that, Gaius. But this is not dealing with it, this is pretending the problem doesn't exist, running away, like a coward. And leaving a bloody trail behind."_

 _When the physician didn't reply, she added, "Anyway, I have to get going. I hope what he's doing won't come back to haunt all of you who stay."_

 _Gaius nodded his head. "Where will you go?"_

" _Someplace where this madness can never reach," she replied quietly, caressing the horse's neck._

" _Good luck then, Lady Luned, I will be thinking about you. We all will," the physician came a bit closer and bowed his head._

 _The sorceress hopped off her horse and gave him a quick hug._

" _Take care, Gaius. And look after the boy, with the mess his birth has made, he better be someone special," she teased._

 _Seeing his shocked expression, she decided to explain herself. "I apologize, it's too soon for jokes. Of course, he is not to blame. But do look after him, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. He will be the one doing the cleaning."_

* * *

"Alright, then it won't hurt to try. If you think it's possible to find her," the king decided, pulling the physician out of his daydream.

"We could start by finding the person who had the crystal, though, from Gwaine's description, he may not be the type to tell us willingly," said the warlock, tapping his fingers on the table.

"Stop this, Merlin, it's annoying," Gaius reprimanded, which made everyone roll their eyes. „Geoffrey and I will ask around, one of our old friends may know something. We'd never tried before since we had nothing to offer her back here."

* * *

"Gaius, what did someone like Uther talk about with a sorceress like Luned?" Merlin asked, when they were back in their chambers, eating lunch.

"I don't really remember, Merlin. About whatever was going on in the kingdom, and in the palace. They talked about magic, too. Even if Uther was never really interested, he had to make more effort when it wasn't banned. And she was friends with Igraine, so she kind of helped them get together," Gaius replied, putting down his spoon.

"Alright. I'm asking because I keep imagining Vivienne coming back from the Isle of the Blessed, having done things that seem weird even to me, and telling Luned about it, with Uther listening to them and drinking wine," the warlock shared his fantasy.

The physician laughed. "That never happened, I can assure you. Luned and Vivienne were not stupid, they would never brag about how powerful they are."

Merlin finished chewing and continued his little interrogation. "About that. Tell me more about Luned's powers. How are they related to the moon?"

"In all kinds of ways. Like you can use the power of wind or fire, but her connection with the moon is stronger. She can use it for healing, fighting, seeing the way at night, and many other things," the physician revealed.

"Does it work the same on any day of the month?"

"Good thinking," after over a half of the day of talking, Gaius finally found it in himself to compliment his former assistant. "It can be used every night, but it's the strongest around the full moon and the weakest during and near the new moon."

"So she doesn't have any powers during the day?" Merlin inquired, pushing away his plate.

"Oh, she does. They just work differently."

They carried on with their conversation for a while, with Gaius getting increasingly irked by the fact that between answers, he had no time to finish his meal. However, he still explained that having such powers came with responsibility. Namely, it required honoring different phases of the moon. According to the physician, the details about those celebrations were secret. He also said that such powers are only ever given to women, as they were strongly connected to feminine energy.

* * *

A few hours later, the king walked through the door to their chambers. Apparently, Merlin wasn't the only one whose mind went spinning after the morning conversation, though Arthur's reasons were entirely different.

"Gaius, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course, sire. Even if after all the talking today, I'll have to treat my sore throat," the physician complained.

"Well, it's private and not very pressing. I can come back another time," Arthur proposed, turning his body a little, as if getting ready to leave.

"Arthur, I was joking. And it was a bit inappropriate, I apologize. Have a sit. What do you want to talk about?"

The king sighed. "I've been meaning to come to you with this since Merlin suggested it a while ago. But I'd been putting it off, and after this morning, I decided it's the right time. I wanted to ask about my father."

Before Gaius could respond, Merlin raised from his chair.

"Hold off for a moment. I feel like I should leave you two to it. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the tavern," he announced, which took quite a bit of willpower since he was extremely curious what Gaius would say.

The two other men in the room eyed him suspiciously.

"I'm not up to anything. I'm really going, I'm hoping to find Gwaine there," the warlock threw on his way out, slinging a brown leather jacket onto his shoulders.

"So, I guess I wanted to know… what kind of person my father was before my mother died," Arthur started cautiously, nodding thankfully at the cup of tea that Gaius offered.

"You may be hoping for a different answer than the one I will give you. He was quite similar to the person you remember. And yet there were little things that made a big difference," Gaius started, deciding to tell it as it was, without enhancing the facts.

"I don't expect to hear that he spent days playing with unicorns. There was a time when I was desperate for something good, but now… now I'm ready to hear the truth."

"Don't worry, there was some good. It's hard to believe now, but while your father always saw magic as a problem more than anything else, there was a time when he was actually trying to do the right thing," the physician recalled, keeping his hands busy with organizing the vials on the table.

He soon stopped though, noticing that the occasional clanging of glass against wood, as well as colorful liquids moving fast in their eyeshot, were distracting.

"Why would he only see it as a problem if he was surrounded by people who used it for the right reasons?" Arthur sounded slightly exasperated. He couldn't figure out how what Gaius had said was good. And in that moment, he realized that deep down, despite what he'd declared, he still hoped for it.

"It was easier for him to focus on those who used it to do evil. Or safer. Surely you understand that magic was your father's worst nightmare. The only thing he had absolutely no control over."

Arthur sighed. "I'm sorry, Gaius, but I don't get how him being a coward is good."

The corners of Gaius's mouth went up almost imperceptibly.

"That's just it, for a long time he wasn't. I saw how tempted he was to try to make it all go away whenever he got a chance, but he kept resisting," he protested, though his voice remained calm.

Seeing that the king couldn't quite picture it, he added, "Let me tell you a story."

* * *

 _(30 years earlier)_

 _The week was just horrid, and nobody in the court, no matter how fond of magic, could deny that sorcerers and magical creatures were at the root of it. Dragons all but destroyed a town in Lord Godwyn's kingdom. It wasn't without reason, some of its inhabitants destroyed an egg and wounded a dragoness. Still, the massacre was vicious. In fact, dragons' revenge always was, which made people tremble in fear._

 _But that wasn't even half of it. No matter where one looked, there were disturbing incidents. Of course, not all of them had to do with magic. But those that did seemed much more dangerous, as did the raising resistance among those without such gifts. Just three days before, a large group of Uther's people gathered and attempted to attack the Isle of the Blessed, interrupting a ritual led by all nine high priestesses. More than anything, I was amazed by their foolishness, which, as could be expected, was met with severe, ultimate punishment._

 _That day, one of many trials took place, related to two deaths caused by magic. A young sorceress killed two bandits. That was her side of the story. Several members of the court pushed the king toward punishing her, claiming that the men were merely traders and the woman used them as a sacrifice, with her sad story being just a coverup. To make it worse, the testimonies were mixed; it seemed like at that point, it was impossible to get to the truth._

 _Despite all the misery around him, Uther felt almost happy. He was newly married, to the woman he loved, which was a rare occurrence among monarchs. It just so happened that his wife couldn't help but trust the sorceress. And she felt for her. She wished for every person in the kingdom to be safe, and she considered it everyone's right to defend themselves._

 _Somehow, some of her compassion rubbed on the king, whose heart softened lately. He ordered an unconventionally thorough investigation, particularly for such a small case. Eventually, they managed to discover which witnesses were biased and dishonest, and found additional proof of the woman's innocence._

 _As moving as it was for people like me, Igraine, and Luned, multiple members of the court were infuriated. Some were even whispering about the king being enchanted. Terrified and desperately wishing for magic to disappear from their lives, they waited until most people left the throne chambers, and proposed a bold move against sorcery._

" _My lord, some of us would like to make a humble suggestion," an elderly advisor spoke up. "The nine high priestesses are still at the Isle of the Blessed, and we know for a fact that they will spend at least the next ten days there. It is a perfect opportunity to make a statement, and bring them to justice. We would have to use the help of other sorcerers, but that should not be a problem."_

 _I was one of the few people left in the room, and my eyes instantly went to Uther. There were many apparent problems with the plan, but I could see how tempted he was. His understanding of both individual and combined powers of high priestesses wasn't very impressive. Still, the knew that the title carried respect, which made it a political opportunity. He could finally convince others, and, more importantly, himself, that he had the upper hand._

 _And it wouldn't be completely unwarranted. At times, the practices surrounding the triple goddess inevitably crossed the law, even when all her supporters were playing clean. They had their deeper reasons, but those were impenetrable for most of us. Anyway, since we were already going into darker times, most high priestesses were drifting further apart from serving the goddess. And when chasing after power for themselves, they grew more dangerous._

 _I knew that on some level, he already despised magic. But when he finally commented on the idea, he managed to bury that feeling._

" _We cannot do that. Believe me, there is nothing I would want more than to rule the kingdom without having to deal with sorcery. And I recognize that it would be a step toward it. But too many of my people practice sorcery or rely on it in some way, I am not prepared to send a message like this. It could not only lead to suffering but even to war," he stated firmly._

 _Even today, I can still remember the group of courtiers murmuring words of disappointment. Before we were dismissed, Uther added, "Please reflect upon the words I will say next. There is no honor in ambushing someone like that. We should not abandon our values like that. And last but not least, we cannot murder another member of this court in cold blood, while not having enough proof of her disloyalty."_

* * *

After the physician was done, Arthur couldn't decide if he felt comforted or utterly confused. He opened and closed his mouth a few times.

"Gaius, how does one go from that to-" he hesitated, almost calling his own father a monster.

"Love, grief, suffering, guilt. When put together, they have great, if sometimes terrifying, power," the physician offered, before taking a few sips of his tea.

"It would be so much easier to understand if he would show any of those. But while doing all those cruel things, he was cold like a stone," the king remarked, looking down.

"Like you, he was taught that showing emotions is a weakness. He had to find a different way to deal. It rarely ends well with people who have power over others."

Since Arthur was silent, the physician decided to continue. "But do not forget that you have memories of his gentle side too. Even if those moments were rare."

"To tell the truth, I'm not sure what I remember anymore. Did he care about me or about his legacy? Did he love Morgana or was he trying to ease his guilt?" The king admitted, grimacing slightly.

"It must be hard with all that comes to the surface now, but you shouldn't be doing this to yourself. There is always a way to twist someone's motives, but for all his faults, your father was definitely capable of love," Gaius said reassuringly, putting a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"I suppose a lot of what happened after my mother died is a sad testimony to that."

"In a way, you are right. I'm sure that to this day, some people are cursing the fact that King Uther married for love rather than convenience-"

Arthur gaped at him.

"Wait, your story suggested it, but I've only realized it now. I always assumed that my father fell in love with my mother after marrying her. Wasn't their marriage strategic?"

"Well, allow me to put it like this, there were more strategic choices. The house of Du Bois was respected but didn't have much power," Gaius chuckled fondly at the memory of the court's amusement after Uther cheerfully announced his engagement.

After all, there were only a handful of times when the former king's behavior could be described as _cheerful_.

"Again, I'm not sure if I should be pleased that he was human or angry, because he was a hypocrite," Arthur commented.

"You may also consider that he felt betrayed by love. That's why he pushed you toward a practical choice," the older man argued.

"Also, what I was trying to say earlier is that your father wasn't only acting out of rage. Things were difficult back then. And yes, he handled it poorly and unjustly, primarily because he wasn't the right person to make decisions that concerned magic. But if he didn't do anything, I'm not sure if you would have a kingdom to rule."

Arthur sighed. "I'm sure there is some truth to your words. But I have to confess that I could never figure out why you always defend him. I know he wasn't a great friend and I saw him mistreating you many times."

"I have yet to truly figure it out myself," Gaius laughed. "Maybe I'm just a sentimental old man. Or maybe I believe that there is more than people see to everyone."

* * *

 _A/N: A huge thank you for those of you who are still here. And especially to those who leave a proof of that :)_

 _Mersan123, yeah, Gwaine should also thank Arthur's new servant for being forgetful. Arthur and Merlin, however, should thank Gaius and Geoffrey for their good memory :) Thanks!_

 _Vanvdreamer, to be fair, Gwaine was also trying hard to hide it, so it's not all on Merlin. Thankfully a "coincidence" pushed them a little. Thank you!_

 _Gingeraffealene, thank you. I always liked the friendship between Merlin and Gwaine. Even in the show, they were always there for each other. But IMO Gwaine had more to do in that department, so now Merlin has the chance to come through for him :)_


	17. Once a Curse, Now a Blessing

"Guinevere, what's up with you lately?" Arthur asked, hugging her from behind.

They had just finished their lunch and both Wylie and Ella, the queen's handmaid, left them alone in their chambers. Gwen got up and attempted to excuse herself, explaining she would like to buy some fabrics in the market.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she replied, a little too quickly. She put her small hands on her husband's arms, which were interlaced around her waist.

"Sure, I believe you," he murmured into her hair, before lowering his head a little to kiss her neck. "Except that I don't. You've been distant."

There was a brief pause during which Gwen freed herself from Arthur's embrace and turned around to face him.

"It's not that something is wrong, I promise. It's, uhm, the opposite," she finally admitted, sounding slightly embarrassed.

"You are upset because everything is alright?" the king raised his eyebrows with an amused smirk, silently wondering if he would ever as much as begin to understand women.

„Of course not. What I mean is that… I'm bored, a little," she said, looking down.

Arthur chuckled softly. "First you almost yell at me for giving you more responsibility, and now you say you are bored."

"Well, it's a different kind of bored. And, before you call me insane, it's also not because things are good."

"What is it, then?" he inquired, sitting on the edge of the bed and patting the spot next to him, inviting his wife to join him, which she did.

"Remember how things were when you were a prince? I know that Camelot is a better place now and that we can be together, at last. I'd never want to change that. But… I miss the things we did," Gwen blurted out, not looking him in the eye.

"You mean things like breaking into one of Cendred's castles on a suicide mission to rescue your brother or running away to defend Merlin's village while being vastly outnumbered… and outskilled, if that's even a word?"

"Precisely," she grinned, relieved that he understood and that it didn't seem like he was getting ready to send her to Gaius anymore. "Or even when no one but me believed Gaius and Merlin's insane ideas, which always turned out not to be insane at all, and I got to do something."

Arthur took her hand and turned to her.

"I get where you are coming from. But you probably realize that involving you in some missions would be… complicated," he said, and she nodded. "There might be something you can do, though."

Her face brightened as she looked at him expectantly.

"You could be in charge of finding the person who sold those idiots the crystal. You would need to come up with a plan and oversee the whole thing," he proposed. "Of course, you can ask Merlin or Gaius for help, whenever they are free. Or any of the knights."

"Great, I'm in. I will start right away!" Gwen exclaimed. She gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you!"

"You too. It will actually be a big help."

* * *

Driven by excessive enthusiasm, Guinevere didn't take long to formulate the plan. Two days later, she already enlisted Merlin's help in the first step to its execution. And so, they were sitting in her room, on the floor, with the warlock wondering if it was possible to drown in the queen's jewelry collection.

"I wish we could just use something from Gaius or Geoffrey's stashed collections," the king's advisor complained, not really seeing anything that could give the right impression. Or, in other words, anything that didn't look suspiciously royal, thus screaming "I'm a trap!".

The idea was for Merlin to enchant a few pieces of her jewelry so they could be used as bait. Hardly anyone knew that Tristan was a knight, which made him just the right person to ask around and try to find a collector he heard about. Mainly because he used to be a trader of sorts, so he knew how to act to seem believable.

"They gave you many reasons why not, Merlin," she reminded calmly. "Although I'm fairly sure the only real one is that they are afraid to lose them."

The warlock sighed and opened another silver casket. They were quiet for a while, listening to the rattling sound created by their rummage.

"Oh! This will be just perfect!" Merlin gushed, holding up a bracelet that didn't look too… royal, and bore some interesting marks.

However, his face fell as quickly as it lightened up, as he saw the queen paling and her brown eyes welling up with tears. "What's wrong, Gwen?"

She lowered her, suddenly troubled, gaze onto her lap and mumbled so quietly that the warlock barely managed to make out the words, "I-I was s-sure I g-got rid of it-t."

"Well, you have the chance now. Why though?" the raven-haired man frowned at her with a mix of curiosity and worry.

"I'm sorry, Merlin, but I don't really feel like talking about it," she replied curtly, not lifting her eyes.

"No worries. I didn't mean to pry."

He set the bracelet aside and continued scouring through the cases.

A few minutes passed, and if the warlock attempted to cheer her up and make conversation, the chance for the truth to finally come to the surface might have been lost again. But he didn't, and in the midst of slightly uncomfortable silence, something shifted in the queen's heart and mind. She never talked about the events that led to her banishment. Yet, she still thought about them way too often for her liking. At first, shortly after she came back, it would haunt her all the time. It eventually subsided to a few moments here and there, but those were always the worst minutes of the day. She allowed herself to feel a faint hope that talking about it would help.

She had no idea how much.

"Uhm, on second thought, I want to tell you," she said in an unusually shy voice.

Merlin stopped digging through her jewelry and looked at her encouragingly.

"It's just that I still feel awful about… about betraying Arthur. I know he's forgiven me. And I know that we are both happy. But deep down I can't forgive myself. And it all started with this stupid bracelet, he, Lancelot, came to my house and gave it to me," Gwen stuttered out.

She knew that her friend never judged her. In fact, he was the only one who openly offered her sympathy after the king's decision. Still, she couldn't help nervously biting her lip and grasping the fabric of her crimson dress. After all, there was not one person as loyal as Merlin, which made it hard to discuss her disloyalty with him.

But while she didn't know what kind of reaction she expected, she certainly couldn't anticipate what happened. Merlin bolted up, throwing a few necklaces off his lap.

"Gwen! That's great! More than great!" he shouted, grinning widely.

"Forgive me for asking, Merlin, but have you hit your head when I wasn't looking?" the queen glared at him. She had just poured her heart, and she didn't appreciate him not taking it seriously.

"No, I'm sorry, I really mean it… it's just that I'm so excited that I can't find the words to explain," the warlock said, blushing faintly.

"Better find them quickly."

"Right… Well, a good place to start would be that the person who came back wasn't really Lancelot. Morgana revived him using necromancy, so he was a being entirely under her control," Merlin revealed.

"How can you be sure? And by the way, that makes it even worse. I cheated on my fiancee with… a demon? A ghost?" she interrupted as soon as her friend paused to take a breath.

"Be patient, my lady. I was suspicious from the beginning, you can't just come back from the other side of the veil, from being dead. Then, it turned out he didn't remember I have magic. And he would never forget, he was one of the few people who knew. So, with Gaius's help, I found a spell that proved it," he continued, his expression turning more solemn.

"Why did you keep quiet about it?"

"Back then, Arthur wasn't exactly open to my theories. Actually, with Agravaine around, he was less open than ever. And my only real proof was the spell, I couldn't really use it. Usually, my best chance at those things was to expose or quietly stop them before the final damage was done. That time, I kept looking in the wrong direction, I thought he was after killing Arthur. When I realized what was going on, it was already too late," Merlin said, his body tensing a little as he shifted his weight from one foot to another.

"I'm sorry, Gwen. I kept telling Gaius we should try to talk to Arthur. He made a good point, though, it wouldn't make a difference without evidence that you didn't do it willingly. And we only have it now," he added, his tone eventually switching to joyful again with the last sentence.

"We do?" the queen asked hesitantly, but also somewhat hopefully.

"Yes, we do! Everything he did while being controlled by Morgana had the purpose of destroying your relationship. If he gave you the bracelet, and then it all started, it must have been enchanted. I can feel that it was, too."

Gwen rested her elbows on her knees and put her head in her hands. "So, I'm really not to blame…"

The warlock lightly squeezed her shoulder. "No, you aren't. Listen, I can finish this alone. You should go and tell Arthur."

The queen raised her head and gave her friend a watery smile. Then, she threw her arms around his neck. "Thanks, Merlin."

He hugged her back, all the joy he felt when he realized what the bracelet meant returning to him. The conversation wasn't easy. It brought back many painful memories, along with several what ifs. But those few awkward moments were so worth it.

* * *

Merlin and Gwen were so eager for Arthur to hear about their discovery, it completely clouded their judgment. The queen pretty much jogged to the throne chambers, only to realize it would hardly be appropriate to do what she wanted. Which was, to be precise, crashing the free man ceremony and revealing the newfound truth to everyone present.

Even after the ceremony ended, Gwen had to wait until her husband was done with the final test for three aspiring knights. After all, she couldn't just tell him during a half an hour break. Eventually, she managed to drag him back to their chambers, ordering the guards on their floor not to let anyone in.

They sat on the windowsill, moving their gazes between each other and the gloomy afternoon sky. The queen repeated everything that Merlin told her, or at least she tried to. As her excitement mellowed down a little with all the waiting, her voice was calm and steady. The king didn't interrupt her once, too shocked to ask questions, or as much as think them.

Even after Guinevere finished, Arthur had no idea what to say. He wasn't entirely sure what to think either. More than anything, he felt relieved, but in a strange kind of way. As if a burden was lifted off his chest, one that he didn't remember he was caring. He did truly forgive his wife, and unlike her, he didn't dwell on what happened anymore. Still, it felt good to get rid of shadows of doubts, even if he no longer acknowledged they existed. And to be able to remember Lancelot as a great knight and friend he was, without a dark undertone to those memories.

He was also relieved that things ended up the way they were supposed to, despite Morgana's interference. And grateful that a coincidence (and Merlin) helped the truth come out. But on some level, he was also angry. That he came that close to losing his love for good over some stupid scheme. That so many people, particularly Gwen, suffered because of it. She had to abandon her friends, lost time with her brother who died not so long after. And on top of it, Lancelot's reputation was tarnished, possibly beyond repair, considering that people always pay more attention to the bad news.

Arthur pushed away those thoughts and gently maneuvered his wife's body, so her back was resting against his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, brushing her hair to the side and wrapping one arm around her waist.

"It's not your fault," she replied, turning her head slightly to look him in the eye.

"Maybe I could have realized that something was up, for all the times it happened before. Anyway, I wasn't really apologizing. I'm just sorry you had to go through that," he clarified, nuzzling into her neck.

"What's done is done. The important thing is that everything worked out well in the end. And that we now know the truth."

That day, they didn't come out of their chambers again. Not to tell the guards that they could let people in again. Not to announce that they were ready for dinner. As they told themselves, even the king and the queen were allowed to briefly disappear from time to time.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gaius and Geoffrey went on a little trip. Even though they had never talked about it until recently, they knew that despite the ban, sorcerers never disappeared from Camelot. Of course, throughout the years, some met an unfortunate end. But those who could truly keep their head down, who were fine with staying in the shadows; those were still out there. Most would be impossible to track even for them. However, there were a few former friends who had trusted them with their location, under the condition that they would avoid ever using that knowledge unless it was absolutely necessary. Or safe again.

One of such people, a sorcerer who specialized in uncovering lost magical knowledge using various spells and objects, lived around half a day ride from the citadel, at the foot of the Mountains of Isegard. Admittedly, his gifts were limited, he couldn't get to the most ancient and most powerful ways that gods and other higher beings decided to bury. Still, there were a good few useful things he brought back. Back in the day, Gaius and Geoffrey admired his thirst for knowledge and dedication, which is why they both befriended him. At times, he would work for years just to discover one spell, which was part of why they respected him so much. He didn't use magic to take shortcuts. The physician and the librarian might have even done a thing or two to help him remain unnoticed and escape during the Purge.

Anyway, the sorcerer was also a friend of Lady Luned, who worked with him on researching an old ritual performed every new moon. Since he lived relatively close to the palace and they could safely go alone, without risking he would have a heart attack upon seeing the knights of Camelot at his door, they agreed they should start their search by paying him a visit. In fact, both of them were silently overjoyed that they found an excuse to do it.

If their calculations were right, they were just about to reach his house, which was in a hidden spot far from the tract, behind a small forest with a few stunning oak trees. To tell the truth, they started feeling slightly anxious, in a way anyone who hadn't seen their friend for almost three decades would. Was he even alive? Was he still the person they knew? After all, Uther's doings made many seemingly decent people turn dark.

"Well, Geoffrey, I suppose this is it," Gaius pointed at two plain wooden houses in front of them, both relatively big. There was another large oak tree standing right between them, and they were surrounded by a few weirdly-shaped rocks.

"It looks rather impressive," the librarian admitted, hopping off his horse.

They tied up the horses and cautiously approached the door, their robes and cloaks rustling on the grass.

"Ready?" the physician asked quietly, raising his fist to knock on the door of one of the houses.

"I guess so."

As there was no answer, even after three attempts, they moved to the second one, mumbling about how they hoped their journey wasn't for nothing.

It took a while, but eventually, they heard some sounds coming from the inside. Shortly after, the door opened very slowly, revealing a familiar, if visibly aged, face. They instantly felt better, seeing a pair of lively bright blue eyes staring at them. Their owner had a grey beard that reached just below his neck. His hair was slightly shorter. Even though his tawny face was wrinkled, there was still something youthful about it. His simple outfit, which consisted of a dark green shirt and deep blue pants, only emphasized it.

"Good Gods! Gaius! Geoffrey! Is that really you? What are you doing here?!" the man exclaimed.

"Hello, Talfan. Good to see you, too. We came to ask about someone," Geoffrey said.

"Alright, whatever it is, follow me to my house, this is my workshop," the sorcerer went out and let them to the door they checked first. As they were all stepping in, he turned around. "Wait, are you sure it's safe? I assume after all those years, the king doesn't watch your every move anymore, Gaius, but I prefer to be sure."

The physician smiled, taking off his cloak. "Do not tell everyone yet, Talfan. It isn't official, but it's safe again. King Arthur is going to lift the ban, and he actually sent us here. Well, he doesn't know about you, but the question is on his behalf."

"Oh," Talfan sighed. "Not only do I get a visit from old friends, but they also come bearing good news. So, the young king doesn't take after his father?"

Both guests finally took a moment to look around the house. Like the exterior, the inside was very simple. It seemed that the sleeping area was behind the curtain on their far right. Just next to it, there was a small table with bowls and towels. Apart from it, the space was filled with a few pieces of plain wooden furniture. A wardrobe, some hanging shelves, one long table near the wall, filled with kitchen vessels, pots, and vegetables, with herbs hanging above it. There was another table, a round one, closer to the middle of the room, which they were soon invited to sit at. It was right next to the fireplace. There were also a few storage barrels.

The room was remarkably neat, with very few objects lying around, almost all of them purely practical. The only things that could pass as decoration were several objects that actually served as magical protection, such as feathers, tusks of some magical creature, and crystals. Apparently, all the research, which tended to be messy, happened in the workshop.

"You wouldn't believe he is Uther's son, Talfan. It took him a while to accept magic, but in the meantime, he knighted a few commoners and married a serving girl. And he is always first to risk his life to spare any of his people," Gaius resumed. "But you don't live under a rock, after all, many years back, you told us you wanted to live inside Camelot, but near Helva. You really don't know any of this?"

Talfan gestured for them to sit and busied himself with preparing the fire. He also lit a couple of candles in the brass candle holder on the table. Even though there was still some daylight outside, the room was rather dark.

"I heard that he is a good king. But I didn't pay attention, it didn't make that much of a difference to me with magic still forbidden. Would you like some tea?"

They both nodded gratefully.

"How is your wife, Talfan?" Geoffrey asked, noticing that two cups were already on the table.

"She is well, thank you for asking. She left this morning to run some errands in Helva," the sorcerer explained. "And to visit our sons, who live there now."

"That's good to hear."

"What about you? How is your life in Camelot?"

"Eventful," the physician said, stretching his legs under the table, as he felt a little sore after the ride.

"To be more elaborate, while I've been leading a peaceful librarian life, Gaius has pulled quite a stunt on both kings," Geoffrey smirked.

Talfan raised his eyebrows, visibly amused.

"Some years back, he took a boy under his care. He quickly became Arthur's servant. The thing is, until three months ago, Gaius didn't tell a soul that the boy is Balinor's son. And at least one of the most powerful warlocks to ever have lived."

The sorcerer chuckled. "I suppose we should all be thankful that the secret outlived Uther."

He put their cups in front of them and sunk onto the chair next to Geoffrey.

"Most definitely. But we have many stories to tell. Some of them dark. You must have heard that Lady Morgana turned out to be Uther's daughter and a high priestess, and almost destroyed Camelot. Some of them funny. Like Uther falling victim to an enchantment and marrying a troll," the physician recalled, taking a sip.

The librarian muttered something that seemed to include words _Gaius_ and _goblin_.

"Alright, you will tell me everything over dinner. I assume you are staying since it will be dark soon. Now, why are you here?" Talfan inquired, his bright blue eyes looking at them curiously.

"Thank you, we will gladly stay. We are looking for Lady Luned. It came to our knowledge that she is alive. And we thought she could help with the new law, as part of the new council that the king is assembling," Gaius replied.

"She probably could, but I doubt the king needs her help badly enough to go through all the effort that would be required to find her. If it's even possible," Talfan said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Well, in a way, needing her help is just an excuse. The king would like to meet her, ask about his father, try to make amends. She was one of the few people who ever got close to Uther. And Geoffrey and I would really like to see her again," the physician clarified.

Talfan bit his lip. "My answer is still the same. You aren't the only people who would like to find her, and it seems that it would take a lot of persistence even to find a lead."

"So, I take it you haven't seen her at all since you both left? We hoped that she settled in one of the places where magic is allowed, in Odin's kingdom," Geoffrey admitted, slowly realizing that their task may be even harder than expected.

"Her works are often delivered to Helva. Possibly to other places, too. I tried to pass a letter to her a few times, through people who brought them. But they all said they have never met her and they are only allowed to pass requests. Apparently, it all goes through several different people, and I doubt any of those actually meet with her," Talfan explained, running his fingers along cracks in the wood on the table.

"The only thing they told me is that it seems like the journey starts North East from here," he added. "And if that's true, she would have to be in Murcia, the north part of the Lot's Kingdom, or-"

"Or Perilous Lands. Were we talking about someone else, I would consider it the least likely choice. But somehow, among the three, it feels like the only possible one for her," Gaius interrupted.

"I was thinking the same. But that makes finding her even less likely. Unless you are willing to risk a lot with little chance of succeeding," the sorcerer said.

"Oh, I'm certainly not going there. And I guess you are right, it's not reasonable for anyone to go looking for her. Unfortunately, there are some people in Camelot, the king included, who are usually anything but," the physician put his hands on the table and interlaced his fingers. "Anyway, why would she go through so much trouble to isolate herself?"

"She must have been that angry with where this world was going. Though I suspect that there was more to it than we know," Talfan answered. "Now, have you finished your tea? If so, come see what I've been working on."

* * *

 _A/N: A huge thank you to all of you who keep reading! Especially to those who take time to review._

 _Vanvdreamer, Gaius and Geoffrey are waking up to the fact that friendships that were ruined by Uther can be revived now, and they are in full-on sentimental mode :) Thank you!_

 _Mersan123, I always wished that we got to know more about that time. I wanted to know if there was any reason to Uther's madness. Thanks!_

 _Gingeraffealene, yeah, nobody frustrated me more than him. But I figured he can't be that bad. Thank you!_


	18. The Wisdom of the Forest

"Arthur, can I talk with you for a minute?" Leon asked, catching up with the king as the latter was leaving the training grounds.

"Sure. What is it?" the blond-haired man slowed down, letting a few young knights pass them by, and turned to look at his friend.

"Well, I was thinking… You and Merlin are going to the druids tomorrow, aren't you? I was wondering if I could come with," Leon replied, sounding slightly hesitant about questioning the king's choice to only take his advisor.

"Why? I know their camp is within Lot's Kingdom, but we thought that since it's so close to the border with Camelot, we should be safe on our own. Do you disagree?"

"No, it's not that," the knight looked down, kind of embarrassed, with a faint shade of pink appearing on his cheeks. "But you're right, there's no need for me to go. It was a dumb-"

"Wait. I didn't say that. I just want to know your reason," Arthur was starting to feel confused by Leon's weird behavior.

"I realized it's stupid though. It was personal, I wanted to go because they saved me all those years back. But that doesn't mean I should disrupt your plans."

The king nodded. So much happened around that time, that he completely forgot about how his father even found out that druids had the cup of life. To tell the truth, out of his closest knights, Leon was the most reserved one, rarely letting himself to express his feelings or as much as talk about himself. At least in front of him, he seemed to try hard to always be a soldier, a person on duty, more than just a person. And while Arthur could understand it better than anyone, he also knew how hard it was to live like that. He didn't want his knights, especially not ones he considered friends, to feel like their personal needs and opinions didn't matter to him, even though they repeatedly risked their lives on his behalf. For that reason, he was silently glad that they were having this conversation, as it gave him the opportunity to try and do something about it.

"Leon, let me make something clear. I know your career in Camelot goes way back, and things were different when my father was king. But I don't just see you as my knight, you are a friend too, and you've proved it enough times. You can do and say things for personal reasons," Arthur said as they were crossing the courtyard, with people bowing to the king as they passed him.

"Thank you. Still, I shouldn't meddle with your plans like that, it's not appropriate. I was out of line," Leon argued, not looking the other man in the eye.

Arthur chuckled. "No, you were not. You can always ask. Of course, I will refuse your wish if it endangers the kingdom, but somehow I doubt you could ever propose anything that did. And you going with us to the druids is hardly a risk to Camelot."

The knight was silent, still flustered by the conversation.

When they finally reached the palace door, Arthur spoke again. "We leave at dawn. And tell Gwaine and Percival they are in, too, we can visit a few outline villages on our way. With how peaceful life here has been, I'm worried they will become rusty."

* * *

"It pains me to say this, but I'm afraid we've become boring," Gwaine stated after two hours of riding in silence, just after they emerged from the woods that were surrounding the castle.

"Or, we are tired and sleepy. But you are right, one of us has been out of form lately," Percival teased, nudging the dark-haired knight, which made both of them lose balance and almost fall off their horses.

Arthur and Leon exchanged looks, shaking their heads and smirking. Merlin, however, bit his lip, knowing that given the circumstances, which were probably unknown to Percival, his comment might have been a little hurtful. And there was more story to Gwaine's words, too. In the last few days, both the king and his advisor had some trouble communicating.

The former felt overwhelmed by lifting the ban, already realizing that there will be issues with certain rulers, like King Olaf or Lord Bayard, and generally anxious about the chaos that might ensue. To make it worse, he was also nervous about visiting the druids, considering his and his father's history with them. The king knew that those were precisely the kind of things he should be talking about with his advisor, but he didn't want Merlin to think he was having doubts. It was the opposite, he regretted it wasn't done a long time ago, or that the law didn't treat everyone justly, to begin with. Of course, his quiet days had the opposite result, with the warlock interpreting them as the manifestation of the king's second thoughts.

Even Leon was stressed that day. Despite being eager to meet the druids again, he couldn't be sure if they weren't upset with him. After all, he involuntarily caused them trouble by revealing that they had the cup.

And so, after the brief interaction, they continued to ride in silence. For the most part, their trip was quite uneventful. While still in Camelot, they had decided it would be better to find the druids first and leave the outline villages for later. Knowing that the druids camped in the southern part of Forest of Merendra, they rode along the river that led to The Feorre Mountains, which were located nearby. The terrain that they were passing had a calming effect on them, with the only sound and movement coming from the flowing water, the gentle wind, and birds.

* * *

As soon as they crossed the border near the foot of the mountains, Merlin felt something that he couldn't quite describe. A magical presence that was familiar and yet he couldn't place it, as if it was concealing its identity on purpose. He wanted to explore it or, at the very least, to try to focus harder on it. However, his contemplation was soon interrupted violently, with an arrow plunging the tree just a few inches from his head.

"Bandits! Take cover!" Arthur yelled, hopping off his horse.

While, especially with Merlin's powers, the situation didn't seem particularly dangerous, they all knew they had to be extra careful that time. Just before leaving, the king and the warlock informed the knights that they would be carrying something very precious, which required special protection.

More arrows flew their way. Merlin looked out from behind a large hornbeam tree. His eyes flashed gold and caused most of the arrows to change direction. It seemed that several of the bandits were thrown off by that. Arthur and Leon both caught glimpses of brown, grey and black, which were moving the opposite way. They weren't stopping behind trees, so the outlaws weren't only trying to hide from their own arrows, but also from the person who made them turn round. Still, a good few of them were running toward them. Perhaps they didn't even notice what Merlin did, blinded by the adrenaline rush.

The four knights drew out their swords. They quickly assessed that there were seven bandits coming their way. Unfortunately, they all looked like they knew what they were doing. However, the knights had an advantage - not wearing anything that bore the crest of Camelot, they could probably surprise the bandits with their skills. And, of course, they had Merlin.

The warlock stayed behind the tree, calmly watching the ensuing chaos. He saw Percival quickly taking down a dark-haired man, who approached them first, and throwing him with full force on another to knock him down. Meanwhile, Arthur was fighting with two bandits, his sword slewing so fast, it was making Merlin dizzy. The king's advisor considered helping with that one, but it seemed like his friend was more than capable of handling it on his own. The criminals weren't half bad with their weapons, which still made them way too slow to threaten Arthur. Soon, Percival joined in to help with one of them.

Gwaine and Leon were also well on their way to defeat their opponents. It appeared that the situation would be resolved in a matter of minutes, without Merlin's further intervention. But there was one particularly sneaky bandit left, who managed to stay unnoticed even by the warlock. Just as Gwaine was about to throw a final blow, he appeared behind, his blade getting dangerously close to the dark-haired knight's neck. Merlin almost panicked, taken by surprise, but he quickly collected himself. The attacker was thrown onto a nearby tree with a loud bang. Only then Gwaine realized what happened, and shot his friend a grateful look.

In the next few minutes, all the bandits were down. Arthur brushed off his jacket and pants.

"Merlin, have you forgotten that we know about your magic?" he teased.

|Yes, that's why I made the arrows turn round and crashed a man onto a tree. And, tied the horses without touching them. It was all very discreet," the warlock rolled his eyes.

"I try to only use magic when there's no other choice. Anything else would come dangerously close to proving your father right," he added more seriously.

The king nodded. "I'm not sure if bandits require such honorable treatment. But I guess life could become pretty boring otherwise. Let's go."

* * *

A few hours later, they finally reached the area where the druids were camping, at least according to Merlin's intel. It was already growing dark, and with a slight fog hanging in the air, they had to lit their torches quite a while ago. Unfortunately, on that occasion, there was no way for them to pinpoint the exact location of the camp and the druids weren't the easiest people to find. The warlock silently counted on them coming out to meet them on their own. He didn't dare to say it out loud, as it sounded a bit crazy, considering their history with Camelot. Still, he hoped that somehow, they could sense their intentions. Or, at least, what they were carrying.

Apparently, he was right. Soon, they noticed shapes of hooded figures in front of them and on their sides, slowly encircling them. Leon, who was riding at the front with Arthur and Merlin, observed that unlike them, the druids knew the woods so well, they didn't need torches. Not really familiar with their customs, he wondered why they decided to welcome them like that. He pulled the rein, anxiously awaiting the reception.

"Arthur Pendragon. It has been a while since you last sought us. What brings you here?" one of the druids spoke up, as soon as he came close enough to be heard and seen.

Everyone but Percival quickly recognized him as Iseldir. And they were all relieved that he didn't sound hostile or scared. Merlin wondered why, realizing that possibly, the question was a pure courtesy, with the chieftain knowing or sensing why they came.

"Iseldir," the king got off his horse, followed by all of his companions, and bowed his head. „I wish to ask you something. But before I do, I would like to give back what I once took forcefully. I apologize for all the trouble I caused by that, and for all the suffering my father and I brought upon you and your people. There is no excuse for it, and I realize it is not something that can be easily forgiven, so you have no reason to hear me out. But I hope you will."

The druid chieftain was silent, as was everyone else. Arthur couldn't tell if the druids were surprised, angry, favorable, or none of those. They just stared at them, their calm eyes shining beneath their hoods. He turned to Merlin, who passed him a long leather pouch. The king swiftly unwrapped it and took a few slow steps toward Iseldir, handing him what was inside.

Arthur and his advisor spent long hours discussing if they should return it. If they told any other member of the council that they were as much as considering it, not to mention admitting their plan to any other ruler, they would be called insane. But deep down, they both felt there was only one right choice, only one way to fix at least a small part of Camelot's messed up relationship with the druids.

"Thank you," Iseldir held up the gift for all of his people to see. Finally, many of them showed some emotion, looking utterly astonished. Several of them could predict many things, but they didn't foresee the king of Camelot bringing them the cup of life.

"No matter how you came to possess the cup, it must have been a hard decision to give it back. I greatly appreciate it, not only because of the cup's value, but because it shows your goodwill and trust," the chieftain continued.

Arthur let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. During their travel, he got so consumed by his dark thoughts that he forgot how forgiving and peaceful the druids were, according to the stories he heard.

"As for your apology, Arthur Pendragon, it is true that my people were mistreated and hurt by your father and, to a lesser extent, you. But you endured a lot at our hand as well. More than once, you were nearly killed by a druid. Regardless of your undoings, it is unforgivable, too. So, I'd like you to know that I accept your apology on behalf of my people, and I hope you can accept mine," Iseldir finished and took out his hand.

"I am grateful. But you do not need to apologize. You are not to blame for their actions like I'm not responsible for what bandits in Camelot do," the king replied, shaking the druid's hand.

Iseldir looked at him solemnly. "It is a bit more complicated than that. You spared Mordred's life and entrusted him to me, and I let him out of my sight too easily. But it is not a good time to dwell on it. Please come dine with us at our camp. Then we can talk."

* * *

Neither of the guests had spent enough time with the druids to know how they were doing everyday things, such as having meals. Merlin came quite close when he followed Morgana to Aglain's camp, but the search party from Camelot cut his visit short. Leon did, too, but he was too eager to get back home and too shocked that he was resurrected to stick around long enough and pay attention.

So, it was the first time for all of them to experience dining like that, and they couldn't help but notice how different it was from what they were used to in the palace or in their homes. The residents of the camp all participated in preparing the meal, though they refused the guests' help. They ate together, sitting on the ground, with a huge, flattish rock serving as their table. Plates and cups they used didn't match, and some of them were weirdly-shaped or made of unconventional materials, but all looked beautiful, with carefully crafted ornaments.

Food was also different. The druids prepared a simple meal, which consisted of venison stewed with wild fruit and a lot of herbs, and some bread. Merlin spent a brief moment wondering how their hosts were getting supplies that couldn't be found in the forest, before remembering that even he knew that they traveled to the cities from time to time. Perhaps it was more often than he thought.

Before the unexpectedly enlarged group started eating, Iseldir and a beautiful middle-aged woman, who the guests presumed to be his wife, stood up to say a prayer, followed by everyone else. The chieftain's companion had thick dark-blond hair that reached all the way to her thighs, even when they were braided. Her plait descended down her right shoulder, at the front of her body, creating folds on her deep green cape. She had a pale complexion, her face being slightly wrinkled, which only added to her beauty. However, what truly caught everyone's attention was her emerald eyes, which expressed her wisdom, sensitivity, strength, and so much more that would be difficult to put into words.

"We send our gratitude to the triple goddess, and all the other goddesses and gods for having the opportunity to share this meal together, for living another day in unity, abundance, and good health. We give our thanks to all the spirits of this forest, who watch over and support us," Iseldir started.

"As well as to all the elements, to water, fire, air, and earth, which all helped us to prepare this meal. And to the animal and plants, which sacrificed themselves for our survival. May this food and water bring us strength and health, and may our and our children's plates and cups always be full," upon finishing the last sentence, the woman gestured for everyone to sit down and start eating.

As she began to put food on her own plate, she turned to the guests, who sat on the chieftain's right, and said, "I apologize for not introducing myself before. My name is Ganna, I am Iseldir's wife. And this is our daughter, Gaia."

A younger woman on her left bowed her head. There was a strong resemblance between them. Merlin didn't notice the daughter before, but as soon as he did, he felt captivated by her eyes, which were similar to Ganna's, while also having something more playful about them.

Each of the guests introduced themselves as well, after which everyone finally focused on their food. Leon couldn't help but look around curiously. Throughout the years, the knight often thought about the druids. He wondered who they really were, realizing that things that he heard in the palace were tainted by Uther's prejudice, which for a long time appeared to be inherited by Arthur. Even though the knight used to have his doubts about lifting the ban on magic and he didn't hide them, at least not from everyone, they were never rooted in the belief that everyone who used magic was evil. He was only concerned that it was so powerful and those who used it for the wrong reasons could do unimaginable damage while taking almost no risk.

But that had nothing to do with the druids, who, as long as they stayed faithful to their traditions, were far less dangerous than the average knight. And, considering that they saved him, especially with all the changes going on in Camelot, he was excited to see how they lived. After all, the only person with magic he ever had the chance to observe was Merlin, and for the better part of the time he knew him, the king's advisor did everything to appear like a regular person. Even if he came out as anything but.

Weirdly, in many ways, the druids' camp seemed more _normal_ than the life he knew. Unlike people in Camelot, they appeared to only own and use things they truly needed. Each family owned a simple tent of sorts. Even when sitting at the _table_ , with the big fire that their hosts started to make dinner and torches that surrounded the dining area, Leon could peep into the two closest ones, which were left open. Apart from improvised beds, all he could see were clothes, a few items that struck him as magical, a couple of self-made toys, and a book or two.

As for the outside, there were only some clotheslines. Also, next to the dining area, there was a space that apparently served as both a kitchen and a pantry, with two large cauldrons and several other utensils, as well as some food stocks. It was surrounded by ropes with drying herbs hanging from them. That space was the closest to the river, probably to make it easy to bring in the water needed for cooking. A bit further from the camp, there was a rather big, rounded space, which Leon couldn't see in the dark. It was shielded by deep green fabric all around, only it had no roof. There were also two large stones marking the entrance, with druid symbols on them. It served as the temple.

Anyhow, as far as Leon could tell, the druids made do without so many things and activities that people in Camelot occupied themselves with. And that likely saved them a lot of unnecessary worries. It certainly seemed so when he listened to them talk. They sounded refreshingly straightforward and relaxed, not having to consider the etiquette or dwell upon what's appropriate. Even though Leon got the impression that there was some hierarchy among them, it didn't affect their interactions. Iseldir and his wife were clearly at the top, but they still chatted with everyone in their group as if they were all equals. And while the knight knew that his place was in Camelot, he felt like people in the city, especially the court members, could learn a lot by spending some time with the druids.

"You two make for a great company today," Percival mumbled.

He was squeezed between Gwaine and Leon, who both didn't say a word neither during the meal nor when everyone started chatting happily after they were done eating.

"It's not like you are much better," the dark-haired knight nudged him on the shoulder.

Iseldir smiled slightly, watching their brief interaction. Then, he turned to Arthur. "So, what did you wish to ask about?"

The conversation instantly quieted down, which was quite incredible, since some of the druids sat quite far from the chieftain and certainly couldn't hear him. They must have picked up a signal from him non-verbally.

The king took a deep breath. It was way harder to say it to Iseldir than to Anhora, even if the former made it clear that he didn't hold a grudge.

"Well… I decided to lift the ban on magic. But I want to do it the right way, which is why I am forming a new council. I would like you to be a part of it. I realize that you have no reason to help Camelot, you don't even live on our land. But your wisdom would be invaluable and no one could know better than you how to make things right for your people," Arthur said, his tone a little less confident than usual.

"You sound like you are still apologizing. There is no need for any more of that. And I will gladly help you. I would not miss the opportunity that my people awaited for many years," the chieftain answered, his smile reaching his eyes. „Thank you for considering me."

With a much lighter heart, Arthur explained a bit more about his plans. In the meantime, some of the druids excused themselves and went back to their tents.

As he was talking, Percival had to fight hard not to fall asleep on the rock that served as their table. When the king was finished, and the conversation seemed to be over for the night, the knight was prepared to jump up and find a place to rest. But before he had the chance to, Iseldir spoke up.

"I can sense that you feel overwhelmed, Arthur. You are right to think that the path to uniting the old ways with the new will not be easy. What you put in motion goes far beyond the law. And as you try to restore the balance and the energy of the land moves, new challenges and enemies may arise. But you are also making a mistake thinking that people with magic will continue to judge you by what your father did and taught you, or by what you did in the past. The way may not be smooth, but you will not have to walk it alone."

* * *

Just a few moments later, the king, the knights, and Merlin all got up from the table, intending to go back to their horses and find a place to camp nearby.

"Wait, where are you going? My wife and daughter already prepared a place to sleep for all of you," Iseldir stopped them.

Then, he turned to Merlin. "However, Emrys, you may prefer to go somewhere else tonight."

The warlock looked at him, surprised.

"Something was revealed to us a few days ago. Frankly, we were slightly confused, as this knowledge did not seem relevant to us in any way. But now I am convinced that we are supposed to deliver the message to you," Iseldir made a brief pause, before continuing. "We got to know Kilgharrah's dying place. It is nearby, in the Feorre Mountains."

Merlin gulped. If he was being honest with himself, even though he knew the dragon was about to die soon, he kept trying to push the thought and the feelings associated with it aside. He had been choosing to pretend that nothing changed, which was easy considering that he didn't actually need to summon Kilgharrah. But he couldn't avoid facing the depressing truth any longer.

"Are… are you sure it's alright for me to go and be with him? I did feel something when we were near the mountains, but he did not reach me," he said quietly.

"He did not, because it is not your duty or obligation to do it. But it is alright, we know stories of it happening in the past. More than that, it is probably important in some way. Otherwise, we would not get to know the location," Iseldir explained in a calm, sympathetic voice.

Merlin nodded and bit his lip, bracing himself for what was inevitably coming next.

"Care to explain what's going on? Who's Kilgharrah?" Arthur asked, when his advisor finally turned to him, anxiously fidgeting with his fingers.

"I thought we were past you being scared to tell me, us, something," the king added, picking up on Merlin's nervousness. The raven-haired man almost chuckled, realizing that it was the only story he couldn't bring himself to tell, despite wanting Arthur to know. And he wasn't even sure why. Anyway, he had so many opportunities to do it. At the moment, he had no choice, and it was the worst possible time to explain it.

"The dragon. The one that attacked Camelot a few years back," the warlock said in a barely audible voice.

Both Arthur and Leon gaped at their friend.

"I assumed you killed him when we were all unconscious," the former stated calmly, with the latter realizing he was even more behind on what was going on. As for Gwaine and Percival, they quit trying to understand it. Of course, they heard about the dragon attacking the city to get back at Uther. But they weren't there and with Merlin's revelations continually rewriting history, they decided it was pointless to attempt to follow the conversation.

"I'm sorry, I probably misled you. When we talked about that day, it seemed like too much for that conversation, and then, the moment was never right," the raven-haired man admitted, resisting the urge to lower his gaze to his shoes.

When the king didn't answer, he continued. "But I couldn't kill him. I just discovered that I'm a dragonlord, how could I kill the last dragon? At the time, I thought he was the last. Besides, if I did kill him then, none of us would be here now."

At that point, even Gwaine and Percival raised their eyebrows, silently cursing the fact that they were unlikely to hear the whole story right away.

"Alright, you can explain later," Arthur said after a brief moment of silence, beating his own curiosity. He straightened his back and added, "If it's important, go. Take Gwaine and Percival, I have to be back in the palace tomorrow evening."

Merlin nodded gratefully, thinking hard about how to express what he needed to say. He knew it wasn't a particularly good idea to bring two knights who Kilgharrah has never met to his dying place, but he didn't want to push his luck or come out as rude.

"You should go with him, Arthur," Iseldir stated in a quiet but firm voice. They all looked at him, amazed that he was still there. It seemed like he didn't move at all in the last couple of minutes and didn't make the slightest sound, which made him almost blend with the forest that they were surrounded by.

The king's first reflex was to explain why he couldn't, but he refrained from it. "Why?"

"You did not have to come to us in person. You are not the kind of king that rules from the safety of his palace, caring more about laws and decrees than about people. It is not enough for you to change the law, you wish to understand magic. And there is hardly a better way to do it than meeting a dragon who is thousands of years old."

Iseldir sighed softly before continuing. "I would not suggest it if it was the only reason, though. Those would not be the appropriate circumstances for that. However, Kilgharrah played an important role in your life. I believe you should meet him."

Merlin, lightly kicking the soil with his shoe, pondered on the chieftain's words. Things were taking an unexpected turn, but he had to admit it did make sense. In fact, he couldn't believe it had never occurred to him how weird it was that Arthur and Kilgharrah had never met, at least not while being conscious and without trying to kill each other.

"Thank you for sharing your perspective," the king shot Iseldir a grateful look and turned to Leon. "Change of plans. Spend the night here with Percival and Gwaine, and head back to Camelot in the morning. There, please welcome the guests with the queen, and try to keep her calm enough about this that she doesn't kill me when we come back."

* * *

 _A/N: Oops, it's been a while since I updated this story. Life has been pretty crazy lately. But the druids are here, finally. I've always loved Iseldir and couldn't wait for the opportunity to include him more. (I know that he and his people lived in the cave in the show, but I seem to remember that even in the show, the druids were said to change locations of their camps and I made this one look more like Aglain's camp, the one that Morgana visited when she was seeking answers about her magic.) Also, I've been thinking about the chapters with Kilgharrah for a really long time and I'm glad we are finally getting there, I hope you like it. Anyway, a huge thank you to those who are still here, and I'm very grateful for all the reviews._

 _Gingeraffealene, yeah, for me, the scheme in itself was a regular Morgana's move, but the fact that the truth never came out was really painful. I'm glad you liked the new faces and the stories behind them. Thanks!_

 _Vanvdreamer, I'm happy the nightmare is finally behind her. Thank you!_


	19. When the World Crumbles I

Even though both Arthur and Merlin felt the weight of the conversation that they needed to have during their relatively short ride to the Feorre mountains, for some reason neither could bring himself to break the silence.

"So, why does talking about the dragon make you so anxious?" the king asked eventually, as they were riding through the dark forest.

"I guess I will get to that. But it's not the only reason why I've never really mentioned him before. It all seemed too complicated, and there were so many things to explain," Merlin replied, wincing as he crashed into a branch that he failed to notice.

"Better start now, then. The ride won't be that long."

"Right," Merlin sighed loudly. "Well, actually, there were a few times when I spoke about Kilgharrah, I just didn't name him. Starting at the beginning, he was that someone who told me that I'm destined to… be stuck with you."

Normally, Arthur would probably laugh or retort back. But he was too shocked, and he was about to feel a lot more of that in the coming hours. "How? The caves where my father kept him are hardly the first place a person goes when they arrive in Camelot-"

"He called me. In fact, he was calling me from the day that I arrived, but it took me a while to figure out who the voice belonged to and how to find him."

"Why was he calling you? And why did he tell you that?" the king inquired, looking at the road in front of them, which got wider as they emerged from the forest. It was slightly easier to see without the trees blocking the moonlight.

"At first I thought he was bored. Then, I assumed he was simply increasing his chances of ever being free, and working for the benefit of all those with magic. Now I know that while that was a big part of it, nothing was that simple about his actions. At least not for our human understanding," Merlin explained calmly, before taking a sip from his waterskin.

Next, encouraged by Arthur's questions, the warlock told him about all the times he came back to the caves to seek advice and how Kilgharrah spoke in riddles and never gave him a straight answer. Still, all the insanity aside, his words would always be helpful.

The king couldn't help but wonder how his friend must have felt, when he came to a foreign place, as a boy, completely alone, and jumped right into dealing with the last living dragon and having to take responsibility for overcoming any magic-related danger that surfaced in Camelot.

"Weren't you scared?"

Merlin chuckled. "I thought you didn't like to talk about fear. Anyway, I was a little… intimidated the first time. After that, I had too many things to be scared of. And each time I came to him, it was because he was my only hope of overcoming them. So, I didn't mind, at least before it all got complicated."

"Complicated how?"

They could see vague shapes of the mountains in front of them. When they were riding through the forest, their conversation was accompanied by multiple sounds - owls, cracking branches, rustling leaves. However, at the moment, apart from their voices, they could only hear the clatter of the hooves. It kind of seemed as if they were traveling through the void, with nothing but the emerging mountains to fix their eyes on.

"I told you about the time when my mother almost died. Well, I blamed him for misleading me, and I said a few nasty things. I fully intended never to visit him again… which was unbelievably foolish. The next time I run back there to ask for help when Cedric got possessed by Sigan—" the warlock stopped, slowly getting to the part he felt uncomfortable with.

"He made you promise that you would free him? I may have a history of overlooking the obvious, but I'm not that dumb. I figured it must have been you," Arthur cut in.

"You don't sound angry," Merlin observed, mildly surprised.

"It's not like me trusting the wrong people didn't have dire consequences. And it appears like you didn't get much choice," the king admitted. He intended to look his advisor in the eye, but the latter was too focused on the road ahead.

"You can't compare that. You are the king, you are allowed to make such mistakes," the raven-haired man argued guiltily.

"If we are going today, you didn't really make a mistake, did you?" the king insisted. He almost found it funny that he had to defend Merlin from himself, that wasn't a typical way for the argument between them to pan out.

As his friend was silent, Arthur added, "I remember that he attacked right after Morgause cast a sleeping spell on everyone in Camelot, and revived the Knights of Medhir. I assume there was a connection. If he didn't help, we would all be dead anyway, no?"

"When you try, you aren't a total clotpole," the warlock teased half-heartedly. "But yes. And the truth is, if he didn't continue helping us after I released him, we would all die more times than I can count."

"I doubt any of us could die more than once, Merlin. Do tell though."

"Well, did you ever wonder what happened to Agravaine's people after they caught up with us in Ealdor? Or how we got to Avalon after Camlann? And that's only a small part. He healed me when Morgause left me to the serkets and a few years later when I was wounded by the Saxons. He helped me and Lancelot escape the dorochas and played a part in defeating the immortal army…" the king's advisor recalled, though under the circumstances, bringing back all the memories was kind of painful.

As the terrain became bumpier, they slowed down a little. Even though they had yet to do any climbing, when looking up, the warlock could swear that the stars and the moon were closer than usual, perhaps because there was so little to distract for them, and the mountains seemed to be a bridge to them.

"I'm growing more and more pleased that Iseldir convinced me to come. But I'm confused, too. One thing is that I keep finding out about all those crazy things that happened to you. But I guess I'm almost used to it by now," the king rambled.

"You can relax, I don't think there are many revelations left. Your small mind should be able to handle it. What's the other thing?" Merlin asked with a smirk. His friend couldn't see it, but he didn't need to to know it was there.

"Idiot. Explain this, then, since your mind is so huge and wise. The dragon helped us so much. Why did he also try to kill us?"

"I told you, I could never completely understand him. I think my father might have had a better idea of how dragons' minds work, having spent more time around them. My best guess is that staying loyal to the dragons, avenging their deaths, was more important than anything. And he couldn't get to your father without destroying everything that was in the way," the raven-haired man offered, maneuvering his horse on an increasingly curvy road.

They entered the mountains, passing a small pine coppice, though they didn't pay much attention to it. Their horses' hooves kept clashing with the stones on a rocky path, which was slowly growing steeper.

Arthur nodded, more to himself than to his companion. "How do you know which way to go?"

"I can feel his presence. I did even before we visited the druids, but until we talked to Iseldir, I didn't recognize it was him and wasn't focused enough to pinpoint the precise location," Merlin explained.

They rode in silence for a while. Soon, they reached a point from which it was more challenging to continue on the horses than on foot.

"You know, all that doesn't sound so complicated. I'm not sure if I get why you were so reluctant to talk about the dragon. If anything, now everything makes more sense," Arthur said, as he finished tying up his horse to a trunk of a maple tree.

"You are saying that now, after all those talks. But right after Camlann, there was so much to fill you up on… Well, I didn't want it to be too confusing," Merlin sighed, gathering food, blankets, and anything else that could be needed for however long they would stay up in the mountains. "And… I wanted you to really hear all those stories. I guess I was worried one would overshadow another."

The king nodded, not entirely convinced that there wasn't more to it. If anything, including the dragon would make some of the stories less puzzling. He decided not to push, though.

"Anyway, I have a weird confession to make. When you tell me about magic and when we meet those who have it, in many ways, it's less confusing than… most other things. Like, talking to the druids is so much easier than talking to most people in the court, without the games and pretenses," he admitted after a brief pause.

"Oh. I suppose it's best to warn you now. I wouldn't say talking to Kilgharrah is easy. As I said, for a long time, he only spoke to me in riddles. Sometimes, I would come to him with no minute to waste, and he would keep teasing or mocking me before actually giving his advice. And often, it took me quite some time to make any sense of what he said," the warlock replied.

Since they set from the druids' camp, he was trying his best to keep his emotions in check. But at the moment, thinking of how the dragon toyed with him, he couldn't help but feel a surge of sadness that those times were truly behind.

"Well, I thought that's the way you like to talk," the blond-haired man elbowed his friend very lightly.

They were climbing through a thick forest, or at least it seemed so in the dark. Once again, the trees took away some of the moonlight. The road was steep, and from time to time, one of them interrupted the conversation with a sudden curse. At night, it was an impossible task to avoid occasionally tripping over a root or an unexpected rock.

"With you, yes. But I'm less wary of making you angry. You can't burn me with your breath."

* * *

They had just finished hiking through a particularly rocky part, which was a bit demanding with all their baggage and the torches. Thankfully, somewhere midway, after his foot slipped and he almost fell down for the third time, Merlin realized that he could make the light float next to them.

The road in front of them became encouragingly flatter again. The raven-haired man announced that their destination was very close. Looking at what was probably the last bit of forest on their way, the king was about to suggest that they should collect the firewood when they pass it. However, when he turned to his friend, Merlin was no longer next to him.

"What's the matter? Why did you stop?" Arthur asked, eventually spotting the warlock leaning his back against a precipice, about two inches away.

Merlin bit his lip, his hand grasping a bump in the stone wall. "I can't go there… I mean, of course, I will, I have to, but… it's hard."

The king walked over to him and also rested his back against the rock, their shoulders nearly touching. At least, Merlin started sounding a little more like himself. During their earlier conversation, the blond-haired man felt that the tension was so thick, he could probably cut it with his sword. All that his advisor said seemed restrained, with a lot of bottled up emotions beneath it. And that made Arthur think of the times before his friend revealed his secret. It wasn't like the new Merlin at all.

Obviously, given the situation, he didn't mind. In fact, he was holding back a bit, too. When the warlock asked him why he wasn't angry, he answered almost entirely truthfully. From a rational point of view, there was no reason to hold it or anything the younger man did under extreme pressure, against him. But when it came to the two of them, logic wasn't what guided most of their conversations. And so, Arthur could easily see himself reacting more rashly, thinking first about all the people who lost their lives rather than those who were saved. Or, making a few not so subtle jokes.

That night, though, the king did his best not to let his emotions speak before his brain could process them, whether the matter was serious or just a part of their usual banter. Shortly before they left, when Merlin was busy telling Leon all that he should know before Rodin and Mithian's visit, Arthur was approached by Iseldir. The chieftain wished him a safe journey and seemingly out of nowhere, mentioned that saying goodbye to Kilgharrah will be hard on Emrys. And then, he was gone. Albeit taken by surprise, the blond-haired man was grateful. While, in a way, it was obvious, with all the revelations, he might not have realized it on his own. And since Iseldir did him this unexpected favor, he vowed to himself to make good use of it. Whatever was about to happen in the coming hours or days, he would be a friend, not a king. And not the kind that expresses sympathy by throwing things and insults. (Admittedly, the former was out of the question anyway, as it became a dangerous game after he found out about Merlin's magic.)

"Let's stop for a bit. Ten minutes shouldn't make any difference," Arthur suggested, sliding to the ground.

The warlock joined him, with confusion painted all over his face. No jokes about acting like a girl? No demands to explain further? Somehow, not being asked to made him actually want to open up more.

"You might be right that it was more complicated to avoid telling you everything about Kilgharrah. And I did it not only because I felt bad that so many people died because of my decision. I know I had no choice," Merlin admitted quietly, fidgeting with the straps of his backpack.

"Why then?" the answer was easy enough to guess, but the king felt the need to encourage saying it out loud.

"It was more about trying not to think about him too much. It was easier to trick myself into believing that nothing has changed and there's just no need for me to summon him. But if I focused on him too much, all I could remember was that he was dying."

Merlin took a deep breath. "And you don't have to say it. I know it sounds dumb."

"I've heard you say dumber things. How long have you known that he is dying?" Arthur asked, taking twigs and leaves out of his jacket.

"For a while. Shortly before Mordred's betrayal, I was out in the woods that were full of Saxons. I got wounded by a poisonous arrow. Many things happened, but in the end, I had to call him so he could heal me."

Arthur had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking what was important enough to warrant going alone to the woods packed with Saxons. At that point, he realized that whatever his friend was doing must have been necessary, though explaining it at the moment apparently wasn't.

"When I woke up, I instantly noticed that something was off with him. I wanted to help, but he said that there was nothing I could do and that his time to go was coming," Merlin finished, his voice breaking slightly at the end.

"But you did see him again, didn't you? After Camlann?"

"Yeah. I tried not to summon him anymore, so I waited until there was no other choice. Well, we were probably beyond that point, I thought about it a few times along the way, but something kept stopping me. Intuition, maybe," the warlock rambled. He collected himself and added, "Anyway. He not only got us there, but he was also part of the circle. He told me it was his last bit of powerful magic. And we said our goodbyes before it began."

The blond-haired man quietly pondered on his advisor's words. He didn't find it bizarre that the dragon was more involved in their story than he initially thought. Or maybe he did, a little bit, but that kind of odd appeared to be his new reality. What truly surprised him was the lengths to which the dragon went to help them and the depth of his bond with Merlin. He might have been suspecting the latter, but it was only turning out to be right now.

"But I shouldn't have settled for that. He isn't only a dragon who I used to help us because I could command him or because he was the only one with the answers. He is a friend, and for a long time he was the only one I had who could understand magic," the warlock broke the silence, his hand subconsciously grabbing a stone and digging a small hole in the soil with it.

"What about Gaius?" Arthur blurted out faster than his mind managed to decide if it was even a relevant question, under the circumstances.

"With Gaius… it's different. He knows a lot about magic, but he isn't made of it. For him, it's a choice, he doesn't feel it all the time. So, there were things even he couldn't understand, while Kilgharrah could. At least once I summoned him just because I had no one to talk to," Merlin explained patiently.

The king nodded, thinking back to all the times he wished he could see his father again, just because only he could get what he was going through in certain situations. Obviously, it was different, less elemental, and those times were gone, as were most of his warm feelings toward his father. But still.

"How could you not settle for it, though? You really had no reason to summon him. Wouldn't it be… I don't know, inappropriate to call him just to see him, knowing that you could be disturbing his passing?" he suggested. A thought that they should probably get going crossed his mind.

"I guess so. But it still seems wrong. If it weren't for Iseldir, I would never tell him that you are about to lift the ban. And few did more to make it possible than him."

Right then, Merlin felt a familiar sensation in his head and heart. It was quite similar to when druids were about to communicate non-verbally with him. However, he could tell the difference anytime. The voice he was about to hear would be stronger and less composed but in many ways more familiar.

 _Young warlock, do you honestly think that I do not know what you two have been up to? Or, for that matter, that I cannot hear you when you are talking minutes away from me?_

Arthur watched Merlin's eyes grow wider and a hint of red creeping up his cheeks. Despite his tolerance for mildly weird having increased significantly, he couldn't decide if he should be amused or worried.

 _As much as I appreciate both of you coming, being forced to eavesdrop your teary conversation is starting to get on my nerves. Get yourselves here already, please._

"Just my luck, as soon as you give me a break about acting like a girl—" Merlin muttered, supressing a laugh. Then, he noticed that his companion was scratching his head in confusion, looking about ready to declare him mad. „Nevermind. Will explain later. Let's go."

The king jumped to his feet and brushed off his clothes. Shaking his head, he decided all he could do was to rush after his slightly insane (and certainly unpredictable) best friend.

* * *

If Kilgharrah's intervention in Merlin's head lightened the mood, it was only temporary. Soon after, the two men reached a broad, flattened top of the mountain, both carrying as much wood as they could, with their torches still floating next to them. Even though the peak was huge, Kilgharrah occupied almost a quarter of it. Arthur heard his friend gulping at the sight of the dragon looking so vulnerable. The king wanted to do something comforting, but his hands were busy, and he quickly decided that it wasn't the time for words.

After learning what Kilgharrah did for them, even he felt a pang in his chest, comparing the image of a fierce, lively creature he had in his mind with his present condition. However, what initially distracted him from his own sadness and worrying about Merlin was a sudden, astounding realization that he could also feel… magic. Over the years, he met his fair share of magical beings, including two dragons. Was that sensation always there and he just never noticed, numbed by ignorance or simply too focused on the job he had to do? Or did the fact that Kilgharrah was dying somehow make it easier to perceive, as if the energy leaving his body infused the air around them with magic? Anyhow, he felt as if everything was vibrating, both inside his body and mind, and outside.

He wasn't sure if it felt disturbing or… interesting, and weirdly _right_. In any case, as alluring as the prospect seemed, it wasn't the best moment to explore it. With some effort, he pulled himself together. He heard the sound of wood crashing into the soil and rocks, and saw Merlin slowly, almost hesitantly, walking toward Kilgharrah. The dragon was sprawled out on the ground, his wings lying flat on each side of his massive body, his head turned to the left. He was trembling slightly, which would soon make both the king and the warlock feel as if they were in the middle of a small earthquake. From time to time, they would also hear surprisingly quiet groans that still seemed to pierce through their bodies. But even in that state, Kilgharrah appeared gracious. Perhaps many respected or feared him because of his strength, which was fading. However, Merlin knew and Arthur vaguely sensed that the essence of his greatness lied in something much more profound, something impossible to describe and that couldn't be touched even by his nearing death.

Just when Arthur thought he should make himself useful and got busy with preparing the fire, his advisor took the last two steps to close the distance between himself and Kilgharrah, not quite sure what to say.

"Hello, young warlock."

Even though it wasn't the first time he was called _young_ that night, all of a sudden it made him annoyed. How was it fair that he had to say goodbye to his friend who lived for thousands of years when he was still _young_? He instantly scolded himself for being childish and petty when he was supposed to… well, he didn't know yet, but the purpose of him coming was certainly something else.

"Hello," he answered grimly.

"Do not be so sad, Merlin. I spent enough time here to look forward to moving on. Everything happens how and when it is supposed to," Kilgharrah sounded weak but calm and reassuring.

The warlock looked him in the eye and despite his best intentions, couldn't stop the wave of protest that was rising inside him. "Does it? If I— if I did what you told me to, you would live to see magic back."

Arthur tried not to listen, but he wasn't far enough, especially when Merlin's voice was raised. The king wondered what choices his friend had to make, to live with. Thinking back to their conversations, he figured that they were about Mordred and Morgana. But it seemed almost obvious that another one involved his father, the former king. And the thought sickened him.

"Young warlock, you seem to forget that I am much older than the Great Purge, much older than Uther would be today. For hundreds of years, I lived in a world where magic was free. I fought for this change, but it was always about something bigger than me. So, do not blame yourself. Things take however long they take," the dragon said patiently.

"Regardless, I'm sorry. And grateful for all your help," Merlin insisted. He raised his arms and dropped them back to his sides, still confused about how to act.

"It was a pleasure. Though I am not sure if your company tonight will be, something tells me that you will not be very entertaining," Kilgharrah teased, bringing a breeze of normalcy.

Arthur had to resist the urge to snort. Apparently, it was Merlin's fate to befriend those who made fun of him, even on death's door.

Even the warlock couldn't help rolling his eyes. "But seriously, are you alright with us being here? Can I do anything?"

"When the time comes, you will know. We will talk more later. Now, I'd like to speak to the king."

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for reading! Uff, it didn't take so long this time, I chose to pretend that I'm less busy than I actually am :)_

 _Mersan123, thanks! I partially based it on my fantasies of how I'd like to live :) And on those few people are know who still live simply and close to nature. Also, I always felt it was wrong that Arthur didn't get to talk to Kilgharrah._

 _Vanvdreamer, the line came to me because my brain almost tricked me into separating Kilgharrah who attacked Camelot and Kilgharrah who was helping Arthur and Merlin. And for a moment I thought Arthur and Kilgharrah never met before Camlann :D As for Leon, it always interested me how he might feel about the druids, so I'm planning to explore it even you!_

 _Gingeraffealene, thank you! I figured that Arthur has to address the violent way in which he took the cup, and it was a good way to show his trust and pure intentions. And I couldn't just leave it at Merlin not even knowing if Kilgharrah was still alive or sensing that he's just died in the middle of eating breakfast (also, as said above, I felt that Arthur has to properly meet him at least once._


	20. When the World Crumbles II

If Merlin wasn't sure how to act, there were no words to describe Arthur's confusion when he approached Kilgharrah. Up until very recently, he wasn't even sure if dragons could talk, or if it was just an element of the bedtime stories that Gaius used to tell him whenever he got sick as a child. Thankfully, it appeared that conversations with dragons closely resembled those with particularly stubborn and witty humans. As soon as Arthur thought that, it dawned on him that from what he heard so far, Kilgharrah sounded a lot like Merlin. And that didn't help him one bit. Like his friend said before, it wasn't that easy to hold his ground when talking to a dragon, much less in their current situation.

So, at a rare loss of words, instead of greeting the dragon verbally, he made do with bowing his head.

"Hello, Arthur Pendragon. I am pleased that you found your way here. For all the things we went through together, even if you were unaware of that, it would be a shame not to have even one conversation," apparently, Kilgharrah had no trouble finding just the perfect way to express himself.

"I am glad to meet you as well," the king replied, thinking that if someone told him he would say that a year ago, he would send them straight to Gaius. "I am sorry it has to be in such circumstances."

"What is it with the two of you. All I'm hearing is 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm sorry'…" the dragon attempted to fake a yawn, but he coughed a bit instead, which made both men jump a little.

"Right. I'm- Uh, point taken. I swear I'm almost done with it. But first I need to say one more thing. I'm sorry for what my father did to you and your kind. And for believing it was right for so long," Arthur blurted out, at the risk of getting the creature frustrated.

Kilgharrah made a strange sound, which could be anything between a groan and a laugh. Merlin, who also couldn't help overhearing his two friends talking, grinned to himself. It was a rare sight to see the king so abashed. Sure, he was always a little perplexed when meeting people with magic (at least those who didn't spend years as his servants). But the dragon brought it to a whole new level.

Then, the warlock's face fell. He realized that had things been different, Kilgharrah and Arthur would have many interactions and the three of them would go into the new reality together.

"That is one of the reasons why I wanted to talk to you, Arthur. You have spent enough time living in the past and blaming yourself for your father's crimes. It is not children's responsibility to answer for them and yet you keep doing that," the dragon replied, making Merlin gape into his lap. That certainly wasn't a typical Kilgharrah line.

"That might have been true if it didn't take me that long to see through his ignorant, hateful ways. But I killed for what he stood for, so the responsibility is mine as well," Arthur argued, looking straight into the enormous golden orbs, even though the energy and wisdom emanating from them was quite unsettling.

"Well, we all did misguided things, there is little point in dwelling on them endlessly. Dragons are not particularly understanding, as you might have noticed. But we know the meaning of loyalty, even if it is to Uther," Kilgharrah admitted, once more shocking Merlin.

Before the king could react, the dragon added, "Also, surely, those with magic suffered at his hand. But both his and their, our, actions caused you at least as much pain as we had to endure. How many painful deaths you almost died to pay for his crimes or for the lies he fed you? How many times your loved ones or your people got hurt over it? You prevailed but not thanks to him. In his denial of magic, he repeatedly sent you for certain death, to the pyre that those wanting revenge meant for him."

Kilgharrah's words were harsh, and initially, Arthur wasn't sure if they made him feel better or worse. They definitely offered a fresh perspective. Not long ago, he considered himself a victim of those who possessed magic. Then, his world turned upside down, and he started thinking of them as his and his father's victims. Only upon hearing those words, he started seeing a fuller picture. Which, of course, sent his mind spinning, and he passed another opportunity to comment.

"In the end, no side is blameless," Kilgharrah paused, and Merlin wondered if it was because of his weakened state or because he found it difficult not to pin everything on Uther as he tended to on any other occasion. "And the only reason why I am admitting this is that it is not the time for you to doubt yourself. You have set on a path that holds many surprises, both beautiful and hard. But you cannot walk it out of guilt.

"And you cannot go forward with your head down, apologizing with every step. You need to look around and feel whatever is coming. Neither of you knows how much is yet to happen, how the energy of the world will change.

"But to finish what you started, to make things better, you need to have faith in what you are doing, in yourself and in those around you. Not one person is there by accident. Not even Gaius."

Just a moment ago, Merlin couldn't shake off the thought that Kilgharrah didn't sound like himself at all. Had he ever talked so much before? And up until the last part, his speech was astonishingly straightforward. But as soon as he ended it with an insult to Gaius, the warlock's impression was gone. Who else but Kilgharrah could have ruined the moment like that. (Well, if he was being sincere, that club had three other members. Himself, Arthur, and Gwaine.)

Understandably, the joke was lost on the king. He barely heard it, pondering on the dragon's words. In the future, both he and Merlin would spend hours trying to make sense of some of them. Or they would remember them at various stages of their journey. Perhaps it wasn't until then that they felt the real weight of their destiny, which went beyond changing the law or the battles they fought. And it seemed scary and exciting at the same time.

At that moment, though, Arthur quickly put those thoughts aside. Above anything else, he felt grateful. For Kilgharrah's honesty, for him not holding grudges, and most importantly, for the dragon even taking time to talk to him when he was dying. To Iseldir for nudging him to come, and to Merlin, though he couldn't quite put into words for what. It crossed his mind that perhaps, he was just grateful to magic. He used to think it made everything complicated, but wasn't it the other way round? It was those with magic who treated him like a human being, not a crowned puppet. And it was them who told him things that mattered, instead of what he wanted to hear or what was appropriate.

He voiced some of his feelings, thanking Kilgharrah and bowing his head once more. "I only wish I could repay you for everything you've done for me, even today."

This time, it was definitely a chuckle that shook the dragon's tired body. And, seemingly, the earth around him. With some effort, he raised his head a little, "All bad and good considered, I think we can call it even. And it looks like, apart from finishing what we started, you will do one more thing that will please my spirit. It surprises me greatly that I could only sense it tonight."

The last two sentences were only meant for the king, so Kilgharrah whispered them and made some noise with his right wing, which was closer to Merlin. Arthur knew what it was about, though it amazed him how transparent his thoughts could be. Anyhow, if his mind was the key to it, no wonder that the dragon didn't feel it before. After all, it had been over twenty years since he last thought about it. And he wouldn't dare telling Merlin until he made sure that it wasn't just a joke. But that was for another day.

* * *

When the warlock walked to Kilgharrah again, his heart felt heavy and his legs wobbly, not just because the mountain appeared to be shaking. He knew it would be their last conversation.

"Merlin. I hope you will appreciate the irony because I am about to start by saying something unexpected, I might have failed to think my earlier statement through," though Kilgharrah's gaze was serious, there were also twinkles in his huge eyes. "I have to apologize."

Arthur was on his way to go down a bit and bring some more wood. It was the last thing he heard, and he barely managed to hold off his laughter until he wasn't in the hearing range anymore. He couldn't say about his friend, but he did appreciate the irony.

And Merlin did too, raising his eyebrows. "That's a first," he teased but didn't manage to stop a bitter thought from entering his mind. _And last._

"I suppose you might be right. But I should not joke about this. I am sorry for neglecting Aithusa. He was supposed to help you, to bring you good fortune. I told you that, and I made you hatch him right away. And then, I made a mess of things," Kilgharrah admitted.

The warlock smiled sadly. Out of all the things that they did together, that was the only one that backfired. Quite spectacularly.

"I probably messed up, too. At the very least, I could have forced him to get away from Morgana. Even now, I can't tell why I didn't. It was hard to feel a connection with him. And I was too worried about Mordred, and not sure if I wouldn't be abusing my power as a dragonlord.

"But he wasn't really free anyway, so that's a bad excuse. And to think that it almost ended with Arthur's death-" Merlin stopped abruptly.

"That, you could have prevented. Which does not change the fact that taking care of him and teaching him was my responsibility. I let him off my sight and didn't even look for him," Kilgharrah said, his eyelids dropping slightly.

"How did it happen, anyway? If you can tell," the warlock asked and instantly regretted it, hearing the dragon's pained groan.

"Well, each dragon is different. Some don't really need nurturing. One can usually tell by how they behave, if they want to separate early, they tend to do well on their own."

At that point, Arthur came back from the woods and reoccupied his spot by the fire, trying to be as quiet as possible. Merlin utterly focused on listening, didn't even notice him.

"They will still occasionally come to ask for help or to learn, but that may not happen for decades. Of course, there is a matter of learning to talk, but they know our language by heart. Anything else, they can normally pick up from all kinds of creatures, not only other dragons," Kilgharrah continued patiently, his voice surprisingly clear.

"Aithusa seemed like that. Even so, young dragons should be checked on. They don't always answer the callings, and in my past, even those that never did were usually fine. But if one can't communicate with them, he or she should take measures to locate them."

"And you didn't?" Merlin asked quietly.

"I knew my time was coming. Not so long ago, dragons had many responsibilities in this world. Some of mine still needed to be taken care of, I could not forsake them. But I shouldn't have left Aithusa alone either and I did," the dragon let out a pained sigh.

The raven-haired man was a little taken aback by him talking about his mistake so openly. "What's done is done. You couldn't be everywhere. And we are fine."

Kilgharrah closed his eyes for a brief moment. "You are. Aithusa is a different story, though. And you need to help him, Merlin."

It was the warlock's turn to feel guilty. How could he not think about it earlier? Once again, he was so wrapped up in his own life that he overlooked something obvious. Perhaps the forces that had power over fate shouldn't have made him the last dragonlord. In his own mind, he was doing very poorly, especially considering that there weren't too many dragons left in the world, which should have made his job easier.

"Of-of course. But I have no idea how," he stuttered, looking at his feet.

"Neither do I. It will be hard without a dragon and a dragonlord working together to guide him. And even then, it would take years, and the outcome would be uncertain. Regardless, promise me you will try."

"I promise. But it's just like you, to leave me with an impossible task," Merlin mumbled, though his face clearly suggested that the leaving part was the only thing that bothered him.

Kilgharrah thanked him with a nod. He coughed a little, sending trembles through his massive body and seemingly, through the earth. "You appear to be doing well enough at those, young warlock."

Merlin shook his head vigorously. "Only because of your help. And I don't only mean all the times you gave me the solution, defeated my enemies, healed me. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be who I am."

"I did my part, and I am pleased that I had the privilege to work with you and watch you grow. I am also glad to know that your efforts were not in vain and that you will be respected in this world as you deserve.

"And do not worry. The universe will always give you what you need to fulfill your destiny. My work is done, but should you need help, you will get it from somewhere else," the creature said, tiredness seeping through his voice.

"I will still do what you told me to. Remember you," Merlin assured, the lump in his throat getting thicker. _More like miss you_.

"I sure hope so. And, whether my current mind and body like it or not, my spirit is bound with yours. So, I will likely have no choice but still watch over you," Kilgharrah joked, making the raven-haired man smile half-heartedly.

"But that does not change the fact that you and Arthur have to stay close to those with magic. It is not only about the law, though I am relieved that you started seeking them out because of that. You will need each other.

"So, let your starchy guardian be useful for once and use his knowledge to find all those who chose to hide in the shadows despite their great powers and wisdom. Only then will you be able to restore balance," the dragon concluded, giving him a look that seemed to warn him not to ignore the advice.

"Thank you for guiding us one last time. And really, thank you for everything, even if you find it pompous and annoying. Like you once told me, it will be an empty world without you," after some hesitation, despite feeling awkward, Merlin stretched his arm to touch Kilgharrah's head. He almost chuckled thinking that in any other circumstances, the dragon would probably burn his hand.

* * *

After Merlin and Kilgharrah finished their last conversation, the warlock and the king were told that if they wanted to, they could stay and wait. By that time, the dawn was almost upon them, with the sky taking a shade of grey. The two men sat next to the fire, resting their backs against a rock. They weren't quite sure what to do with themselves. Not to mention, they had no idea how long the whole process could take. So, while magic still seemed to float in the air, perhaps even more so than before, they took a short break from sensing it, too wrapped up in their uneasiness. And a tone of other feelings, slightly different for each.

When the first rays of sun pierced through the thin morning fog, Merlin found it oddly unfit. Feeling tired and miserable, all while observing the dragon whose physical struggle was slowly becoming more and more evident, he thought it would make much more sense for the day to be gloomy. Arthur, however, was completely oblivious to such problems. In fact, at the moment, he was indifferent to whatever was happening around him, snoring softly at his friend's right.

Several hours passed in a similar manner. The sun started to be unpleasant not only because it made the day seem happy while it was anything but, but also because they had nowhere to hide and they both felt as if their faces were being burned. Merlin spent the whole time either focusing on Kilgharrah's groans and shivers or buried deep in his dark thoughts. The king, while also feeling the heaviness of the situation, behaved more normally. He was the one to notice when there was a need to bring water or firewood, he prepared a simple meal and made a brief and failed attempt to convince the warlock to eat. A part of him probably tried to stay occupied because he felt a little out of place.

Both friends had similar thoughts about the dragon. They wondered in how much pain he actually was, how he felt about dying on their eyes, if he was really alright with leaving this world. To Kilgharrah, though, none of those things mattered. While the sensations were unpleasant, his mind and heart were clear and at peace. He could easily withstand what was necessary, without dwelling on it. After all, he had no doubt that it was the right time, and he saw no good in fighting against fate.

* * *

In Merlin and Arthur's heads, the day appeared much longer than it actually was. Still, as neither the best nor the worst times last forever, they finally saw the shades of red and orange diffusing on the sky. Soon, they realized that it wasn't the only thing that shifted. Kilgharrah was no longer wailing from time to time. The sound he was making was constant, and it somehow became impossible to separate it from the movements that were going through his body, or from the air around that seemed so full of his magic, of old, universal magic. They weren't even sure if they could dissect it from themselves.

Everything, including themselves, was vibrating as one being. It was challenging to be a part of it. It felt as if they could be blown into pieces at any moment. They were also overwhelmed by how much could be heard in that cry. They felt the pain of being chased, imprisoned, hated, and feared; and barely caught a passing realization that Uther's purge was but one piece of it, that it must have happened tens of times. They could sense the burden of being the one that did not die, the one that carried the deaths of others. The weight of responsibility, of many responsibilities, of being bound to walk a particular path for centuries and paying heavily for any missteps. And there was also the sheer pain of dying, of letting go of everything familiar, which was accepted, but still needed to be expressed.

Arthur was concentrating on staying calm. Not only for the sake of his sanity. Somehow, his intuition told him that it was his role, his tiny contribution to holding the energy. But it was getting harder as the intensity was growing. Suddenly, he heard another voice, which could miraculously get through to him and coexist with the piercing one, despite being much quieter. It was singing, in a language he didn't know. It didn't stop the streams of energy from flowing around and through them, and it didn't make the impression that the world was shaking go away. But the new voice did give it all rhythm. It sounded comforting and… weirdly familiar. Only after a while Arthur realized that it belonged to Merlin, though it was the side of Merlin he had yet to really know.

Eventually, after clashing with the song, the main sound changed, or perhaps they only started hearing it differently. It still contained all the pain. But there was also the joy of roaming in the sky. The wisdom that was thousands of years old. The calm, humble satisfaction of fulfilling the task. Love of life in its purest forms. And then, out of nowhere, there was a lot of fire, which was all around them but didn't burn them, didn't even feel hot. For a moment, the sound got louder, deafening, intense enough to make someone fear that they would lose their mind. The song either quieted down or got lost in it, even Merlin wasn't sure which was true. There was no space left to think.

It didn't last long, though. Soon, the sound was no more. The unusual fire dispersed. The sun was gone. And so was Kilgharrah, who seemed to disappear in flames.

* * *

Arthur put his head in his hands and rubbed his cheeks energetically. With mild surprise, he noticed that they were slightly wet. He had yet to remember why he wanted to pull himself together quickly, but he already knew it was important. Still, it took him some time. He felt as if he came back from a journey. Or, more accurately, was thrown back from another world. He could still feel some of that odd, fierce energy around. There was a lot of profound sadness and emptiness, too, which he never expected to feel because of someone he barely got to know.

He put his hands next to his feet, in an effort to ground himself. Finally, it hit him why he needed to compose himself. If he was feeling like that, what about Merlin? Why wasn't he next to him anymore? He jumped to his feet and swayed a little, which quickly brought him back to his knees. It didn't stop him, though. First, it was more crawling, but eventually, he got back to his feet, even dusted off his legs, and started checking every inch of the mountaintop, feeling grateful that it wasn't completely dark yet.

He was beginning to think that Merlin either went down on his own or was magically transported someplace. After all, the terrain wasn't that big. However, as a last resort, he approached another rock, which was quite far from where they were initially sitting, on the side where the dragon lied before. And behind it, there was Merlin, in a state that far surpassed one from which a person could easily pull himself together. He was curled into a ball, effectively muffling his sobs with the fabric of his jacket, though his whole body was shaking.

The king realized that he had never seen his friend fall apart like that. And not because the situation never called for it, but because Merlin could seldom afford it. And on rare occasions when he could, Arthur was the one that didn't allow him. When Merlin's father died, he could only shed a few quick tears to avoid suspicions. When his mother got sick, he had to pretend everything was alright. Even after Camlann, on their way to Avalon, only the look in his eyes betrayed how devastated he was, as he felt he needed to keep it together.

And then, all the times when the king screwed up, which he was now aware of. When Gaius was abducted, Arthur all but left him to die and screamed at his (then) servant. After Will sacrificed himself, he showed more interest in condemning sorcery than expressing his sympathy. And he knew that he never once asked Merlin how he was after Lancelot died, too preoccupied with his own problems.

So, Arthur was by no means surprised that his friend attempted to hide his grief that night. Not after all the accusations that he acted like a girl, which must have stuck, even though they were jokes. Not after _no man is worth your tears_ , another stupid lie that the blond-haired man inherited from his father. Unfortunately, one more thing he got from Uther was not having a clue what to do when the masks were off. But that didn't mean he intended to stick to that cowardice that he used to disguise as toughness.

He sank down to his knees next to Merlin, facing his side, and slowly put a hand on his friend's neck. The raven-haired man tensed and briefly raised his gaze. For a moment, it seemed that he was going to say something, but nothing came out. However, with a heavy heart, Arthur understood what his look was saying. Apologizing that he couldn't calm down. Unsurprisingly, the warlock thought that the king was going to scold him, mock him, or at least downplay what was happening.

"No, Merlin, it's alright," Arthur assured, not taking away his hand. „I'm here for you."

Merlin temporarily calmed down a moment ago, or froze, somewhat startled by his friend's presence. But as he received much-needed acceptance, it seemed that sobs started wrecking his body with twice as much force.

Up until that evening, he had no idea how deep his bond with Kilgharrah was. He knew that the dragon linked him to his father, kept a part of Balinor alive. And connected him to the dragons, too. As the last dragonlord, he didn't get enough opportunity to interact with them. Although Merlin's relationship with Kilgharrah was never easy, things were infinitely more complicated with Aithusa, so at the moment he found little consolation in the fact that the white creature was still out there.

But all of that, he realized long ago, when he first learned that Kilgharrah was dying. Yet, he only really felt it after it happened. It seemed as if his death left a burning hole somewhere deep inside him, an aching emptiness that was surrounded by so many other emotions, like confusion, fear, sadness, anger. And it felt as if the hole was growing, tearing everything around it into pieces and eventually consuming it. A thought crossed his mind that in the end, he could be absorbed entirely. Later, he would consider it dumb, but at the time he couldn't think straight.

All those years back, his father told him that to make Kilgharrah obey him, he would have to find a place where his and the dragon's soul are one. Apparently, he succeeded, considering how things turned out. But it wasn't until that moment, minutes after the creature's death, that he realized the real significance of Balinor's words, with all the beauty and privilege that came with them, but also with all the pain. He remembered a surprising, foreign sensation that filled him when he first spoke to Kilgharrah as a dragonlord. It was shockingly natural, and a part of him felt exhilarated by it, but at the same time, he couldn't stop a wave of anxiety. He knew that he was allowed to touch a great mystery, one that he would never be able to fully grasp, which was both exciting and scary.

The memory only made his despair grow. Was he to never have that feeling again? Even if that wasn't true if some of it could come back with Aithusa, what did it matter? He could never connect with another dragon the way he did with Kilgharrah, especially not with the one that helped forge the sword that almost killed Arthur.

For several moments, the king observed his friend, feeling rather helpless. He wouldn't dare to pretend that he understood what Merlin was going through. Even he sensed that there were intense energies at play, ones that he couldn't possibly process. Also, he knew his friend well enough to see that he was kind of caught up in them, perhaps only starting to understand himself. At the same time, he was recalling all the times when Merlin comforted him, no matter how silly Arthur's problems must have appeared to the warlock, or how far they were from what the latter was going through at the time.

As another desperate sob escaped the raven-haired man's lips, the king felt the barriers melting. Whatever was put in his head by his father or by the knights who used to train him, all the nonsense that was supposed to harden him, vanished. He already decided it brought little value to his life before. After all, Merlin was the toughest man he knew, even if he was still a little reluctant to admit it out loud. And it didn't come at the expense of showing his emotions. Anyway, even if that realization appeared in his mind a while ago, his subconsciousness only fully caught up to it that evening, when he saw someone he cared for as if they were brothers grieve so hard that he could barely catch a breath.

And so, without any further hesitation, he gently maneuvered his friend's body, subsequently pulling him closer. When Merlin was pressed against him, Arthur moved one of his hands to the back of the raven-haired head and brought it to his chest. Once again, the warlock's body stiffened a little but only for a moment. Soon, he gratefully leaned into the embrace, tightly gripping Arthur's jacket, as if it could keep him together.

They stayed like that long after the fire died, though it didn't matter, as they moved far from it anyway. There were no more comforting words or other soothing gestures, as the king sensed that more than anything, Merlin needed someone to steady him. With his shoulder propped against the rock, he just held his friend until the tears dried out, the trembling stopped, and his breathing wasn't erratic anymore.

* * *

 _A/N: Uff, this was emotional to write. As always, thank you so much for reading!_

 _Mersan123, thanks! I didn't look forward to saying goodbye to Kilgharrah either, it won't be the same without him (even if he wasn't around much in this story anymore). As for Arthur, I might have accelerated his growing up a bit - but it's because I'm trying to make up for all those years in the show during which, in some departments, he didn't grow up one bit._

 _Gingeraffealene, yeah, while I was writing the second part, I had to stop several times. Thank you!_

 _Vanvdreamer, I always wondered about the extent of Kilgharrah's powers and all the different ways in which they could be used, other than against Morgana and her allies. Thanks!_


	21. Distracting the Distracted

Merlin sat straight, his expression blank. Arthur thought it was rare to see his friend like that. In any other circumstances, he might have made a joke about it. But of course, it wasn't the right time for it.

"Let's go down a bit, it will be warmer there. We can start another fire and camp for the night," he suggested instead.

Next, he stood up vigorously, brushed off his clothes, and extended his hand to help Merlin up.

They walked down in silence, their gazes fixed on the light that the warlock sent floating before them. The king considered going back to the horses but decided against it, as they found a perfect spot about halfway there, shielded from wind and close enough to the forest and the stream.

"I will bring the firewood," Merlin announced after they put down their stuff.

"No. I will do it and set up the fire. You should get some rest."

Even though what Arthur said sounded a lot like an order, it was unlike Merlin not to have his own opinion about things.

"I'm alr―" he attempted to protest.

"Yes, yes, I know. But you haven't slept since we left Camelot, or eaten since we left the druids. It won't kill you if you let someone else do things for once," the king cut in. As soon as he finished, he realized how dumb it sounded, since it was usually him who made his former servant do all the work.

The warlock didn't even notice though and was about to argue again. However, his friend didn't wait for an answer. He simply turned around and left. Resigned, Merlin charmed the light to follow Arthur and started preparing his bedroll.

When the latter came back, the raven-haired man was lying on his back under a blanket, staring at the sky. He made a move to help, but he was stopped again. While he felt grateful, he wondered if not having anything to occupy himself with wouldn't drive him mad. Still, he indeed was tired. And eventually, he would have to face the mess in his mind anyway.

He watched as Arthur started the fire and prepared a simple meal. Normally, he would tease the king about his cooking skills, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. However, he forced himself to eat a bit when the king passed him a bowl, whether it was because he wanted to show he appreciated the gesture or because he wanted to avoid discussing his lack of appetite. Regardless, they finished their meal in almost unbroken silence, after which they bid quick goodnights and lied down to get some sleep, knowing there was hardly any need to keep watch so high in the mountains.

* * *

A few hours passed, and both men found out that given the circumstances, resting was easier said than done. They would drift off for an hour or less, wake up, and start reliving what they witnessed or pondering on what they heard. Eventually, knowing that the dawn was close, both quietly decided to give up on trying to fall back asleep. They could live with one more sleepless night, after all.

"You are awake, aren't you? I can't hear any snoring," Merlin remarked, feeling increasingly annoyed at being alone with his thoughts.

"Way to start the conversation," Arthur mumbled, turning to his side to face his friend. "And you would be surprised how loud this head of yours gets sometimes. I'm amazed that Gaius manages to get any sleep at all."

In truth, the king knew it was his own mind that kept him awake, but he couldn't help himself. He passed on enough chances to tease.

"Finally, something that sounded almost like an insult. For a moment there, I thought the world has gone utterly mad," the warlock couldn't help but laugh, relaxing at the sight of normalcy. "Just so you know, Gaius doesn't need me to keep him up. He spends half of the nights buried in his books anyway."

The blond-haired man propped himself up on one elbow, groaning softly as his arm was stiff. "He made some enemies by siding with my father, didn't he?"

"Well, I'm sure he lost friends over it. But I don't think they started hating him for it, most I've met just sneered down at him, like K-kilgharrah," Merlin replied, stuttering when mentioning the dragon, but nevertheless grateful for any kind of conversation.

"Couldn't have been easy. Do you think he regrets his choice?" Arthur asked quietly.

"Not really, I believe that a part of him genuinely considered Uther a friend, crazy as it sounds. No offense."

"None taken. In fact, I agree. Some friendship it was, my father sentenced him to the pyre," the king's words brought some mild awkwardness, with both men quickly relating it to their own situation.

"Anyway, I wouldn't say that Gaius sided with anyone. He did help some people escape, my father being one of them. As much as his cautiousness frustrates me, his… lack of choice did more good than whatever most of those who looked down at him did," Merlin stated firmly, also turning to his side and staring into the fire.

Arthur was about to continue talking about Gaius, but a quick glance at his friend's face told him that his mind wandered off. He waited a while before asking, "What are you thinking about?"

"Uhm… My father. But it's not pretty. I'm not sure if I should say it out loud," the raven-haired admitted, biting his lip.

The king, apparently unable to find a comfortable position, rolled onto his belly, rotating slightly so he could still look at his companion. He was silent, leaving it to Merlin to decide if he would like to share.

"It's just, among other things, for a moment I felt angry. I try to get this out of my head, but it's hard for me not to think about Aithusa as Morgana's dragon, one that… you know. So, it all seemed unfair, I've just become a dragonlord a few years back, and there are no dragons that I can see myself bonding with anymore," the warlock paused and looked down at the skin he was lying on.

"And then I got even angrier when I thought about my father dying just after I met him. Now that… that Kilgharrah is dead, it's like the last part of him is gone, too. The purest part, and the one I knew best. So, I felt like I had the worst of luck. Until I realized that… well, that it wasn't luck that kept me from meeting my father earlier," he blurted out.

"I know, I told you, you don't have to feel bad for saying it was because of my-" Arthur started, with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Merlin shot him a puzzled look, before it hit him that it indeed sounded as if he got furious at the memory of Uther. "Oh. That's not what I meant. I was going to say that he's responsible for that, too. And my mother."

"Right. She could have told you. But he didn't know, how is it his fault?" now, it was the king's turn to feel confused.

The warlock stretched his arms and sighed, wondering how to put his feelings and thoughts into words.

"Fault is too big a word. And it would be foolish to judge, I don't even want to imagine what it must have been like, to lose so many dragons at once, to pretty much witness all the dragonlords dying, and then to have to leave behind the little comfort he found in Ealdor. But… even if I don't hold it against him, I can't help but wish he didn't give up."

"It doesn't seem like he got much choice," Arthur suggested quietly, not used to someone else's deceased father being criticized, no matter how lightly.

"At first, he did not. But he could have come back. Your father was far too practical to chase him forever in Cenred's Kingdom. He wouldn't give a rat's ass if mine showed up in Ealdor a year or two after he was forced to leave," Merlin argued, sitting up to add more wood to the fire.

"What if someone told?"

"You know how it is to go to Ealdor and back without horses, I doubt someone would try it for an uncertain reward. Also, when you live in a small village, no one can leave unnoticed, all he needed was to be careful. Or, we could go somewhere where no one knew him.

"The point is, he was bitter about losing my mother, but he kind of chose to. So what if coming back would be risky? Going by the state we found him in, he didn't have much to lose. He lived on regret, hatred, and pain, snapping at everyone who came near his caves," the raven-haired man took a deep breath before adding the worst part.

"And where did it get him? I loved my time with him, but when he told us he wouldn't help, I almost regretted that Gaius told me the truth. I meant what I said then, about him being as bad as Uther. He was about to let hundreds of people die…" the warlock finished his rant, instantly feeling awful for voicing his thoughts.

"What matters is that he changed his mind, Merlin. My father never did," Arthur commented calmly, sounding as if it barely bothered him anymore.

"Uh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring Uther into this… more than necessary," the raven-haired man muttered. He was still sitting, arms wrapped around his knees. "And you are right, of course. Maybe I was just looking for something to get angry at. It was either that or… well, staying scared and depressed."

"Understandable. I suppose there is no easy solution for the sadness but as for the fear… I doubt that Kilgharrah was one for empty words of comfort. You will not be on your own with the things he helped you with," the king offered.

To his amazement, instead of a response, he heard a soft chuckle. He furrowed his brows, mumbling something about hoping that his friend wasn't going mad.

"I'm not. At least I hope so. It's just that grateful as I am… I can't believe you've passed so many chances to call me a girl. Even now, when I'm not a crying mess anymore," Merlin explained.

Arthur sighed and used his left elbow to crawl a little closer. Then, with his right fist, he lightly punched his advisor on the arm and joked, "What's the point. Everyone around me has gone soft. I hold you responsible but still, there is little I can do but play along."

The warlock laughed, probably for the first time in a while. "A rare display of maturity."

"Yeah, like you would know what that is."

They continued talking for a bit, both enjoying a lighter mood. As their conversation took them into a new day, they ate breakfast, put out the fire, and started gathering their stuff. Only when they were nearly done Merlin briefly grew more serious again.

"I'm glad you are here. Thank you," he said with a small smile. Arthur nodded back at him, the corners of his lips turning slightly upwards, too.

* * *

They rode through the gates to the city the following evening, just before it got dark. Merlin rushed to his and Gaius' chambers, hoping to find the physician home and talk about what Kilgharrah said as soon as possible. Arthur, however, was pleased to stumble upon Leon in the courtyard.

"Sir Leon! I hope your journey home was without surprises. Have Rodin and Mithian left already?" he asked, entrusting his horse to one of the servants.

The knight, buried in his thoughts, took a while to react.

"Sire," he finally replied, standing up and bowing his head with an apologetic look. It was better to keep it official in front of the guards and several other witnesses. "Our ride back was fine. As for Rodin and Mithian, the king caught a chill. Nothing serious, but they postponed their visit until later this week. Your head is safe," he added the last part in a whisper.

"What?"

"From the queen. Isn't that why you asked, Sire?" Leon raised his eyebrows.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry, I'm just tired after the journey. I better go rest. Have a good evening, Sir Leon," the king confirmed a little too quickly.

The truth was, he forgot that Guinevere could be mad or at the very least annoyed with him for leaving her to welcome Rodin and Mithian. He had an unforeseen business with his fellow ruler. But he wasn't about to reveal that, not yet.

"You too, Sire. By the way, we didn't know when you and Merlin will be back, so we decided to delay progressing with the queen's plan until then," Leon reported.

"Very well. We can send Tristan to the tavern tomorrow. Thank you," the king nodded at his knight, before going past him and entering the palace.

On any other day, Leon would likely pick on Arthur's weird behavior. That evening, though, he was too deep in his own thoughts, pondering on the conversation he had a day and a half ago.

* * *

 _(Two days earlier)_

 _Mornings were full of joy at the druids camp. Unlike in Camelot, nobody seemed to be in a hurry. The druids were admiring nature around them, as if they didn't see it all the time, chatting about simple things, sharing tasks while preparing breakfast. Their cheerful attitude rubbed off on the guests, who were much less restrained than the night before. The breakfast found them engaged in conversations with their hosts and relaxed enough to wish to delay leaving toward the city, if only for a little bit._

 _Leon, however, realized that it was out of the question, as they had to get there before Rodin and Mithian. Weirdly, he didn't feel particularly hungry. He drank a cup of herbal tea, which tasted like a mixture of nettle and mint, and ate some forest fruit. Then, he excused himself rather quickly, despite his mild amusement at Percival flirting with a young druid woman, as Gwaine theatrically rolled his eyes beside the large knight._

 _Leon perched on a fallen tree near the entrance to the camp, trying to savor his surroundings for the last few moments. Suddenly, a brown cloak came into his field of vision._

 _"I am pleased that our paths crossed again, Sir Leon," Iseldir spoke before the knight could raise his eyes to see who approached him._

 _"Likewise," the younger man replied, straightening his back. "I often wondered if I would ever get a chance to say how grateful I am. And sorry."_

 _"You did thank us, Sir Leon," Iseldir reminded. His way of addressing the knight was a little uncharacteristic, as he rarely respected the official titles. "And there is no need to apologize."_

 _"If it were not for me, you wouldn't lose the cup in the first place. Or get into trouble with Arthur," Leon protested._

 _"I believe you and your friends got into far more trouble over it. But regardless of that, you should never apologize for being alive," the druid chieftain stated firmly, looking the knight in the eye._

 _Leon nodded hesitantly. "Still, I have to ask. Why did you go out of your way to save me, Iseldir? I couldn't stop thinking about it. Your people could have died after Uther found out."_

 _"The simple answer is that it was the only right thing to do. This is how the cup should be used. I am not sure how much you know about the way it works but usually, saving one life with it requires sacrificing another. On a single day each year, the spring equinox, there is no price, all you need is to know the right incantation. We found you on that day," the druid explained patiently._

 _"So, is there also another answer?"_

 _Iseldir smiled slightly. "Perhaps. There is a deeper reason beneath everything. And clearly, you have an important role to play in what is unfolding."_

 _"Me? I am just a good warrior, like dozens of others in our army," the knight argued._

 _"If you say so. To me, it appears that it would not be easy to find someone who better embodies the knightly values. You are honorable, loyal, humble, hard-working, brave, protective of what and who you believe in. Those with magic too often lack those qualities, corrupted by their powers. When the old ways collide with the new, it will take people like you to keep the world grounded," the chieftain assessed, his kind eyes seemingly piercing through Leon, which made him both slightly uncomfortable and relieved, as for once, he felt understood._

* * *

Replaying the conversation, the knight wasn't sure which question screamed harder in his head, which made him feel a little lost, as he tended to be serene both inside and out. He wondered how much the world was going to change and if Iseldir was right that he would quickly find his place there. He was also dumbfounded by how much the druid chieftain seemed to know about him; not because it must have required remarkable seer talents and skill, but because he couldn't figure out why he received so much attention. After all, he was used to staying in the shadows, only coming to the frontline in the heat of the battle.

* * *

Needless to say, the following day, it was hard to find one person who was focused on the mission to find the person who sold the traitors the crystal. Well, apart from the queen. Tristan was a little nervous as it was his first real task as knight of Camelot. Merlin couldn't stop thinking about both dragons, not sure how on Earth he would be able to keep his promise to Kilgharrah. Leon's focus got lost somewhere in the druid camp, and Percival's might have, too, albeit for different reasons. Gwaine was Gwaine, which could mean various things depending on the moment. However, even he would agree that if the action involved the tavern, he wasn't the most reliable soldier. Finally, the king's mind was busy with one thing he had yet to reveal to anyone, anxiously waiting for Rodin to arrive.

"I'm starting to think we can't do it tonight, either," Gwen threw her arms in the air. „Were all your brains stolen when you were away?"

"Relax, Guinevere," Arthur tried to reason with her. "It's unlikely that there will be any difficulties today, we will just test the grounds."

"Alright. I hope you are right. Percival, did you make sure that none of the knights will have time to go the tavern today?" the queen asked, looking pointedly at the massive warrior, who nodded in response.

Then, she raised from the chair and glanced around the table. Once again, they were in the forgotten room, where Arthur first announced he was planning to lift the ban. Since then, it became their secret meeting room.

"Good. In case anyone forgot, which seems more than likely. Gwaine will sit in the dark corner of the tavern, like he often does, for protection. If things go really bad, Merlin will be waiting in the closest bedroom. Arthur and Leon will stay somewhere around the tavern, trying not to attract too much attention. Good luck," Gwen laid out slowly, as if she was talking to children.

* * *

In time, Tristan forgot about his worries, feeling increasingly bored. The plan was infinitely more exciting in theory, which minimized the part that consisted of waiting for the person who looked as if they could know anything. In reality, it could take multiple evenings of sipping the ale with little entertainment around, bar occasional fights and shady-looking strangers, who Tristan delicately approached.

Merlin found himself in an even worse situation, sitting in the closest bedroom, near the half-open door, trying his hardest to stop his mind from wandering off, as he had to listen carefully for any disturbing signals. Gwaine, on the other hand, was relatively content, doing what he was used to. As he was feeling slightly better lately, he wouldn't mind some company, but having an official order to drink in the tavern didn't seem bad at all.

Suddenly, the door opened, bringing a breeze of cold air and revealing a guy who instantly drew Tristan's attention. Later, he wouldn't be able to put it into words, but whether it was something about his cloak, which appeared to be purple and gold at the same time, or his magnifying eyes, of which one was blue and another green, the knight instantly knew he couldn't be a regular citizen of Camelot, nor a simple traveler.

The man took off his hood, revealing unruly silver hair and a short beard. As he walked to the counter, Tristan started planning how to approach him. To his regret, the arriver didn't order a drink and only paid for the room. On a regular evening, either the newly commissioned knight or Gwaine would probably find it weird that he didn't carry anything with him. However, not only the latter was nowhere to be seen, but also something in the air that day made them all uncommonly unfocused.

It took only a few moments for all hell to break loose. Well, two separate hells, to be precise.

* * *

If waiting for things to unfold got a tad annoying inside the tavern, at least for some, Arthur and Leon's situation was far less pleasant. The night was chilly, and they tried to stay in the shadows, which meant keeping away from the fires.

"God, I barely had any time to forget about how freezing it was in the mountains, and here I am again," the king complained in a hushed voice, rubbing his hands against each other to warm them up.

"If you wanted to wait longer―" the knight started.

"―Leon, did we meet yesterday? I'm not Cenred, I've had far worse than three nights out in the cold. I was just… making the conversation," Arthur whispered with a slight smirk.

"Right."

"Clearly, it isn't working."

"Sorry."

Arthur had to chew on his cheek not to burst out laughing. "I think my sword is more talkative than you, Leon. Are you alright?"

"Yes. There's just something on my mind. But it's not the time and place," the knight explained quickly.

He had yet to know the true depth of his words. They were sitting on the old barrels, in the dark spot on the right side of the tavern. Not five minutes passed since their conversation, when, out of nowhere, they felt cloths appearing in their mouth, gagging them. Before they could react, they found themselves tied up by ropes. That caused them to lose balance, which in turn made the barrels roll under them. Soon, they were both lying flat on their backs, on the cold ground.

"Long time no see," a voice above them said.

Arthur rose his head. He instantly noticed a sun-shaped necklace mentioned by Gwaine, glowing bright enough to illuminate an unsettlingly familiar face hovering above them. The king quickly established that there was no use fighting against the rope, so he lied back and waited.

"Your plan was quite solid, I admit. But it was based on the assumption that I didn't care about the plot to assassinate the queen. After I realized that it failed, I did some spying. You would be surprised how easy it still is to sneak into the palace," the man continued.

 _It's amusing that you have nothing better to do with your time_ , Arthur thought, silently cursing at the stupidity of the situation they were in.

"You probably remember that I have some unfinished business with Camelot. Even more so, after you killed my friends."

 _You don't strike me as the type that has too many of them_ , it was now Leon's turn to be sarcastic. By accident, it was actually accurate, as their attacker was simply looking for more reasons to hate them, with his so-called friends being more like his means to achieving goals at one point in the past.

The man glanced up briefly, as if waiting for a signal. He seemed to get what he was looking for. Sighing, he added, "Alright, enough of the talking. I said all that was to say all those years back. Now, it is time for the great spectacle. Please, watch with me," with that, he dragged them to the wall of the opposite building, not without trouble, and helped them sit.

Deciding that it was better to see what he was up to than to land face on the ground, they didn't protest.

As they were waiting anxiously, eyes glued to the tavern, if not for the sounds, they would miss the sudden turn of events. Out of nowhere, Gwaine jumped onto their captor. In a sudden flash of genius, he remembered what Gaius said about the necklace being protection in battle, and started by ripping it off. He held the man tight in his grip and after a few moments of struggle, knocked him out cold.

Then, he rushed to free Arthur and Leon from the rope.

"Not that I'm not grateful, but what are you doing here, Gwaine?" the king asked hoarsely, getting up to his feet.

"Nature called. I was here for a while, but I thought I'd better get this," he waved the necklace in front of them, „off him and there was no chance of taking him by surprise until you changed positions."

Arthur nodded, "Thank you."

"For once, it's a good thing you drank too much to keep your position," Leon grinned, brushing off his cloak.

The three men patted each other on the back, still joking, and went on to tie their attacker.

It seemed like they forgot about the promised spectacle.

* * *

About the same time Arthur and Leon were unpleasantly surprised, Merlin felt that someone with magic went into the tavern. When the door opened, the draft closed his room, so he didn't get to look at the stranger who drew Tristan's attention. Maybe, if not for that coincidence, he would grow suspicious. Instead, he thought that perhaps, they finally got lucky.

In truth, it was the opposite. Soon, all the doors to the outside were closed, though for quite some time no one noticed. Precisely, until it seemed to be too late. Tristan was busy wondering if the newcomer would come down to eat or drink, already thinking that it might turn out to be necessary to come back the next day. Merlin considered going out for a moment to check if the knight noticed that someone with magic was in the tavern, but in case it was someone familiar, he didn't want the latter to get suspicious.

In the end, it all didn't matter that much, because things got a little hot.

* * *

Arthur, Leon and Gwaine stopped in their tracks, watching in horror. In one moment, the tavern started burning. But the process wasn't gradual, the fire appeared to be full-blown mere seconds after it started. After the three warriors got through their initial shock, they rushed to the doors and windows, only to find them all locked with magic, impossible to either open or unhinge.

"What now? We can't just stand here and watch!" Gwaine yelled, making another fruitless attempt to break in with a solid kick.

"Breaking your legs won't do anyone much good," Arthur retorted. "I don't like it anymore than you do, but―"

* * *

Merlin let his eyelids close for a second. At first, he nearly convinced himself that he dozed off and the fire was just a nightmare. However, as unpleasant sensations were growing into dangerous and painful, he decided that not only they were probably real, but also it was a good idea not to take any chances. He grabbed a blanket from the nearest bed and hid under it, knowing he had minutes at best to figure out the solution.

 _How did the fire grow so huge so fast?_ he kept asking himself. He tried a few simple spells to put out at least some of it, but they didn't work. Simultaneously, though he couldn't see it, Tristan and a few other men were experiencing similar frustration when trying to open the door.

Thankfully, fire was one of the elements that he had the strongest relationship with. In addition to being able to use it instinctively, he particularly enjoyed studying fire-related spells. So, as the burning sensation on his skin was slowly getting him worried that his brain would fry before producing any useful ideas, suddenly, something clicked. When he was bored out of his mind during his quest, he came across a spell to quickly trap people in the fire, and there was a way to counter it.

He concentrated on remembering it well.

"Merlin, are you alright? I mean… well enough? We kind of depend on you here," Tristan panted, after an effort to get to the room.

"I know what to do! Since you are here, do you know who did this? Be ready, the door will open after I lift the spell!" Merlin yelled back at the knight.

In seconds, the warlock stood up, throwing away the blanket, and said an incantation, which Tristan barely heard through the cracking and buzzing sounds of the fire. It ceased as abruptly as it started, dumbfounding everyone who was inside. The knight and the warlock grinned at each other and hugged briefly, before rushing to find the reason for the whole mess.

* * *

"―but we can only count on Merlin now," Arthur finished with a relieved sigh, his lips curving into a small smile.

Leon stayed with the attacker, while the king and Gwaine went in to check on the people. Initially, the situation seemed rather grim, but it was mostly because of the damage done to the tavern, with its walls darkened and scorched, and many chairs and tables broken in the chaos, not to mention countless cracked jars and plates. Arthur made a mental note to himself to pay for the repairs, considering that they were the target.

As for the people, they were mostly scared and eager to get home, at least if they had one in Camelot. The fire was stopped quickly enough for no one to get hurt, not counting minor burns. The king and Gwaine got busy helping to tend to those, simultaneously scanning the tavern for Merlin and Tristan. In a few moments, they saw the knight dragging an older guy with a nasty bump on the side of his head, the warlock trailing behind them. Later, they would learn that Tristan remembered Merlin's advice on how to beat someone with magic, and made him unable to use his gifts as soon as he found him.

"You two alright?" Gwaine asked, squeezing their arms.

They both nodded.

"Where the hell were you, Gwaine?" Tristan asked.

"My bet is on a lucky nature call. Gwaine has a knack for those," Merlin replied with a wink, seeing in his friend's eyes that he was right.

They conveniently avoided talking about how the fire was stopped until they were on their own since they weren't talking about the king advisor's magic openly just yet.

"Well, speaking of the outside, we have one more surprise for you," Arthur said, his tone betraying slight mockery.

* * *

"Alvarr! That's not exactly surprising," Merlin joked, looking down at the unconscious man.

"Sorry for getting your hopes up," Arthur sneered light-heartedly.

Gwaine eyed them both and took a step forward, so he was placed between them and Alvarr. "Right, there was no time to ask before. How do you know him?"

"Just a small run-in a few years back," Leon joined in.

"Yup, nothing too serious. Alvarr and young Mordred tried to steal a dangerous weapon from the vaults. That, and he had a fling with Morgana," Merlin added, gesturing that it was time to get going.

"Of course, I didn't know the most interesting part," Leon mumbled while getting up to head toward the palace.

* * *

 _A/N: Oops, it seems like the nasty knights from few chapters back conveniently forgot to tell Alvarr about Arthur's plans. Still, who knows if it would change anything :) Anyway, thank you for still reading!_

 _Mersan123, thank you, it might have been the hardest one to write so far. I felt like a dragon's death has to be powerful, since he or she lived for so long. I actually rewrote the entire thing as I wasn't satisfied with my first take. I feel for Merlin, too, he can never have it easy... but at least he doesn't have to hide it anymore._

 _Gingeraffealene, oops! I hardly ever wear mascara because I manage to ruin it even without crying :) Thank you!_

 _Maricate, thank you for all your wonderful reviews, I'm glad that you came across this story. To answer some of your comments:_

 _\- In my headcanon, Perilous Lands are as big as the whole kingdom - for example, when Arthur and Merlin are near the palace, they can't see what's far in the woods, etc. My assumption is that it's the same with Perilous Lands. That's why Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine didn't have to see everything that is going on there :)_

 _\- About Kilgharrah, during the circle he did his last bit of powerful magic, which didn't mean he would die right after, just that he wouldn't be able to do powerful healing spells and things like that. But you are right, I made it seem as if Merlin wasn't going to see him again... I wanted for it all to be a surprise, also for Merlin._

 _\- As for what the dragon told Arthur, I can't wait to reveal it - you only have to wait until the next chapter..._

 _Vanvdreamer, yeah, Arthur had this last bit of growing up to do and it seems like he managed it pretty well. Thank you!_


	22. The New Old Dragons

Interrogating Alvarr and his friend turned out to be somewhat underwhelming. As Arthur and Leon suspected, the knights who plotted against the queen and Merlin forgot to mention that one of the main reasons for their anger was the king's resolution to lift the ban. When the sorcerers were made aware of that, the warlock could see hints of regret on their faces, though they quickly masked it with „too little, too late" spiteful speeches. In any case, since they seemed to be working alone, motivated by personal grudges against Camelot, there was little to talk about. Of course, Merlin and Gaius were more than interested in finding Alvarr's collection. Unfortunately, they had no leverage to get the information out of him, so they quickly conceded to the realization that they would need to carry further investigation. Hopefully, it would pan out better than their latest mission.

It didn't take long before the king told the guards to escort Alvarr and Ivan, his friend, back to the dungeons to await punishment. Sitting comfortably on his throne, Arthur scratched his face.

"It's not good. I don't want to send the message that I'm punishing people with magic, but I have no doubt that is all that people will get from it," he complained, imagining that Alvarr will make sure that his last words convey the wrong message.

"Do it quietly, then, Sire. It may be unconventional, but there are more important things at stake than making sure they will get their last chance to address the crowd," Leon suggested, earning nods of agreement from Gaius and a few other members of the court.

"Can I be excused, Sire? I need to make sure their cells are _really_ locked," Merlin asked.

"Of course," Arthur waved his hand to emphasize that his advisor was free to go.

"Meet me on the courtyard in half an hour," the warlock whispered to Gwaine, who was standing next to him, before rushing after the prisoners.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Merlin and Gwaine were already riding through the woods behind the castle, both thinking about how much changed since their last venture to the same destination.

"I can't believe you are making me go to the Valley of the Fallen Kings again, Merlin," the knight teased, taking a sip from his waterskin. The raven-haired man hoped there was indeed water inside.

"I admit, I could have gone alone this time. But it's more fun this way," the warlock replied, conveniently forgetting to mention that the place still creeped him out a bit.

"Wait, this time, you can at least tell me why we are going, can't you?"

"I suppose so. We will be looking for a way to fix Aithusa, the other dragon," Merlin revealed.

After coming back to Camelot two days earlier, he had a long conversation with Gaius. Sadly, his assumptions turned to be right, as the physician told him that his books would be of no use in helping Aithusa. Since there was no one alive who could possibly have any knowledge on the matter, Merlin decided to look for the answers in the only place that came to his mind. The crystal cave.

"You mean, Morgana's puppy? Isn't he… well, not exactly our friend?" Gwaine raised his eyebrows.

The warlock sighed loudly. "It's not that simple. A dragon cannot disobey me, you saw yourself. And I have no idea how he ended up damaged or how he met Morgana, but whatever he did, it wasn't his fault. He is still a kid."

"How can you recognize how old a dragon is?"

"I can't. But I… err, kind of made him hatch," Merlin admitted, his eyes fixed on his horse's neck.

The knight's face was lit with sudden understanding. "Right. You stole that egg, didn't you? That's… hilarious!"

Then, Gwaine burst out laughing, and Merlin chimed in with a half-hearted chuckle.

* * *

"For once, we made it without surprises," Merlin's relief was evident, as he hopped off his horse around the place where he tried to heal Arthur all those years back.

"I would wait with such statements until we are back in Camelot. I will walk you to the entrance and wait for you," Gwaine answered, thinking about how he didn't pack enough wine.

"Thank you," the raven-haired man said seriously. He hesitated before adding, „And thank you for the other time, too."

The knight hissed when his foot slipped on a rock. "You thanked me already for the other time, Merlin. It was nothing."

"No, I told you we would lose if it weren't for you coming with me. Now I'm thanking you for myself. I felt terrible, I had no magic, I was sure Arthur was about to die the next day, and on top of it, he was furious with me for not coming. It wasn't nothing, quite the opposite," the warlock explained solemnly.

Perhaps the closeness of the cave made him more reflective. Gwaine smiled and squeezed his shoulder. Soon, they reached the end of the rocky path, finding themselves at the entrance of the cave.

"Good luck," the knight turned around to find a place to sit. Before he managed to get away, Merlin tripped and reflexively grabbed him, pulling them both in and onto the ground of the cave.

"Oops, sorry, that shouldn't have happened," the warlock said, his eyes growing wide as he realized he dragged someone into such place.

"I know. I'll head out now," the knight moved hastily toward the entrance, only for a ray of blueish light to come out of nowhere and stop him.

"I guess I was wrong. It's exactly what was supposed to happen," Merlin mumbled, dragging his friend further in.

Gwaine looked around, feeling slightly out of place after all the talk about him having to stay outside. For some reason, his mind went back to the time when he got captured by Morgana and met The Diamair. There was something in the energy of the place that made him remember the creature. He felt as if the rocks and the crystals that shone even in relative darkness held just as much knowledge.

"Alright, I don't think you ever explained, or maybe I didn't pay attention. What is this place?" he asked.

"It is where magic began. You could probably say that it's stronger here than anywhere," Merlin answered in a hushed voice. They were both almost whispering as if wanting to honor to sacredness of the place in an unspoken understanding.

Gwaine gave a reluctant nod, though the warlock wasn't looking at him. "So, what do you think I am doing here?"

"No idea. To be honest, I can't fully understand anything that ever happened to me here or even around here."

* * *

Soon, Merlin climbed onto a rather large rock and sat with his legs crossed, staring into an enormous, weird-shaped crystal, which kind of resembled a flower, a dandelion, perhaps. He didn't have a clue what he was supposed to do or what to expect, so he just sat there, admiring the captivating beauty and purity of the mineral before him. It crossed his mind to try to use it but was that an answer? His intuition told him something else. A sudden realization hit him. He didn't try to look into the crystal, merely admiring it, because he didn't feel the need. But for the first time, he wasn't afraid of doing it. Whatever the future held, he wouldn't have to deal with it in secret and solitude, which gave him strength. Besides, after Arthur lived through Camlann, he realized that Gaius was right, no future was set in stone.

As he was pondering on that, Gwaine couldn't stay in one place, bewildered by the situation he found himself in. Eventually, his restless legs carried him to a narrow passage, though it appeared wider thanks to its walls, which were almost entirely made of crystals. Before he knew it, a large stone moved and trapped him inside.

The knight quickly assessed that it would take about three Percivals to make it shake, not to mention opening the corridor. He was just about to yell for Merlin, when he heard a voice, which seemed to come from multiple directions at once, circling around him.

"Do not worry, Gwaine, you will soon be free to go. First, though, you need to hear what I have to tell you, for there is a reason why you ended up here today."

"Who are you?" the dark-haired man asked distrustfully.

His mind caught up to his body, as he finally registered that his hand subconsciously reached for a sword. It nearly made him laugh out loud at his own stupidity.

"That is of no importance to you, my spirit has not been bound by a human body for centuries. A long time ago, I was a warrior like you, though I fought my battles with different weapons," the voice was calm and soothing, melting the knight's anxiety.

"Why are you speaking to me?" Gwaine inquired, resting his back against the cool crystal wall.

"To make sure that you are aware of your worth and importance, and that you do not dwell on what is in the past."

"That sounds like a good reason to bring about any person who walks the earth in here," Gwaine remarked bluntly before he thought it through.

It wasn't because he didn't appreciate the gesture or respect the place. He simply considered everyone to be equal, at least as long as they didn't go around doing evil, so he couldn't comprehend what was so special about him.

"Perhaps. But we, the spirits who guard the cave, did not bring you here, you came on your own. We just gave you a little push," the tone briefly changed into playful, before turning serious again. "I apologize, it is not the time for jokes. I could not resist myself, I rarely get an opportunity. But, of course, it is not an accident, you would only need one hand to count the people without magic who were ever allowed in here."

Gwaine gaped. "Why me, then?"

"You proved yourself deserving of it. You see things as they are, for your heart is pure and you never let anything, be it laws, customs or fear, cloud its judgment. And that is what guides your actions. Even if you were not aware of it until recently, with those qualities, you have been protecting magic and sustaining the possibility that one day, the balance of the world will be restored."

"Thank you, but… uhm, it doesn't seem accurate," the knight argued, suddenly finding his boots extremely interesting, despite the fact that he couldn't meet the spirit's eyes anyway.

"Believe me when I tell you that being right all the time can be exhausting. However, there is no way to avoid it when observing the world from here," the voice countered, with the teasing note coming back.

"With all due respect, I can remember too well how my actions nearly ruined the chances for peace and balance," Gwaine wasn't the easiest person to convince to change his mind, especially on the matter they were discussing.

The spirit sighed, and the space reverberated with the sound, making the man shiver slightly. "The protectors have to make hard choices, with only their instincts to help them. At times, they have to endure suffering and put those they care about in danger to save them from paying an even greater price."

The knight shook his head vigorously. "That is not what happened. I had no idea that Merlin had miracles up his sleeve."

"Deep down, you probably knew. That is unimportant, though. Going by your intuition, you set things in motion, allowing the best possible outcome to come true. You were the one who paid for it dearly, who is still paying for it. But you should remember that it was not in vain, and cherish your courage," the voice was soft and reassuring again.

At that moment, Gwaine's face showed that some things clicked in his mind, opening it to a new perspective. Even if Merlin tried to plant the idea in his head, it never occurred to him with such force that all that went down after Morgana captured them, including the torture and his failure, served a purpose. Without it, they could still be looking over their shoulders, waiting for her next move. Whether it was dumb luck or something more, the realization did comfort him.

"Still, do not forget that no man is defined by a single day of his life unless he chooses so. A single decision is not why you were allowed in here, it is a stream of selfless choices and acts that come together into your path of life."

"I am grateful, for being here and for talking to you, but… well, I don't see how it's fair, there are many others who are at least just as deserving," the knight stated firmly.

"In a way, you may be right. Not everyone gets the opportunity to prove themselves. However, there are things that cannot be fully understood from where you stand, among the living. One of those is that it is both true that destiny chooses you and that you choose your destiny."

Gwaine made a mental note to himself to reflect on those cryptic words later, too astonished to make any sense of them right away, while at the same time feeling moved by them as if there was some profound truth to them that could only be perceived by heart.

"Your humility, though, is one of your strengths, even if you often choose to conceal it. As is your fairness, honesty, and being a man of action. Focus on the good in you, Gwaine, as it will be needed in the times to come. There is still much work to do for one of the fiercest protectors of the balance of the world."

The knight nodded solemnly.

"That was my final advice and my wish. Take care, Gwaine."

Before the dark-haired man could phrase his reply, he felt the presence leaving. Just before it was entirely gone, he could swear he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whispered a few words of gratitude anyway, knowing that somehow, they would surely be heard.

After the stone moved and he could leave the passage, he lowered himself to the stone floor instead. Resting his elbows on his knees, he decided to give himself a moment before going to find Merlin.

* * *

Merlin's time in the cave wasn't quite as enlightening. Not that he didn't get an answer. It just left him with more questions. Anyhow, he was right not to try to look for the knowledge in crystals. Shortly after Gwaine disappeared, which he didn't register, he sensed someone approaching him. His heart skipped a beat, in the hope that he would see his father again. He couldn't help imagining it from the moment he decided to visit the cave, despite knowing he was supposed to focus on something else.

He raised his gaze. The man who was slowly, gracefully approaching him wasn't Balinor, though he couldn't shake off the impression that there was something similar about him. He had large green eyes, partially covered by unruly dark hair with silver strands. His face was pale and slightly wrinkled, marred by a long scar running from his left ear to his jaw. As he was coming closer, his dark blue robe floating slightly, Merlin noticed his thin lips curving into a smile, even though they were buried in a beard that went down to his chest.

"Hello, Emrys," the man greeted him. "It is a pleasure to meet you. My name is Ravenor. I used to be a dragonlord, and I am your father's friend."

The warlock slid off the rock and, as soon as he was in the standing position, bowed his head. "Hello. I am glad to meet you, as well. Thank you for coming."

He might have wished to see his father, but he was also genuinely grateful for the privilege of getting to know the spirit of another dragonlord.

"I am aware of the reason for your visit. You were right to suspect that the knowledge you are seeking can be found here. However, you do not need to look for it at this moment," Ravenor explained before the raven-haired man got to ask the question.

"What do you mean? Not only it is my responsibility, but I also made a promise to Kilgharrah."

"I know. I am not telling you to abandon your task. Simply, the answer will come to you sooner than you think," the older dragonlord assured, still smiling mysteriously.

Merlin wasn't sure how to reply. He knew better than to contest what he had just learned, even if he didn't understand it at all. He subconsciously bit his lip.

"As honored as I am to meet you, it was one of your friends, not you, who made me show up here today. You will soon learn of my great secret, one that I vowed not to reveal even in death. It was guarded by magic, but it seems that his pure intention succeeded in breaking through it," Ravenor continued, sounding amused.

The warlock, on the other hand, was utterly confused. "If you cannot reveal it, though, why did you decide to come?"

"This friend of yours already made the energy around it move, unknowingly. I was compelled to follow it. And I would like to help, as I now realize I made a mistake by not having hope," Ravenor declared as his green eyes clouded with regret and his shoulders slumped a little.

"Unfortunately, I cannot do much. The secret is no longer guarded among the living, but I am still bound by my vow, as its magic was stronger. The one thing I can tell you is that when you find out the truth, your current problem will be part of the solution."

Merlin's mind was desperate for answers. He brought one of his hands to his scarf to fidget with its fabric. However, after a brief pause, he managed to compose himself enough to answer, "Thank you. I will try to make good use of your advice."

* * *

Shortly after Merlin and Gwaine left, Mithian and Rodor finally arrived in Camelot. After taking a moment to rest after their journey, they had lunch with Arthur and Gwen. The conversation touched on the main reason for their visit, lifting the ban on magic, but they all decided not to discuss it in detail yet, instead enjoying a light, friendly conversation.

To tell the truth, Arthur couldn't wait for the meal to finish. As soon as they were done, he quickly approached Rodor and asked if he would be willing to go for a walk with him to talk about something. The older man was surprised but agreed nonetheless.

* * *

"I have to warn you, Rodor, that what I am about to say will probably sound insane. And it is likely unwise to ask before we discuss my plans to lift the ban, but it has been bothering me for close to a week now," Arthur started, already feeling embarrassed.

"You seem to have a knack for getting into insane situations, Arthur. When it's not dangerous, it's actually amusing. I'm listening," the older king replied, smiling encouragingly.

"Well, for a few years after I was born, you and my father had an alliance of sorts, no? And you visited Camelot quite a few times during that time," the blond-haired man started, gesturing at the bench surrounded by neatly clipped rosebushes.

"Not much good came out of it, but yes," Rodor admitted, sitting down. He turned his body to the left so he could look at his companion.

"The last time you came, I was around five. I had been sick just before your visit, and Gaius had been telling me all those stories about dragons. As soon as I got better, whenever I was riding a pony, I would pretend it was a dragon, to the frustration of the knights who were guarding me. That's how you saw me," Arthur recalled, looking the older ruler in the eye.

Rodor paled visibly, suddenly realizing where the conversation was going. Still, he nodded curtly to signal that he remembered it, too.

"The knight who was with me had to attend to other duties, so my playtime outside ended. You offered to take me back to the palace. On our way back, you asked if I liked the dragons," the king of Camelot carried on, his voice a little less confident, as if he was unsure if his memory was intact.

"You said _yes_ and pleaded not to tell your father because Gaius warned you that he got angry whenever someone mentioned the dragons. Then, you asked me to lift you and whispered to my ear that you tricked your nanny into admitting that your papa ordered to kill all but one, who he imprisoned," Rodor confirmed, inadvertently smiling at the thought.

"Right," Arthur chuckled. "I don't know how, but I suspected Gaius was hiding something my father did. So, I told her that I was scared that dragons would hurt me, even though I wasn't. Anyway, then, you asked if I could keep a real secret and told me something strange.

"To make it weirder, it made me so excited, but it seems that I forgot about it almost instantly, like someone wiped my memory."

Rodor exhaled loudly. "Back then, I had yet to fully realize what it meant that the secret was protected with magic. That must be why you forgot, though I wonder why I was allowed to remember in the first place. Maybe the spell worked differently on someone who witnessed the whole thing."

Arthur's eyes grew wide. "So, it is true?"

"To this day, I have no idea what came over me to tell you. I got really sick after, as a punishment for breaking the oath. And I felt guilty, worried that Uther would find out. But yes, it is true," Rodor admitted solemnly.

"Wait, won't you get sick again for talking to me now?"

"I don't think so. You remembered it, and a few strange things happened that made me think I'm no longer bound by the oath. You don't happen to know what could break the magic around it, do you?" the older king asked, though he already suspected the answer.

"As a matter of fact, I do. The day before you were supposed to visit, we went to the druid's camp in Lot's Kingdom. They told us that Kilgharrah, the Great Dragon, was dying nearby. I traveled there with Merlin… well, it's probably worth mentioning that he's the last dragonlord. It's there where I remembered," Arthur replied, his eyes wandering around because he thought he heard someone whispering.

He didn't realize there was a lot more explanation needed, forgetting how much he didn't know a week ago.

"Didn't you kill the Great Dragon when he attacked Camelot a few years back?"

Arthur blushed slightly. "Turns out I did not. Merlin had just inherited his dragon lord gift, and he let him go, making him promise that he would never attack us again. I only found out recently, though," he said sheepishly.

"That makes more sense than a warrior killing a dragon with a sword," Rodor admitted. "No matter how skilled."

"I guess so. Anyway, you said that two dragons were saved. Can you tell me more about it?"

The older man looked conflicted. "I have to think about it, Arthur. The spell no longer holds, and I do trust you will not hurt the dragons so the dragonlord's effort won't be for nothing. But with Merlin at your court, I'd be making it easier for you to get the weapon that I, or any other ruler, would have no answer for."

The king of Camelot stared at him. It took a while for the words to sink in. He hadn't thought about it, having no ambitions to conquer other kingdoms. Not to mention, doing it like that would be dishonorable. Eventually, though, he understood where Rodor was coming from. He nodded.

"Alright. We can work out the terms, officially, if that would help. I have no int―" he started.

"Oh, for God's sake, father. You don't own the dragons, you can't deny them the freedom, and you shouldn't stop Merlin from getting to know them. They are more than weapons," Mithian protested passionately, emerging from behind the large oak tree that was nearby, followed by Gwen, whose face was red and who looked ready to run back to the palace.

"You were eavesdropping the whole time?" Arthur frowned.

"Uhm… I asked Guinevere if she knew what you wanted to talk about. She said that she had no idea, but you've been acting strange all week and that it was probably connected. I might have told her that she is your queen and has the right to know. The idea to follow you was all mine," Mithian grinned innocently, not looking the slightest bit ashamed.

Rodor shook his head disapprovingly, but Arthur just rolled his eyes, the corners of his lips turning upwards.

"I apologize for my daughter's behavior. But there is some truth to her words, it is not my place to decide their fate. I will tell you what happened," the king of Nemeth conceded, moving closer to the edge of the bench so the women could sit next to them.

"Thank you," Arthur said. It crossed his mind that Merlin or at least Gaius should have been there, but he decided the two could talk with Rodor later.

"Uther was not stupid, so, of course, he ordered the dragonlords to kill the dragons on his eyes. I am not sure how he got most of them to work with him and how they didn't foresee that he was going to kill them either way. It's possible that they were getting scared of the dragons themselves, they couldn't control them all the time and things were getting out of hand," Rodor started.

"Couldn't they just order them not to attack any of the kingdoms ever again?" Arthur asked.

"I have no idea. I may be wrong about their reasons, they could simply be scared for their lives and believe they would be spared if they followed their king's orders. And I'm sorry to say that, but it is also possible that they were blackmailed or tortured into cooperating," the older ruler suggested, and Arthur grimaced subconsciously. He was a man of honor; it appeared to him that they failed in their duty as dragonlords. Then again, who knows to what lengths his father went to.

"Still, at least some of them couldn't bear the thought of killing the dragons. There were instances of dragonlords sending them away at the last moment. It was all in vain, though. Uther simply made someone else finish the job.

"But one dragonlord, Ravenor, came up with a different idea. It wasn't entirely noble, because he stole some sensitive documents from my palace and threatened to reveal Nemeth's secrets if I didn't help. You know that every kingdom has those. In time, though, I understood his reasons and started admiring his courage. If only I could protect him later," Rodor continued his story, buried in his memories, and entirely indifferent to the sky turning orange and red.

Gwen felt several different feelings rising inside her at once. Sadness for those who lost their lives, whether they were humans or dragons, and for all the suffering that was associated with that. A new wave of anger at Uther. Sympathy for Rodor, who was so openly sharing his memories with them.

"Anyway, he sent the word to Camelot that two dragons got into a fight in Nemeth, and injuries to their wings made them unable to fly. It was plausible, with all the stories about dragons going against each other back then. As he expected, Uther announced he would come to witness the killings. He tried three times, but each of those, Ravenor created a distraction. He also spread rumors in Camelot that you were in danger, to make your father more reluctant to leave," Rodor looked down at his hands, not too happy about that part. He wouldn't want to be misled like that.

"In the end, just like Ravenor wished, Uther asked me to make sure that it was done. Our relations had been good for a couple of years, so he trusted me enough, at least when he didn't have a choice. So, when the time came, together with a few members of my court, I lied to him that we witnessed the two dragons dying."

There was a long pause. Eventually, Arthur decided to break the silence and pull the older king out of his thoughts. "What really happened with the dragons?"

"Well, instead of killing them, Ravenor sent them away and cast a spell over them, which their own magic supported. Assuming the dragons are still alive, which they should be since he told me they have at least hundreds of years left, they can be anywhere. They are free, but the catch is that their existence is hidden from humans, other dragons, even a dragonlord won't be able to summon them," Rodor explained patiently, stretching his legs, which went a bit numb.

"You don't remember anything about the spell, by any chance?" Arthur sighed, already imagining how much fun he was about to have with frustrated Merlin trying to break it.

"Unfortunately, no. And to my knowledge, no one ever tried to break it. We were all bound by the oath. Like I said, breaking it was rather unpleasant and pointless. Besides, all of us who knew didn't have any magic," Rodor concluded.

"Alright. Thank you, I am grateful that you agreed to tell the whole story," Arthur squeezed the king's arm.

Mithian pursed her lips. "I am also grateful to learn more about you, father. All I ever hear are battle stories, this is much more interesting."

Gwen, who stayed quiet throughout the conversation, still a little ashamed of herself, couldn't help but giggle softly. She used to feel a bit uneasy around Mithian, knowing that she almost married Arthur, but she was growing to like her, despite the embarrassing situation the princess got them into.

"Now I know what to do for you to keep quiet for more than five minutes," Rodor muttered under his breath, making everyone chuckle.

* * *

The following evening, Arthur stormed into Gaius's chambers and asked him if he could wait for Merlin to share some important news with him. The physician left him there, after apologizing three times for it, explaining that he still had a few patients to tend to.

About an hour later, Merlin came in, much less impetuously than Arthur. He didn't notice the king sitting on the windowsill and attempted to go straight to his room.

"Ignoring a guest is rude. Ignoring a guest who happens to be your king, even worse," the blond-haired man joked, just as the warlock was opening the door.

"My apologies, _Sire_. I didn't see you," even if he weren't in the best mood, Merlin wouldn't miss the opportunity to retort back.

Arthur laughed. "Alright, enough with this for now. How was your trip?"

"Confusing. The spirit I've met told me things, but I can't make any sense of them. It was good for Gwaine, though," Merlin reported tiredly, turning a chair around and sitting down in front of Arthur.

"Didn't you say that he would have to wait outside?"

"I thought so, but the cave pulled him in. It's a bit of a crazy story, but it's his to tell. Besides, you didn't come here just to ask about that, did you?"

Arthur grinned widely and shook his head.

"What is it, then? You look suspiciously happy," Merlin observed, furrowing his brows.

"I have good news. Great news, in fact. Well, there is a small catch, too, but―" the king babbled.

"Arthur. I had enough of speaking in riddles for one day. Tell me," the warlock interrupted impatiently, putting his hands on his knees.

"Fine. Spoiling the fun, as always," the king teased light-heartedly. "So, when we were in the mountains, I remembered something… I learned it from Rodor when I was five, and I needed to talk with him before getting your hopes up. Now that he confirmed…"

"Seriously, another pause?"

"Sorry. Okay," Arthur took a deep breath. "Not counting the white one, there are probably two dragons still alive."

Merlin gaped at him, then smiled, and gaped again, looking like someone who just witnessed the king marrying a troll and at the same time was told that he would have his birthday every day for the rest of his life.

"But… how? How could Kilgharrah not know?"

Arthur leaned against the window and repeated everything that Rodor told him. As he was talking, some pieces of the puzzle came together in Merlin's head.

When the king was done, the warlock got up and started pacing around the room, his weariness replaced by excitement. "I'd never dare to imagine… That's what he meant… That's so great…"

"Uhm, it would be nice to be able to make sense of your gibberish," Arthur threw in.

"Right. Well, I have something to tell you, too. The spirit I met in the cave today was Ravenor," Merlin started and went on to recount everything that the dragonlord told him.

Not long ago, Arthur would consider it impossible for things to come together like they did, with his friend going to the cave on the same day he finally got to talk with Rodor. But he made peace with the fact that life was utterly insane. In fact, he even started to enjoy it. So, he simply took in what Merlin said, and listened patiently through the warlock's blabbering about how to find the dragons, though at that point most of the ideas made little sense.

After what seemed like a very long time, Gaius came in. He quickly noticed that Arthur kept suppressing yawns, while his advisor couldn't stop talking.

"Merlin! I do think that whatever you have to say can wait until tomorrow," the physician scolded before his mind registered what the conversation, or the monologue, was about. "Wait, have you two gone mad? Are you looking for dragons? What dragons?"

The king rubbed his eyes and pointed at Merlin. "Now it's your turn to tell."

"With pleasure. And goodnight to you, you don't need to hear it another time," the raven-haired man said. "Also, thank you. I'd never find out if it weren't for you."

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you so much for still reading. I couldn't live with the thought of all grown-up dragons gone in Merlin's world :)_

 _Gingeraffealene, thank you! I decided it's a good time for moments of weakness, when they aren't fighting their most dangerous enemies. (And I had to give Alvarr a bit of a head start, because as I remember from the show, his magic wasn't too strong, he didn't even use it when fighting...) After all, everyone is allowed to have them from time to time._


	23. Where Everything Is Possible

The night was rather bright, with no clouds and the full moon just a few days away. Merlin wasn't sure why he chose to come so late. He blamed it on the sheer force of habit, but after he reached the place, he realized it felt very wrong. After all, the pattern died together with Kilgharrah. This was another dragon, with whom he had a strikingly different relationship. Or, one could say, no relationship. Other than a bunch of conflicting feelings. Of course, it wasn't always easy with Kilgharrah. At one point, the Great Dragon also nearly killed Arthur. But it seemed to be so far in the past, buried so deeply under everything Kilgharrah had done for them, under declarations of forgiveness, friendship, and loyalty, that it didn't seem real anymore. On the contrary, the memory of the damage done by Mordred's blade still made him tremble, inside and out.

So, he stood on the clearing where he used to meet with Kilgharrah, piercing a hole in the soil with the heal of his boot. He was about to summon Aithusa, for the first time since he hatched the white dragon. His attempts to find a way to break the magic that protected the other dragons had been fruitless so far. Geoffrey helped a little by providing their names, which he kept in his private records from the Purge. The dragonlords wanted the creatures to be remembered, but Uther forbade to address them properly in the official ones. Still, while Merlin suspected that the names would be necessary, he didn't have any idea how to use them. And the only other thing he knew, going by Ravenor's words, was that he would also need Aithusa.

Of course, he didn't expect the white dragon to know the solution. The creature was too young to have even a fraction of the wisdom and knowledge that Kilgharrah possessed. And that wasn't the biggest problem, considering that he didn't know how to speak. Which, unfortunately, Merlin could not fix without the help of the dragons, which he had no idea how to find. So, in a moment of frustration, he figured that meeting a dragon, as opposed to obsessing over them all the time, could help. At the moment, though, he could not bring himself to actually make it happen, which made him even more flustered.

He called himself an idiot out loud, thankful that Arthur wasn't there to witness it. Then, he took a few deep breaths and hesitantly, unusually quietly compared to the way he used to summon Kilgharrah, called for Aithusa. It didn't take long for the young dragon to land in front of him. _What now?_ the warlock thought to himself. He could sense that Aithusa felt ashamed, keeping his head down, with his posture slumped. And Merlin knew that he should tell the dragon what he told Gwaine. But there was a lump in his throat.

Though his soul could see the truth of the situation and his head managed to catch up, for once, his heart was slower to do it. First, it had to knock down a wall. A wall that was made of the sadness he felt in Ismere when Aithusa working for Morgana added to all the burden he was carrying back then. Of the pictures in his mind, in which the white dragon fried the knights of Camelot in Camlann. And most importantly, of terror and regret he felt when he realized that Aithusa was partially responsible for Arthur's nearly fatal wound. Because, he had to admit the sad truth to himself, that when the king's survival was uncertain, it did cross his mind that it would be better if he did not save the egg. In the end, he wasn't sure if he felt worse about what happened or about his own unjust reaction to it.

As he was battling his emotions, Aithusa slowly raised his head. Only then, Merlin was able to see the amount of pain in his eyes, which instantly made his perspective shift. The warlock couldn't help but feel for the white creature, who lost Morgana, poisonous as their relationship was, had no dragons to spend time with and no ability to speak. On top of it, it was clear that Aithusa did realize that his relationship with the last dragonlord, possibly the only one he could still count on, was strained.

At that moment, seeing all that, Merlin's memory finally traveled further back. It was in the same place that he hatched Aithusa, and he could still remember the joy and hope he felt. A white dragon bodes well for Albion. So far, it seemed like one thing that Kilgharrah was entirely wrong about. But perhaps it just needed longer to unfold, maybe there was still time.

"Do you understand when I'm speaking to you like that?" Merlin made sure, which Aithusa confirmed with a nod.

"Good. I'm sorry, I called you for no reason, just to see you. I hope you don't get angry as easily as Kilgharrah," the warlock chuckled. "I'm not sure if you know, but he died about two weeks ago. What you should also know is that he felt bad about abandoning you. And I do, too."

Merlin took a few steps forward and touched Aithusa's head. "What happened was wrong. And it can't happen again, nobody can own you or make you hurt innocent people. But it wasn't your fault.

"We will find a way to make you better, don't worry. As soon as we find the two other dragons… Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that part."

The raven-haired man continued talking for a while. It was kind of weird to have a conversation with someone who couldn't respond, especially considering that almost everyone around him had a habit of interrupting every other sentence that came out of his mouth. Of course, the night didn't fix everything or even melt away all the awkwardness between him and Aithusa. But it was a start.

* * *

"Falling asleep on your horse again, Merlin?" Arthur asked, though, in the warlock's tired mind, it sounded more like yelling.

"Sounds like a smart idea," Gwaine muttered before the raven-haired man got the chance to answer, earning questioning glances both from the king and his advisor.

"Well, as soon as we reach Perilous Lands, we won't get much chance to rest. If you say nasty things happen in the Valley of the Fallen Kings, that place is a whole new level of nasty," he complained.

"So, Sir Gwaine, you are not honored to be a part of this prestigious quest?" Arthur smirked, and Merlin stifled a laugh.

Planning their journey to search for Luned was quite complicated, to put it mildly. When the news about their plans to do it got out, many members of the council, especially those who knew the sorceress, were opposed to it. They considered it a fool's errand, and a dangerous one at that, saying that if she didn't want to be found, there was no hope. For once, though, Gaius didn't advocate for the cautious solution, either because he finally realized that Arthur and Merlin could deal with hopeless, or because he wanted to meet his old friend that much. Whatever it was, the council's opinions didn't truly matter. After what Kilgharrah said to the warlock, which the king witnessed, they both felt like they had to try.

Still, even after the decision was made, it seemed that the problems would never end. Most advisors and those who sat at the round table thought that the king shouldn't go. Even Gwen joined that fraction at first, before she got over her worries and realized that the effort would likely be pointless if Arthur weren't there to prove that Uther's tyranny had really died. As for the king himself, he was fully intending to take all of his closest knights. However, Gaius surprised everyone by suggesting that to respect the rules of the land, they should go like they were received the last time. Although Merlin, not to even mention the others, couldn't fully grasp the physician's logic on that one, they concluded it was best to trust him.

So, here they were, the trio that once traveled to Perilous Lands, bickering, whining, and fighting not to close their eyes. It appeared as if not much had changed, though everything had.

"Of course I am, my apologies, prin… right, this no longer makes sense, all those memories made me confused," Gwaine attempted to scoff, but he ended up mocking himself.

Merlin snorted. "Looking at us today, it's a wonder how we managed to pull it off the last time."

"Speak for yourself!"

"Hey, it's not me who almost got killed by a _bracelet_!"

"If, instead of following me, you told me earlier—"

"Oh, the prat is back! Like you would have believed me."

"I wouldn't. But you could have tried, before dragging Gwaine's arse out of the tavern and all that."

"Sure. So Uther could run me through on the spot for accusing his daughter."

"Well, they say you are brave…"

"Shut up, Arthur."

"That's my line! And careful, you are speaking to your king."

"Good to know, because it feels like I'm speaking to an idiot."

Gwaine sighed. _And people complain about my babbling._

* * *

The next day, in the early afternoon, they were plowing through the bushes close to the river that separated them from the Perilous Lands. All three were apprehensive about what awaited them on the other side, but at the same time curious and even kind of excited. Just when they were emerging from the woods, Arthur's foot slipped on the fallen leaves and Merlin used magic to stop him from falling on his back.

"Who wishes to… I apologize, that was my habit talking. Of course, Magic, Courage, and Strength. Welcome back, I am pleased to see that there are almost no more secrets between you," the keeper of the bridge greeted them, looking pointedly at the dark-haired knight.

"Hello, Grettir. I don't mean to sound rude, but what do you mean by _habit_? I'm fairly sure hardly anyone ever comes here," Gwaine couldn't stop himself, which made Arthur mumble something about Foul Mouth being more appropriate than Strength.

"It's not every day, but it happens. Now, what brings you here?" Grettir looked at them with a twinkle in his eyes.

"We are looking for someone. A sorceress. Her name is Luned. We would like to… well, mostly talk and make amends. We have reasons to believe that she lives on this land," the king explained.

Grettir was silent for a moment. "I can sense that your intentions are good. But are you sure that she wants to be found?"

Merlin shifted his weight from one foot to another. "We do not mean to disturb her, just inform her that what she was running from will soon no longer be there. If she wishes to stay here after hearing us out, we will never seek her out again."

"Very well. I will let you pass because it is thanks to you that this land has started to heal. However, I cannot give you any directions, or I would break a promise," said Grettir, before moving aside.

"Thank you," they said in unison, all three thinking about how they would proceed after crossing the bridge, having absolutely no idea what to do next.

Grettir bowed his head. "Be careful. The land holds many surprises, not all of them pleasant."

* * *

"It definitely looks less wretched than before," Gwaine remarked after half an hour of walking and looking around.

Indeed, while life in the area was still in the early stages of growth, at least it was definitely there. They were walking on moss-covered soil, passing trees of which most reached just above their heads. They also saw small plants and animals. The unusual thing, other than that there were no paths and that they didn't have a clue where they were going, was that nothing seemed familiar. They couldn't recognize the trees, plants, animals, or even insects they encountered, as if they entered another world. Merlin found it quite fascinating, which is why he kept staying behind, his eyes glued to a weird-looking herb or a tree with funny-shaped leaves.

"Which is great, don't get me wrong. Still, I daresay that it was easier to look for someone here before," Arthur replied.

Merlin caught up with them, panting slightly. "You know, I love being here and I could spend hours just collecting samples for Gaius. But without a strategy, it could take weeks."

"Do you have anything in mind?" the king turned around to face him, raising his eyebrows.

"Not exactly. Not yet, at least. It could be worth it to stop and think about it, in case we are going in the wrong direction," the warlock proposed.

„I agree that what we are doing is pretty dumb. Alright, very dumb. But I don't see how we can do anything else. At worst, we will turn back at some point and come back another time, to search a different part," Arthur said.

After he saw Merlin and Gwaine nodding, he used his hand to signal them to resume walking.

* * *

"By the way, Merlin, do you have any other big secrets up your sleeve? What did Grettir mean by _almost_?" Arthur asked a few hours later when it became dark enough for them to consider finding a place to camp sooner rather than later.

"Why do you assume it was about me?" the warlock snapped. "Ugh, you don't need to answer. But he was clearly looking at someone else."

"Thanks, mate," the knight muttered, glaring at his friend.

"I didn't say it was you. You've just given yourself out," the raven-haired man grinned in response.

"Well, anything to tell us, Gwaine? Or me, because Merlin has one of his looks," the king pressed.

"What?" the warlock retorted.

„Normally, you tend to be a curious person. When you look kind of stoic, like you are above the situation, it means that you already know. But enough about you and back to the main issue…" Arthur wasn't going to let Gwaine off too quickly.

Merlin gently nudged the knight, who remained silent. "Go on, it doesn't change anything now. Even more so since I'm not sure if we will ever be able to find our way back."

"Alright, alright. I guess it's not a big deal compared to your secret. It's just that I'm, uhm, a nobleman," Gwaine admitted quietly.

"What? How?"

"How do you think? My father was a knight. In Carleon's army."

Arthur scratched his face. "Hold on, I get that, but why would you keep it secret? My father wouldn't have banished you if he knew."

The knight subconsciously picked up the pace, but the king kept with him, with his head slightly twisted to the side to maintain eye contact.

"I didn't care. I didn't want to serve under him," Gwaine replied curtly.

"Okay. But you were hiding it even before you met him, why?"

"It's nothing to be proud about. My father died serving Carleon, and my mother was left with nothing, the king refused to help," the dark-haired man revealed, looking the other way.

"That pig," Arthur let slip, before remembering his history with Queen Annis' husband. "I'm sorry, Gwaine," he squeezed the knight's shoulder.

"Thanks. It's all in the past. Still, I didn't see any reason to mention it."

"It's something your father believed in, lived and died for. And he did so with honor. Not that it's any of my business, but it seems like a good enough reason," the king offered.

"That and seeing the look on everyone's faces. You saw Arthur's. Come on, I know you live for stuff like this," Merlin slipped in, trying to lighten up the mood.

"I will think about it. Now, isn't it time to call it a day?" Gwaine asked, jumping above a small brook.

Arthur nodded and pointed at a suitable spot that wasn't far from them. His mind focused on Gwaine, he wasn't ready to finish the conversation just yet. "Thanks for trusting that I'm not Carleon."

Gwaine chuckled, looking pointedly at Merlin, who stifled a laugh, remembering how the dark-haired man tried to convince him that no noble is worth dying for. "Oh, I had no trust in that whatsoever. You've shown me."

"That's a relief. At first, I thought you stuck around because you were bored," the king teased. „By the way, do you ever miss the freedom to live from tavern to tav—"

Before he could finish, he felt the ground below him rise, making him fall back. He managed to soften the crash with his arms, groaning in the process. When he composed himself enough to look around, he realized it wasn't that the ground suddenly rose, but something grew out of it, capturing them in a weird, onion-shaped cage, made of thick branches. They were level with tree crowns, held by a massive, fresh-grown trunk.

"You were saying?" Gwaine mumbled, massaging the leg that he crushed when he fell.

* * *

"So, to be clear, both the swords and your magic are useless against this?" the knight grunted after they pretty much exhausted all of their possibilities of breaking free.

Merlin poked at the closest branch, for the millionth time. "My magic might help, but I don't know how. And experimenting turns out to be a little risky."

The two other men nodded. Not half an hour ago, the warlock tried a spell and made the cage spin like crazy. They were still trying to deal with their nausea, desperately wanting to avoid sitting in the contents of their stomachs.

"Maybe whoever trapped us will put us out of our misery soon. When out of here, we can fight them," Gwaine said hopefully, stretching his stiff arms, careful not to hit anyone's head.

"I don't think we were trapped by someone. It's probably just one of those surprises that Grettir mentioned," the raven-haired argued.

"How come you are so calm, then?" Arthur raised his eyebrows, though he didn't sound too nervous either.

"Well, we've been worse. No one is dying, or in any immediate danger, we have food and water, why should I worry," Merlin replied. After a dramatic pause, he added, "Not to mention, we are not completely out of options."

Before the king or the knight could ask any further questions, he shouted something that they didn't understand, though the former could more or less guess what it was about.

"I don't think it worked," Gwaine remarked.

"Wait," Arthur smiled and put his arms behind his head, leaning against the branches. "Not your favorite word, I know."

Some time passed. Merlin spent it pondering on how weird it was to be waiting with two other people and feeling their tension in addition to his own. Eventually, they heard something large flying toward them and saw fragments of the white body through the slits in the cage. Arthur and Gwaine both felt slightly nervous, despite trying not to.

However, they almost got over it when it took the young dragon no time to open the cage from the top and make the branches open, which resembled a flower that blossomed all of a sudden.

"Thank you, Aithusa," Merlin beamed at the creature. Something warm was rising in his chest. He saw the event as another proof that his relationship with the white dragon was turning around.

Aithusa bowed his head. Surprisingly, it didn't seem like he was about to fly away.

"Aren't you supposed to do something now, Merlin?" Gwaine suggested quietly, but a look at his friend made him realize that he was equally confused.

The dragon pointed to their left with his wing several times, as if trying to show them something. Then, he made a few steps in that direction and turned his head back to them, as if expecting them to follow.

"I believe he wants to show us the way. Let's go," Merlin concluded, rushing after Aithusa.

"Right. It must be easy for the dragon to find… well, any place. Why didn't you ask him earlier?" the knight asked, sounding curious rather than judgmental.

"Finding Lady Luned is what we want, not what we absolutely need. It would be wrong to use a dragon like that," the warlock explained, panting slightly.

As soon as they started following him, Aithusa decided to fly in front of them, setting quite a high pace. Trying to keep up, Arthur was smiling to himself, relieved that it was someone like Merlin who had the ability to command the dragons.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you so much for reading!_

 _Mersan123, thanks, Gwaine has always been one of my favorite characters, he definitely deserves better than what he got in the series. As for finding the dragons, it may be challenging, but who knows, help might come from someone unexpected :)_

 _Moniurek, great to hear from you again! Merlin will definitely be busy, but at least it will be with something he enjoys. As for Mithian and Rodor, it's definitely not their last appearance. Thank you!_

 _Vanvdreamer, no worries, glad you are still here :) Thank you, I love to explore different sides of Arthur and Merlin's friendship. Also, writing about something good and kind finally coming Gwaine's way was great. And having more dragons around should be fun for everyone!_

 _Gingeraffealene, thank you so much! The world and Merlin's life will definitely be better with more dragons, and it will be fun to see how their personalities can differ._


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